My daughter is 9-1/2. Katie has been diagnosed with ADD and CAPD. The CAPD means that she doesn’t communicate well with anyone her own age or older. The ADD means that she doesn’t have the capability of remembering what the rules are in social situations. Consequently, this child has no friends. As her mother, this hurts. I don’t know how to help. Katie takes Adderall for her ADD which helps through part of the day. Our school has been good about helping us with an IEP and accomodations in the classroom. But kids need friends and I don’t know where to turn for help in that department. Does anyone have any suggestions for me on how to help this child socially?
Re: Katie has no friends.
We have been there too with our son. Friendships got better as he got older. He is now 13. First, the bigger middle school helped because there were many more kids to find for friends. In the meantime we coached him for social situations, giving him suggestions of things he could say and practiced responses. We also found a very small scout troop, three kids, one similar to him and one boy who was kind and open. I guess we were just patient. We kept him busy and gave him our company until he could socialize more. He is very able to entertain himself. He has one good friend, but feels like other kids like him. I guess maybe try to find an activity your daughter enjoys and find a small group that enjoys those things too. Shared activity may help a friendship bloom. Good luck.
Re: Katie has no friends.
In my town, there’s a wonderful occupational therapist who runs play groups for children like your daughter. She works to provide a pleasantly structured play environment where the children have the opportunity to learn how to better get along with each other. Is there a children’s hospital anywhere near you? Sometimes you can find such play groups.
Have you been in touch with your nearest chapter of CHADD? They have a national website listing the local chapters and the parents of other ADD children might know of social opportunities for your daughter or have such social opportunities organized among themselves.
Another thought is to give your daughter’s teacher a call. When parents call me, I can sometimes see social possibilities in the school setting that a parent might now realize. There might a child or two in your daughter’s class who would be able to accept her issues and you could foster a friendship by inviting that child over to play.
In the meantime, sometimes taking small classes like art classes or swimming classes at your local Y or arts center can give a child social opportunities. My own Y has a t-ball team and kickball team - very non-competitive - that welcomes all children. Give your nearest Y a call.
Good luck.
Re: Katie has no friends.
What are her interests and strengths? Try finding activities that focus on these and enroll her in them. Hopefully, she’ll have an easier time focusing and will find other children with similar interests. Check out your local girl scout troop. Talk to the leader and see how she runs her troop. Look for a leader that believes in including all girls and doesn’t tollerate it when the girls aren’t considerate and inclusive in their games and activities.
Consider enrolling your daughter in a social skills group. Get referrals from your pediatrician or school guidance counselor. Also, talk to the guidance counselor. Some counselors are willing to start social skills groups at the school.
Try to line up some play dates with children in the neighborhood or school. Make the play dates short—an hour or so and have some activities lined up just in case there’s a lull in the play or the kids are board of if the play isn’t constructive.
Does your daughter enjoy any sports? If team sports haven’t worked out, try individual sports such as swimming, biking, bowling. etc. The exercise will be good for your daughter, she may acquire new skills and meet other outside her immediate neighborhood and school zone.
Hope this helps.
LJ
Re: Katie has no friends.
Thanks for everyone’s suggestions. I have been feeling overwhelmed lately with all Katie’s school problems and facing a summer of working with her trying to help her get caught up. We live in a small rural community. No near neighbors Katie’s age and very few resources for help. This board has been a lifeline for me. I will look into your suggestions. Thanks for your help.
Re: Katie has no friends.
What has helped my son the most is taking essential fatty acid nutritional supplements. Long chain fatty acids are building blocks for the brain. A deficiency has been correlated with ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia (see The LCP Solution: The Remarkable Nutritional Treatment for ADHD, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia by Dr. Jacqueline Stordy). You can also go to her web site drstordy.com to learn more or borntoexplore.org to the page on fatty acid deficiency and ADHD.We have seen an enormous improvement in 6 months (it takes a while; it is not a quick fix!)
Has she had a CAPD eval by an audiologist who specializes in this area? This kind of audiologist might be able to recommend specific sound therapies to reduce the CAPD problems and make socialization easier. http://pages.cthome.net/cbristol/ has a lot of information, including a search for qualified audiologists.
I would consider homeschooling if it’s at all possible. Socializing with homeschooled children would likely be much easier for your daughter, as homeschooled children tend to be much more tolerant of individual differences.
We have a 9yo neighbor with severe CAPD. His mother told me that he is on bottom of the social heap in his classroom at school, second only to a boy with Asperger’s. She is looking at moving him to a private Waldorf school, which is an expensive option. Some school districts now have public charter Waldorf schools, so you might want to check that out. Waldorf usually strives for a more inclusive and tolerant approach to individual differences.
Mary