Hey everyone. I hope I’m not bothering anyone, but I am so frustraited and I need someone who understands LDs to talk to.
I was diagnosed with a Learning Disability when I was in the second grade. And though I tested to be of above average intellegience, I was pulled from normal classes and put into a group called “C-Level”. This was only for my Math classes and later in my schooling career, English classes. Until I reached Middle school I was taught nothing, not even how to mulitply. I was not taught to cope with my learning disabilities. I did well enough in school despite not learning any math skills. I was average but not spectacular. I got by and when I hit highschool, I decided that I had been misdiagosed and I was just too easily bored, which made it LOOK like I had an LD. I fought hard (with the backing of my mother), to be released from the C-level program and entered my first REAL NORMAL math class in 11th grade where I did great. I had become very good at coping until after graduation, then I floundered. I went to college but stopped 14 credit hours short of an associates degree.
I am 30 years old now, and over the past 5 years my learning disability has become glaringly obvious and my frustration is overwhelming. I have been working in an office setting, doing data entry. This is where all my work experience is, but looking back I know I am bad at it. I’m always making mistakes…BIG money costing mistakes. When I think I have something right it’s wrong. I do all I can to cope. Use all my resources to make sure I do things correctly and I will be confidant that I have, and then a week later I will be slapped in the face with these glaring errors and I just don’t understand how it happened when I tried so hard.
I am currently without employment and have been unable to find a job. I have discussed my problems with my husband of two years and he says. “You just don’t try hard enough.” “You are not putting any effort into it” “You’re just too lazy”. These are common complaints with things at home as well….He says I am just effortless and lack motivation. In a four hour discussion which involved a lot of tears on my part and a lot of “what the heck is your problem” on his part, I brought up the subject of the learning disability. In short he told me I was full of balony and didn’t believe I had anything of the kind. I made him aware that it has been documented, and that I was tested over and over and over. I explained to him what it was and he just scoffed at me. I went online and printed out articals about Learning Disabilites and all he could say was. This doesn’t fit you. He thinks that my “differences” are caused by what he calls my “genius” and that if I really made an effort in my work and if I really tried hard I’d get a job and keep it with no problem.
I feel like such a screw up. Such a horrible person. No matter how hard I try it just isn’t enough (and I don’t mean with just my husband), I mean with everything. I have fantastic verbal skills (though I am not as good at listening), I have an above average vocabulary, and am good at writing. I am an avid reader with a great comprehension level. I am mechanically inclined….but when it comes to math, remembering phone numbers, oral instructions, reading numbers, keeping focus on tasks which do not intrest me, I am worse than awful. I’ve gotten so good at denying to myself that something was wrong and hiding my difficulties from others. But I don’t know what to do now. I just feel so inadaquate and so lost. I have so much talent am good at so much, but those talents just seem like little facades….little jokes on me that say “you could be great…but oops too bad they’re not real ha ha ha” My so called great talents only carry me so far before I hit this tremendous brick wall. I hate it. How do I cope with this? And what do I do next time I get a job and find myself sliding down the hill of failure? Do I do like I did in my last employment and confess to my learning disability only to have them find a conveinent way to lay me off a few months later? What do I do?
Re: LD Denial
Mem,
Unfortunately, I can only give you a short response right now but actually, folks like us work so hard trying to be like normal people. If anything, we probably don’t know when enough is enough as what we try to do is never good enough.
Gosh, is your husband related to my siblings by any chance? I wish I could give you a big hug as I know that must feel awful to not have his support. Your LD is real and you are wise to be thinking about how it effects you. Hope that helps and I’ll try to remember to come back and see if I can expand on my answer.
PT
Re: LD Denial
Thanks for your responses. I really hate acknowleging my LD. When I finally fessed up at my last job they started treating me like I was a moron and it was so humiliating. I talked to a college professor friend of my husband a few days ago, and I don’t think he realized I saw him rolling his eyes, nor did he see my anger at his response to the question I posed. His response was. “They should have special classes for LD people at the college and leave the other corses for normal people. I don’t have time to accomadate them.” I wanted to slap him. All I could think is NORMAL PEOPLE????? What is normal anyway? Who is normal? And if being a pompas you know what is normal, then leave me out.
I suppose I understand what he was saying to a degree but it was SO WRONG. You’d think as an educator he’d care, and have a bit more understanding of what LD is and how it affects it’s sufferers. I wonder if he feels the same way about people who come into his class with wheel chairs.
Meanwhile, my husband has spoken to my mother who sweetly gave him a good dressing down (Gotta love Mom, she’s halariously great), and he now seems to understand and accept that I have differences, and those differences don’t make me weaker or less of a person, they just make things….well…different. He has agreed that we need to work on ways to accomodate my disabilities and cope with my problems.
Still I’m just frustraited and feeling low and wondering if there is a job out there I can actually be good at, like, and not cause problems with. The problem is finding it. Guess it will take time. I will look into Job Accomodation Network though. Thank you so much.
Re: LD Denial
Mamm:
I cannot understand how your professor can make a statement like that ! I guess deprograming this country and the attitude it holds about LD needs to be a priority. Maybe, he really does not want wheelchair folks either in his class… Anyway, I am glad you will try the JAN I wish you luck.
Re: LD Denial
i under stand!!! im not stupid but, i have to try alot harder then any one else .
other people can get up out of bed ( not try) in lack of words,but if i have something on my mind or just not having a good day ,every thing goes wrong little stupid stuff, that i know, but guess hand a brain fart at that moment im sure you get my point i guess i cant complain to much , i can do any thing i put my mind to ,i just wish it would com easy
Re: LD Denial
i under stand!!! im not stupid but, i have to try alot harder then any one else .
other people can get up out of bed ( not try) in lack of words,but if i have something on my mind or just not having a good day ,every thing goes wrong little stupid stuff, that i know, but guess hand a brain fart at that moment im sure you get my point i guess i cant complain to much , i can do any thing i put my mind to ,i just wish it would com easy
Re: LD Denial
oh hunny ,what tell you see my spelling,hocked on fonics, no; it all I know so if you can sound it out you can read it .I realy need a speaker program for this thing,no tipping that would be nice.any ways I fill the first thing is to remember that to get in to an LD program,like you all ready sead your IQ must be abuve avreag.That means right of the bat your smarter than alot of these egnaren,pregadis asses;oah there I sead it(hubby excludded of corss:).I thinck in ordere to coop with it all we tend to try and over compensat for it,I say try because in the proses we get all worked up, exited and panice;just like test angziaty.Thus the brane farts.2ed it seems you had a realy bad progam in school.I am sorry they faild you. half of there jod is to teach you how to deal with every day life.Remember your not responsabal for your LD your responsabel to figure out how to exell despit it.This cleshay has been use to death but were there is a will there is a way .Im still trying to fined my way but Ill get there.All of us here have hered all thous scarring statments time and time agen;Lets tack somthing that comes esaly to say, a rabiat,somthing like runing for exampel;it somthing they have preaty much dun allthere life right, now try and explan to them that runing dosent come naterly to you;that every time you try its hard let alone make it to the finich line (hair and tortas idea)Do you thinck they would get it?My point is the three R’s come naturly esear to most people and they just cant grasp the idia of somthing so easy to them beeing so hard for you.So you (must not be trying hard anuff ) and so on ,its a copout it esear to say things like that than it is to take the time to understand the LD in its intierty and admit there is a real disabilitie.How ever over all we are depply gifted people, some can right others have artistic abilates and still othere have very tenacel mines.Now whate they dont just have these abelates they take there skills and do things that are amasing.As Im soure you do.Please dont get any more deprest adout this get pissed,someone that is blined would not apalagis for not being abel to read standerd print,they would ask to be acomedated!As one should be,so why cant we be acomedated.We have the same rights.please dont just setl for secondery states,or we will never get the equalitys we deserve.
So chin up remember your not alone.We may have trubel runing but you know we shear can jump alot higher (sorry for the cheese)
Thankyou ,Toni
Re: LD Denial
Dear Mem,
I would love to chat with you one on one. e-mail me at [email protected]
Stormie
I think I can help you.’
Your not a screw up. I will try to come back later when the kids are not fussy.
I am 30 and struggling to find myself
First of all….. It is not your fault ! Period. Society has not accepted LD as a serious handicap and it is a long way to that day when it does. Please read books by Dale Brown entitled Learning a Living 2000. It is very helpful for LD people seeking jobs or starting careers and try the Job Accomodation Network or JAN on the internet. They can suggest possible strategies or accomodations for you when looking for a job and how to focus your dreams into the right career. I realize you must feel deeply fustrated and it is not easy for LD people living in this world. If one could start their own country or atonomy like the Palestinian Authority for LD people I would. Howver, keep the faith don’t give up.