My 10 year old son has dysgrahia along with sensory integration problems and some slight speech problems. He is a little clumsy and very soft spoken at school. Despite his problems he usually makes A’s and B’s on his report card with an occasional C. He is well behaved. So he seems to be coping with his disabilities fairly well but is haunted by very low self esteem. He does not fit in that well with the other boys because they don’t care about school like he does.(I guess) They also call him teacher’s pet. etc. Our school takes all the high achieving kids and pulls them into special honors classes so the bright, achievers are never in his classes. I don’t want to home school and though I would love to place him in one of the great private schools that deal with ld s I have a hard time justifying it financially since he is moderately successful.
He just seems so sad, hates school and feels unsuccessful. Does anybody have any ideas? He hates extracurricular activities. He prefers to play with neighbors, build web sites, play independently. After a day at school he is too wiped out emotionally for structured activities.
Re: could use a little advice
Two thoughts occurred to me as I read your post. The first is that your son feels bad about his achievements, even though objectively he is doing OK. Could it be that he requires an inordinate amount of teacher help (the teacher’s pet comment) and that it isn’t really going as well as it appears? Or that he can do it but it is taking a serious toll on him and thus he is wiped out at the end of the day? Yes to either of these questions suggest to me the need for either additional help or additional accomodations.
Second, I think there are lots of serious students who are well liked. I wouldn’t be quick to assume that is the cause. I was a serious student and had some social problems in middle school. I liked to explain it that way (I am serious they are not)but even then I knew that other kids got A’s and had more friends than me. If your son is having problems socially that could explain a lot of his reaction to schoool, even if the academics are OK. (I hated school in 7th and 8th grade, even though I got all A’s). I would talk to his teacher and try to get a sense of this. Is he willing to do structured activities that don’t involve his classmates—e.g., soccer team? I just wonder whether dealing with his classmates is wearing him out as much as school. On the other hand, I wouldn’t worry too much, in absence of other problems, about him not wanting to do structured activities. I think we place too much emphasis on them.
Beth
Re: could use a little advice
Okay, I’m not a mom… but I’ve seen the wear & tear that a bad fit has on a kid who is doing okay academically as a teacher. I would think *hard* before I let grades be my main “financial justification” for where my kid went to school, especially since it could very well be that two years of good remediation and confidence building could set the kid up for success that *he* thinks is success.
Re: could use a little advice
I think all of the other suggestions are really good ones. I’ll add a few more…..
Interactive Metronome would probably help with the slight clumsiness (http://www.interactivemetronome.com). I assume he’s getting therapy for the sensory integration problems? Private OT’s provide much more of this than school OT’s.
Also, I am wondering if he should be tested for CAPD — which often has as a side effect poor socialization and sensory integration problems. This eval is often covered by medical insurance. You can find out more about CAPD (to see if your son fits the profile) at http://pages.cthome.net/cbristol/
Mary
Re: could use a little advice
There are more aspects to success at school than academics. Your son’s grades are certainly good ones but do you see his experience as successful across the board? If there is a private school in your area that you think would do a better job and it lies within your reach, justifying it shouldn’t be the issue. He is moderately successful with his grades but he is not enjoying that same level of success in his social relationships at all. If again private school really does lie within your ability, you might consider going to visit them or having your son spend a day at one and see if he seems to be more comfortable there.
If you remain in your local school, you might consider sitting down with the teacher and/or the school psychologist or guidance counselor and telling them your concerns. Ask the teacher to suggest some boy in his class or the other classes in his grade that might be able to make a connection with your son. As a teacher, I can sometimes see friendship possibilities at school even before the kids can. You could foster a friendship by having that child over on a Saturday after your son has had Friday night to recoup from school. You could also ask that your son be placed in a class next year with that child or others that might prove to be friends to him.
Another thought might be to find a local computer club as he likes to build web sites especially during the summer when he has more time and is not wiped out by school.
Good luck.
First off, since you know he has dysgraphia and SI problems, does that mean you have had him tested? If so, did the testing point to any particular strenghts? Is he getting accommodations or resource support in his classroom?
I’m wondering if you son is GT/LD. If he’s making A’s and B’s, perhaps he is gifted in some areas and should be in some of the higher level classes and receive accommodations.
You mentioned that he hates extracurricular activities. That makes it tough to provide extra focus on his strenghts. It sounds like he has strong computer skills. Is there any sort of mentoring program in your district that matches kids with a mentor in his area of interest to do a project? Would he be interested in an after school computer club that would work on his school’s Web site or other things? Maybe a summer camp that focuses on his interests? Any interest in joining Boy Scouts when he’s in the 6th grade?
Maybe a social skills group would be helpful too. Maybe the school counselor could get a group together of boys with similar interests.
LJ