Stepson' IEP coming up quick, Need help on this one

Hi Crystal,

What jumps out at me is that, first of all, your stepson has a wonderful advocate in you! Sounds like you are working overtime. Is your husband taking an active role in all of this as well? (It can help when you present a united front to administrators)

Have you looked into what kinds of advocacy/support groups are in your area? For example, is there a local learning disabilities group, or CHADD, or some other group where you can discuss these issues with people who may have dealt with similar problems, the same teachers, etc? Does (or did) your son have a case worker because of the family traumas that happened earlier? If so, that person might be able to point you toward an advocate who can work with the school system. If your step son’s school has a social worker, please contact her or him, and make an appointment to discuss everything you talked about in your post. As trained interviewers, social workers can be very good at asking the right questions of parents AND administrators. It does not sound unreasonable that your child should be given some choices, and allowed to take some classes he likes. If he is interested in woodworking, what does his size have to do with it??? You and he deserve an explanation. School social workers are trained to work for students and families within the schools, and to try to help find ways to resolve problems that may be causing academic or social difficulties. That doesn’t mean they have all the answers, but it helps to have someone in your corner who can look at the situation from a different perspective than the administrators (and those teachers who think they have all the answers.)

Can you tell us more about what kinds of LDs and limitations your step son is dealing with? What kinds of evaluations has he had? I mean, did the school do all of the testing, or do you have outside evaluations as well? Please tell us more.

JJ

Crystal,

Right off the bat, at all cost, follow your instincts and listen to this boy regarding his interests and abilities he has already displayed.

The teacher and principal, let alone the others should be ashamed of themselves, yet in reality, I bet they are proud and maintain their opinions just because they have them.

You will need to become well versed in the laws, and can obtain much information from sites like www.wrightslaw.com, www.edlaw.com and others like Sock’s site from this bb!

I would even consider making some kind of initial contact to the Office of Civil Rights (OCR), others on this bb will be able to help guide you through this.

Make a point of having all communication from this point forward be in writing. After conversations, send a confirming letter to make certain you understood what was said. If you are confident enough in what your child has told you, you may even want to send a confirming letter regarding what he has told you in terms of take horticulture or nothing… Request the response be in writing as well. Set the phone machine up and screen all calls, instruct all in your household to do the same. Do not take calls from district people, request, again and again if necessary, that no phone calls are to be made to your home.

Stay respectful, polite and courteous, but do not give in to what you do not believe in. This means, at all cost, DO NOT SIGN THE IEP IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH WHAT IS WRITTEN ON IT!!!!!!!

Strongly suggest you do not go into the IEP alone. Bring help. 24 hours prior to the meeting, and I mean 24 hours, give notice that you will be tape recording the meeting. If anyone asks why, just state that too much is going on in your lives, and too much happens in the meeting, and you would like to re-listen to it at home with your husband… No matter what, unless the IEP is as you want it to be, do not sign it. Ask to take it home and review and you will return it in a day or so. Have a list of questions with you, and be sure to ask them while the tape recorder is running. Ask to have your rights explained to you if you disagree with what they are making available. Ask if other ld children have had access to other programs besides horticulture… Basically, lay the ground work to hold them accountable for their actions or lack there of.

I would strongly suggest you also start looking outside your shortsighted district for opportunities for your son. It sounds to me like he has an apptitude for woodworking and at the very least he has proven he likes to do it. I would take some good photos of the deck and have him start visiting with contractors or cabinet shops. Do investigative research in your area and find out who is the best. Ask different general contractors if they can reccomend someone, and go check out their shop…

See if your son can become a part time apprentice around school and vacation time etc. He should even offer to work for free for a little while to see if they like him and he likes them. He can start out sweeping and cleaning up and learning about the tools and what gets done. If he is inquisitive enough and hungry to learn, the rest will take care of itself. He’s in 8th grade now, by the time he graduates high school, and be darn sure to encourage the diploma vs. leaving for a full time job prior. You may need to speak privately with the owner to be sure they understand the bigger picture and his need to continue school. (Do not go into too much detail about the ld issue stuff, but just mention that he learns differently and has some ld stuff going on… Nothing about fighting with your district…).

Rest assured, many in the construction trades understand all this. They lived it or know someone who has.

Regarding his size, I think it suffices to say that the district’s discriminatory belief system only displays thier ignorance for life in the real world.

I work for a builder. I’m a superintendent among many other things that I do. I’ve done general labor, customer service, concrete work, and job site supervision as an assistant and a super. I’ve met hundreds if not thousands of construction workers, and they come in all shapes and sizes. The ones that are jerks also come in all shapes and sizes too! For certain, specific jobs, size can be an issue; that’s why when beams need to be lifted, 6 or 8 guys get together and do it. When something is in a tight spot, we look for someone who can fit, with the ability to solve the problem. (I’m 6’4” and 250 lbs, and more than once I’ve had to get someone to help me get something done where I cannot fit :) We have our own framing company, and I can tell you today, we have guys working who are not much bigger than your son, and they do just fine. What is looked for is how big is his desire to do a job well, get it done in a timely manner, and does he show up on time ready and willing to go to work.

I guess I’ve rambled on enough, the topic is one that bugs me; regarding your school people. Peeved Principal and I have danced this one around the bb more than once!

I am ld, dyslexic/dysgraphic and I cannot write one word in cursive writing. My printing is horrendous and many to this day still point this out to me. I have learned compensatory skills that have enabled me to survive and succeed where others who work around me are impressed with what I can do. I do not do what I do to impress others, I am self driven and hungry to do a good job and feel like I’ve done something well. I like the challenges and the fact that I’ve found a niche where I can excell. By the way, my employer purchased a lap top for me, which usually stays in the office, unless he has me travelling to go check on other jobs out of town.

So… now that I have even rambled further, suffice to say DON’T LISTEN TO THEM, follow your instincts and feed the child’s interests. The rest will work itself out.

Best regards.

Andy

Andy, well said. Crystal, ask the school district for the name of a free educational law center. They have to give the number (if there is one). You can also request the names and contacts of support groups in your area. Other parents have probably gone through the same thing as you are, and as you know from BB’s, they can have some good advice. You can also check with the NICHY web page….here is a link for state resources.
http://www.nichcy.org/states.htm
NICHY

This is violation of ADA,as well as IDEA. They can not limit his placement ,because he happens to be LD.

here is a link you need to look at. It is a document developed by the Office of Civil Rights,written to School Districts,giving them scenarios to check their own complaince http://www.edlaw.net/service/guidcont.html. Scroll down and access the section that discusses accesibility to programs. I would then send a copy of this,along with a Gebser letter to the director of special education services in your district. A gebser letter is named after a case where the accountable person,whom once is aware of the discrimination,fails to correct it ,will be held accountable. By not responding to your letter,they are claiming indifference to discrimination. If this is happening to your step son,this is happening to a lot of other students,and will affect your younger son eventually.
You have a history with the district,they are aware that you are willing to follow up with a State Complaint,if need be. Back to the gebser letter,basicly what it is requesting him to correct this discriminatory act. Frankly limiting him to vocational ,vs. a reg college prep curriculum is also discriminatory. Of course you must look at what the student desires,hence a “transition IEP”,this practice is not only a violation of the stepsons civil rights,as well as all others,but it also reeks of retaliatory practices. Any you , will find this section to clarify pretty clearly that they are violating rights.
And you can also check out my website. It’s a bunch of links to laws,strategies etc. stuff I picked up along the way.
http://specialedmom.homestead.com/index.html

Thanks Andy!

My Dad was a Contractor for many years and he told me that yes, carpenters do hire small guys for the tight spots. The IEP is this afternoon, and I’m going in with guns ablazing!

I would like to hear more about how you have dealt with your dyslexia/dysgraphia because my nine year old son has both along with ADD. It’s a fairly new diagnosis and I’m still trying to understand where he is at and how best to help him.

Crystal

Thanks Andy!

My Dad was a Contractor for many years and he told me that yes, carpenters do hire small guys for the tight spots. The IEP is this afternoon, and I’m going in with guns ablazing!

I would like to hear more about how you have dealt with your dyslexia/dysgraphia because my nine year old son has both along with ADD. It’s a fairly new diagnosis and I’m still trying to understand where he is at and how best to help him.

Crystal

That’s just it, I don’t know exactly what kind of disabilities we’re dealing with. I just got my SS last August and his grandma isn’t sharing info. I am going to have the school lay it out for me and I also am going to have his pediatrician refer him for an evaluation at UAB this summer.

All I can say is I know that right now he is on a thrid grade level in most subjects and the school is not challenging him to go further. As I have said before, he is humgry for learning, something I do not think he was before we got him. My family stresses education and he has eaten it up. My father has gotten software to help him improve his math and reading skills and recently he has moved on to a higher workbook in each (it just seemed to kill his teacher to do it).

I graduated from this school and I really enjoyed my time there. My husband also graduated from this school and cannot read or write. That is why I am so adament that they educate my sons correctly. They have already proved they can let kids fall through the gaps and I am going to see to it that this doesn’t happen to any of my boys.

Thanks,

Crystal

Hi, Crystal!
My name is Floria and I’m a student at Georgia Sothwestern State University. I don’t if I will be much help with you making a decision on your stepson’s IEP evaluation coming up. From viewing my Federal Register Book of Laws, I looked at the law for IEP requirements ( 300.347 (b) (1), transition service needs ( age 14 or younger). This plan requires that transition plans analyze and report the prospect of a students benefiting from higher education and if so what kind; and if vocational education is recommended and not general higher education, the transition plans specify the reason why general higher education is not a meaningful alternative. You might want to go to your local library and see if you can check out a Federal Register Book and read all the IEP’s laws and any other laws that is pretaining to your stepson’s situation. I hope you will be able to get some helpful information from this law.
Floria Truitt

Crystal,

I guess the best way to describe how I’ve dealt with the ld issues is I have found a way to really tap into their assets.

I too have some version of ADD, and I seem to thrive on the hecticness and confusion of my job. I have no problem scheduling and working with 3 or more projects at the same time. I pretty much blast around all day dealing with one job or another, solving problems primarily. The ld factor keeps me from panicking with the mundane issues and focusing on the problem, solving it (with help from others) and then moving on.

You ask how I deal with it. My cell phone rings off the hook. I deal with employees, sub contractors, home owners, suppliers and neighbors. I am fluent in spanish (here in southern ca it’s a big help), and can hold more than one conversation at a time, often in two languages. I suppose I drive some folks nuts, but oh well.

My memory has been pretty finely tuned and I don’t forget much; that’s not to say “never”, because some things do fall between the crevaces/cracks ;)

My employer and I have a very long standing friendship and he seems to understand my abilities and strengths and he allows me pretty much any tool I need to be productive and effective. The lap top I mentioned before is a huge help, but at this time, a regular computer is fine.

My cell phone kind of doubles as a palm top, as I have one that can hold up to about 220 numbers. Each number can have up to 4 numbers attached to it. I can easily assume at any given time I have close to 250+ numbers on my phone. I have gotten lazy about remembering phone numbers, as I can now look them up with a few pushes of a button. Modern day conveniences, how we ever survived without them?!!!

I have been using a digital camera with date/time on photos to track jobs. It’s great for many reasons, but mostly I can fall back on using it to help me keep track of things in my log. I keep a log book that is in my own handwriting; some may call it worse though. It’s very hard to read, even for me, but it is how I keep track of important stuff. The camera and pictures make it possible to go back to dates and times and help jog memory for what happened on a certain day, which subs showed up (or didn’t)…

I type about 60 wpm, and with pretty good accuracy. It has been a Godsend to be able to get down in words at the speed of thought, versus the struggle, and I do mean physical struggle handwriting is for me.

So, basically that’s how. My wife is the one who really should get all the credit. She is the stable one, who has been able to see when our son and I bump into one another due to the ld factors. She tries to point it out to me, usually after the fact, and then things sort of make sense. I have little trouble digressing back to being a teen ager with him, when the interaction warrants it; although I should know better :)

For the most part, we get along fine, he and I, and I say this as he is going to turn 19 in about 48 hours or so! Wow!

Funny thing is I don’t think I could do what I do as well as I do it if I didn’t have the ld issues. Very few people could handle the work load, the distractions and the hecticness without stressing out. For the most part I have tons of fun with my day, and I really enjoy what I do. Sometimes, yes, things can be frustrating, but usually it is a certain specific issue, that can be resolved, and then it’s back to normal old insanity for me.

I sure hope this helps.

Andy

OK, we had SS IEP meeting today. I found out that he is classified as mentally retarded. His spelling is on a second grade level, math and language skills are on a third grade level. The school denied him access to woodworking because to get into the class you must make a 100 on the safety test. This cannot be modified, they said.

So, I let them place him in horticulture for two years. I know this sounds like I gave up, but if he had not taken horticulture, he would have been forced to be the only kid in his class left at the school while everyone else went to vocational school. This also would have meant that he would have been forced to take all academics next year and the IEP team did not feel that he would “succeed” in these classes.

And my SS turned on me at the IEP meeting. His special ed teacher said that he never told her he didn’t want to take horticulture. I told her he was adanemt at home that he didn’t wish to take the class. Long story short we called him out of class to answer the questions in front of all of us. We explained to him that he didn’t have the math and language skills at this time to take woodworking. He cannot multiply and divide and cannot understand fractions or read a ruler or tape at this time. He also cannot read and comprehend above a 2.5 level. We also explained that if he takes horticulture for two years while we work with him on these skills and with a copy of the safety test, he will then be allowed to take woodworking and get certified in that also. He decided that he would take horticulture for now.

I was told that next school year he will have an occupational evaluation to tell us what he is best suited to take. And we decided to start teaching him life skills, ie. how to fill out a job application, telling time, counting money, and his basic personal information.

Now I have a new question. What exactly is mental retardation? Does that mean that he is just slow in learning or is it an umbrella diagnosis? Can we still have him tested for seperate disabilities so that we can address each area seperately? This is really new ground for me. I have never dealt with anything like this before.

Thak you everyone for all of your input. It really helped. I just walked into this blind.

Crystal

How exactly was your ss classified mentally retarded? Has he had a full evaluation? If not then you should request one from the school. In Writing. He does sound like he has been behind his age peers for a very long time in school.A full eval. would tell you what issues you are dealing with and if indeed he is mr then you would be able to access resources dealing with mr. I am not a professional, just a mom :o) but I know there are other folks on this board that can help with specifics. I noticed from Floria’s post that the school is late in planning for transition services for your ss. I don’t know if there is a separate rule about the age vs. high school attendance(since your ss is in 7th). I think you all might have a long road ahead of you, there are many folks on this board, myself included, who are willing to lend an ear, answer a question or help in anyway we can. Good luck to you and best wishes.

Hi Crystal,
I’m sure you did just fine with the information and amount of time you had to work with. Getting the best education for your child is an ongoing process, and most parents have to learn as they go. I think it is a mistake for anyone to go into these kinds of meetings with an all or nothing attitude. It sets parents up to feel defeated, even if they walk out with more than they had when they went in. Of course we always want what we want (and firmly believe our child needs) but it’s important to remember that education is a process…not a one shot deal. Once you have had a full evaluation and had an opportunity to study up what it means, you will be in a better position to negotiate. It’s pretty hard to start making demands for changes when you don’t know for sure what’s working and what isn’t, or even what is meant by terms that are being used.

That brings up another question. How did THE SCHOOL define “mental retardation” to you? Did they give you his IQ score(s)? Did they say something like he has a full scale IQ of XYZ, so we can say he is MR? Did they use words like “mild” or “educable” or what specifically DID they say? It is perfectly appropriate for you to request more complete information about how, when and to whom this term is applied in your school district. Naturally you will need to have a copy of whatever guideline was used. Do a search on this website to get more information about how MR is defined. There is more than one “definition” and the more you know, the better it will be when you meet with the school again.

I was interested in your comment about grandma not sharing information with you. I assume this means she is also witholding the information from her son (your husband). What’s the deal with that? JJ

The school didn’t define what MR meant. My SS was in the room at the time I asked his teacher just what his disabilities are and she whispered to me “He’s MR, that means mentally retarded”. And she said that we will be doing good to get him to a point where he can live independantly someday. But thanks to all the advice you guys are giving me, I will be finding out the specifics.

I also found out that evening that this fifteen year old boy has never been told by anyone why he was put in special ed or what his disabilities are. I was afraid to explain exactly what they told me, so I told him that he was kind of like his little brother who has ADD, dysgraphia, and a serious reading disability. That they just didn’t seem to take the time to pinpoint each disability, just giving it all one name in mental retardation. It’s the best way I could think of not to give him misinformation but still let him know what is going on.

In our state, Alabama, it is the law that transitional services are to be assessed and prepared for beginning at age 14. All of this will begin next year instead. Somebody dropped the ball last year when this should have taken place. Grandma didn’t even bother to show up for either his or his sisters IEP meetings and his special ed teacher did what she thought was best for them at the time. And our local high school also starts at seventh grade, so he is already in high school.

As far as I know, the mental retardation tag comes from Grandma wanting to get SSI started for him. And that is the last time I know of him being eveluated. That was probably ten or eleven years ago. I am trying to contact his pediatrician now about a referral for an independant evaluation. I trust no one in our school system since I have been at this with my son.

And as to the Grandma question, if you really want to know, keep reading. If not, stop here.

My SS had lived with his grandparents since he was 8 months old. His sister came to live with them about two or three years later. Anyway, there was suspected physical and sexual abuse with visible bruises and DHR pulled the kids and brought them to live with us until they could complete their investigation. That evening after a caseworker went to the grandparents’ house to get some personal items for the kids, their grandfather shot himself in the chest with a shotgun committing suicide. Since Grandpa was dead, the investigation into the sexual abuse was stopped. Grandma had had a stroke and could not care for the herself, let alone the kids, so the investigation into the physical abuse was stopped and the kids were left here.

Of course Grandma blamed the kids for Grandpa’s death and blamed us for taking them away from her. They had been drunks for years, and we did our best to help the kids, but they had legal custody and you couldn’t get proof against them. And they showed little interest in the kids education or disabilities, prefering to drink a beer to going to the school. They were the same way with my husband who is functionally illiterrate although he has a high school diploma. He cannot read and can barely write. Hereditary problems in the kids? Probably.

Anyway, Grandma will not tell me anything even though all this happened last August. She won’t even give me a medical history on the child so this is a joy.

Sorry I went so long, but you asked.

Crystal

Hi Crystal,

This is a very interesting story. The first thing I would want to know is does your step son qualify for SSI, and if so, is HE getting it? It is intended in part to assist those with VERY low incomes and special needs, so that needed services and/or equipment can be purchased. If he is not getting the money, is it possible grandma is continuing to get it and is being uncooperative because she does not want anyone asking questions that may cause her to be “found out”? If I were you, I would be talking to the caseworkers who were involved with removing this child from her home. I think they can assist you in getting the information about why he qualified for SSI in the first place. SSI is a federal program, but a caseworker for the state should be able to help you get the information. Grandma’s lack of cooperation is very suspicious. Let me also add that many cases of fraud in this program have been documented, with some individuals actually exploiting their own children in order to get the extra payment, which is over $400 per month. That does not tell us anything about what is going on with your SS, but it is important that you get your hands on the information that will tell you how it was originally determined he should qualify. If there is a school social worker anywhere in your system, please contact that person as well and ask for more input. Best wishes, JJ

Yes, he gets SSI which we managed to reroute to us for him instead of going to Grandmother. She was trying to hand him a sob story that she needed the money to pay her bills after Grandfather died, but I had his payee changed to my husband anyway. But that cannot be the only reason that she doesn’t want to tell me anything about the past. There is still something else that is being hidden, I just can’t figure out what it is.

I have to request some of SS school records anyway, so could I not just request a copy of the entire file? Even with it being the last week of school, don’t they still have to honor the request in a timely fashion instead of putting me off until next year? This school system is killing me, but when I get to the end of my rope, I just tie a knot and hang on tight. And ocassionally it does pay off.

Thanks for the info.

Crystal

Hi Crystal,

You must be a real thorn in grandma’s side! It doesn’t sound like she was planning on spending the money on your SS, does it? No wonder she’s not being very cooperative…! Can you name any equipment or services your SS was provided with this money while she was in charge?

It sounds like you are gradually getting more and more control over the situation even without her help. I still think the caseworker would be a great source of information for you regarding the overall picture, and what needs your SS has. The school should hand over those school records without delay. If necessary, send a registered letter. Since you are having an independent evaluation this summer, you might let the doctors know you have had trouble getting information to share with them. They will probably have you or your husband fill out a form that instructs the school to send records to them, so one way or another you will get the information. I’m so sorry you’re having to go about this the hard way, though. Hang in there and remember that you are doing the right thing. Your SS is very lucky to have you in his corner. Best wishes. JJ

As far as I know she would ask SS what he wanted if he could have one thing each month and go and buy that for him and that was it. We all know teenage boys, so most of the stuff was just junk.

Yesterday was the last day of school for this year so I don’t know how to get the records now. We will just have to take his IEP for next year with us and fill out whatever forms they ask for to get him evaluated. I’m not really sure I would trust what the school said was wrong with him anyway. They’ve been caught coming up with a lot of wrong answers about a lot of different kids. I swear they don’t care about the kids they teach here as long as they are quiet and keep out of trouble. Anyway, after the evaluation this summer I will know exactly what the problems are and then I will go to bat for him just as I have for my nine year old son. Lately, I have been this school’s worst nightmare (ha ha ha ha) and it worked out beautifully for my nine year old.

Thanks for all your help.

Crystal