OK, I know I’m not alone in homeschooling a special needs child. My question is, why does it seem that I am being accused of being a bad mother because I refuse to put my kid on medication. Has anyone else been made to feel that way by the experts. They come at me with things like “If he had diabetes, you wouldn’t think twice about giving him insulin would you?” Well, of course, nobody would. I wouldn’t think twice about giving him medication now were it not for the fact that I don’t see the need for it (and I spend a heck of a lot more time with him than the “experts” do) Any advice? Witty comebacks are very welcome.
Re: Am I alone in this?
Well a case can be made for either side—Meds VS No Meds But your need to follow your own instinct. You also don’t give insulin if there’s another way —(diet controled is always used if it works) or whatever so why jump to meds for other conditions. Maybe environment less distraction,set schedules and shorter study sections intermingled with an active periods will help. You are no alone. Meds can help and meds can have neg. side effects. With meds the indivual may not have a chance to discover they own controls as they mature. Hang in there you know what’s best -don’t rush listen to your heart.
Re: Am I alone in this?
K I totally agree with you. I have an LD/ADHD child who is not medicated.
I have been told over and over and over again by the school that she needed medication. I finally told them to never mention it to me again. I knew their wishes but I still wasn’t going to drug my child. I will say that there are definately children out there who need medication. My daughter is not one of them though. My argument with the school is this: if she were to be taught, way back when, in a way that SHE understood, not in a way that every single other child, LD or not was being taught, then maybe she would be more successful than she is. You see, the teacher’s these days, in my experiences anyway, only know one way to teach and that way does not include kid who learn differently.
I will not drug my child to make a teacher’s job easier. I always say to them, why are kids in Japan or other foreign countries medicated the way the kids in the US are. They of course have no answer or they give some stupid one that makes no sense. I also ask them, and the physician’s who love to medicate, if they would drug their kids some say yes but really most either don’t answer or say no. Then I say, then don’t tell me to drug my daughter.
If everyone works together then I think people would be surprised at what would come of cooperation. Nobody wants to cooperate these days thoough, they just want whats easier for them, the teacher’s is whom I am talking about.
I know that there are teacher’s who read this board and they will probably be upset with what I have said, but again, in my experience, I have always dealt with teachers who push the drug issue. Not once, and I will reiterate, not once have I gotten a teacher who has said not to put her on drugs.
So, no K, you are not alone in this but you are one of a very few I do think.
Re: Am I alone in this?
Dear K,
Medication has been mentioned to us in regard to our seven year old son in two recent meetings. I was so appalled at the first meeting I suggested to the doctor that in a hundred years she and her kind would be viewed with the same disdain as the doctors who bled and leached their patients. Her reply, “bleeding and leaches were not all bad” !! Really? I’m no doctor but that one was new to me. I’d calmed down enough to listen to the drug rationale by the second meeting with a different doctor. Oh, the rationale was soooo good and tempting “he’d be able to sit and focus” “he’d be able to organize and plan his actions and activities” “it would free him of the burden of a scattered thought process.” I thought gee, I really would like those things for him, am I holding him back from his true potential? And then I remembered he CAN sit and focus. He CAN organize and plan. What he can’t do is spend six hours at a desk doing mind numbing worksheets and busy work. Who could? When I got my thoughts back together again I realized it is not the boy who doesn’t fit the system it is the system that doesn’t fit the boy. After next Friday it is all homeschooling for us!! Everybody feel free to get up and move around!
Stick to your guns. Best of luck!
Jess
Re: Am I alone in this?
Just a note in reply to c’s note. I have gone back and forth on meds. vs. no meds. In Oct. my son will be seen by a specialist and there is a chance that he will suggest meds. The reason I say this is because of some of the testing results that we have already received from our school district. I’m leaning toward medication because so much of the research I have done shows that there is a difference when children are on medication verses not. They are able to concentrate, get more studying done in less time, grades go up,…My mother is a retired teacher of 35 years and she has noticed the difference in kids. I must say, I took offence at the comments about teachers in C’s reply. Not all teachers teach using the old methods (sit in your seat and do your work). My mother was very much in to teaching to the 7 intellegences, and very much realized that children learn differently. Right now I do have my son take lots of breaks and have done the other things C suggested. We end up spending the whole day just trying to get through the bare minimum because my son is so easily distracted. He can’t even read a sentence without stopping in the middle of it to look at the picture on the page, or make some comment about what he is reading. If medication is suggested, I am going to try it. Time will tell if it helps him or not, but if it does my son will be so much farther ahead. I feel like I could go on and on with my own son’s experiences and difficulties. It would be nice to see him not struggling so hard. Medication is not a cure, but at least it can help doing the schooling times when being able to attend is important.
Sincerely, Kim
Re: Am I alone in this?
My son has been homeschooled all his life and just finished 3rd grade. We do get up and move around and he still struggles!! Homeschooloing is great for these kids inparticular, but it is really tough especially on mom. I must say I would not send him to a school. I’m also willing to try medication if it will help him in his attending.
Sincerely, Kim
Re: Am I alone in this?
Dear Kim and all,
I thought after I made my post that I had been insensitive and flippant to those who have decided medication is the best thing for their child. Please accept my apology.
What I should have said is that medication is definitely not for us (at this time). I should have said that K should never feel guilt, shame, or embarrasment over the decisions she makes for her child. We are all doing the best that we can for our children.
Best of luck to you and your family. Best of luck to everyone struggling with the meds v. no meds question. When these children are adults we will have done our best by them and our best will have to be good enough. They will be flawed, they will have their own intelligence, they will have their burdens to bear. All we can do is shepherd them toward their adulthood the best way we know how.
Regards,
Jess
Re: Am I alone in this?
Thanks for your comments and support. I realize that the meds - no meds question is a tough one. I hope I didn’t create any problems with this post. I wish everyone well with the choices they make. We are the best experts on our children.
Re: Am I alone in this?
I just wanted to let you know that I think you are making the right choice to home school. I’m reading a book that my mom had read and used in her teaching at the public school. (She taught middle school kids for many years-Bless her heart!!) The name of the book is “How to Reach and Teach ADD/ADHD Children” by Sandra F. Rief. I must warn you that there are interviews with children and adults diagnosed with ADD/ADHD that are possitive on medication, but that isn’t the reason I’m suggesting the book. The author gives so many practical ways to help these kids in all areas ie: math, reading, language arts, spelling, ect. A lot is geared toward the classroom setting, but a lot so applicable to the home setting as well. The author also gives many references to other matterial as well. The library might have it or I’m sure you can get it at the book store. I just checked Amazon.com and you can order it the for I think it was $22.plus dollars. It has been very helpful to me any way. Best of luck to you!! and be encouraged. You’re the only one who knows what is right for your child. It is neat to “talk” with other mothers who care so much about their children. There are so many kids out there that don’t have mothers who care. Those are the kids that I worry about.Appology accepted. I guess I’ve seen my son stuggle so much that I’m willing to try meds. if they are suggested. It’s not an easy decision. We’ll see what happens. Have a blessed weekend.
Sincerely, Kim
i think mom knows best
i think as long as your child continues to learn like to learn and you are willing to invest the time into rederecting and taking breaks when they need it, you are doing the right thing…………for now. there might come a time when you feel diferently and as long as you keep your mind open to the option your doing fine. know one will ever know your child like you. Keep loving keep encouraging and you will be fine. Try to rember there are now on line colleges home tutors and academic testing online or on cd rom which can be helpful. there are always options all children are different, they learn different, but they all need love support and joy most
a struggling mom also
dee
Re: Am I alone in this?
This is definitely an EXCELLENT book found on the bookshelves af all the SpEd teachers I know. And since you are a SpEd teacher…..
Re: Am I alone in this?
I have 6 children. My 10 yr. old is ADD and has another learning disability. I do not medicate him, as we can work with his difficulties without meds. My 6 year old is a different story. She is bouncing off the walls and absolutely CAN’T focus without meds. She is ADHHHHHHHHHHHHHD. So, we medicate her. I think you have to consider each child on an individual basis and NO one can tell you what is best for your child except you! You observe them every day and you KNOW if they need meds or not.
Homeschooling is great for these kids, but I agree with another post, it CAN be rough on mom! Hang in there.
Shirley
This may now be what you want to hear but….I used to think the same thing you did. I didn’t think my child had ADD. I just figured it was her CAPD and would get mad at the teachers when they would suggest that she just isn’t paying attention. Part of the problem was me because I had the same problem, I am ADD and so are my kids.
The most eye opening experience for me was being in an undergrad class in language development and I heard the professor describe children and adults with ADD. I looked at my girlfriend and said, “she is describing me and my daughter.” It still took me 2 more years of reading and research to finally make the choice to get her medication. The auditory trainer wasn’t enough. I wish I had done it so much sooner. After we tried meds she looked at me and said, “Mom, I can finally concentrate, she felt the difference.”
Her ADD-Inattentive behaviors over the years have cost her dearly. Now I am trying to fill the language gaps that YEARS of inattentive behaviors have left. Her self-esteem is fragile, she feels stupid and gives up easily. I have tried Meds and they have made a big difference in the way that I process and retain information. I recently made the deans list after 2 years of being a B student. It was when I was on meds that the grades went up. I could finally do what I knew I was capable of doing only without the meds my mind was always racing and riddled with indecision and anxiety. There is something to how the brain works and meds can help along with behavior modification strategies. I don’t take the meds all the time, only when I need to concentrate and study for exams.