Getting Fired Again

Dear David,

It makes my head hurt to think about all the pressure you are under now and also it makes my heart heavy that other people have been so cruel, when a kinder way to approach a person in your situation would do so much more good.

You impress me as someone who keeps on coming back up even though you get knocked down. You don’t stay down. Like Rocky. You try something else. You think of another option. You take another step. Even though you’re in pain, you try because you are a survivor. Look at all you’ve been through!

I too have a fairly recent diagnosis of ADHD (I have known about my depression for some time now.) I have also been fired numerous times and have a very choppy looking work record. I lost my job after September 11, 2001, and have only had three days of paid work since then. I have been very discouraged and low in self-confidence.

But my doctor changed my anti-depressant from Paxil to Effexor this past summer and I do think that finally in recent weeks I am beginning to feel better, that this medicine is more helpful for me. We’ll see.

One thing that has helped me this past year has been befriending a woman from church who came to the U.S. in August 2001 on a tourist visa and she has been living with her brother. Marilyn is from Cameroon and she speaks an African language first; French is her second language; and she now has had to learn English. And she doesn’t know how to read or write in any language.

I see my friend Marilyn face many obstacles and keep trying. Like you have done. She overstayed her visa and that was a little scary because of all the stories of illegal immigrants being deported now. But a couple weeks ago, she got to go to the main Immigration and Naturalization Office in Washington D.C. and she applied for political asylum and now she has been granted that and she will be able to get her green card and become a permanent resident.

She was by herself that day in Washington. She couldn’t read any signs. Or forms. She said she was directed to about ten different offices. She just went from one to the other and listened very carefully for when they called her name. Then a staff person explained yet another form and told her she needed to sign in this one spot. She was so confused she thought he had told her that she had to sign away her right to apply for political asylum and to agree to go back to Cameroon! But as soon as she signed her name in that one box, that same staffer told her, “Congratulations! Your application has been approved. You can stay in the U.S.”

When she told me all this she was so happy of course, and I was happy too for her. But she wasn’t naive or just completely trusting. She knew her future was in the balance. It could have gone the other way just as easily, because the U.S. has normal diplomatic relations with Cameroon, and so usually there wouldn’t be any “reason” for someone from Cameroon to seek asylum here.

Anyway, why am I telling you this? Because I have learned so much from her. She has heard many scare stories all year and yet she just says to herself, well, if it can’t work out that way, then there’s probably another way. She trusts and hopes and tries not to cave-in to fears for the worst.

She has struggled with her health all year too. When she first told me in the winter how poorly she was feeling, she couldn’t even explain herself very well. At first I thought she was telling me she was being abused at home. Then I thought she was telling me she had AIDS. Then I thought she was telling me she was having some sort of mental breakdown.

I called around and found a clinic w here they take charity cases and had a female doctor who spoke French. The doctor said her problem was that she had pretty out of control diabetes. Then Marilyn told me, that’s what the hospital had told her back in Cameroon! Can you imagine not having any medicine, not having the words to describe what is the matter? It boggles my mind.

Yet here is something else I learned as Marilyn’s friend. At the clinic, there is a social worker she meets with. The social worker gave Marilyn an application to Bristol-Myers to receive charity medicine from them as Bristol-Myers makes her diabetes medicine. Bristol-Myers sends her three months supply at a time. I found out that virtually all the pharmaceutical companies have this kind of program. Bristol-Myers even explains it all on their web-site.

So, I have a suggestion. Now I know that all churches are not equal, but sometimes a person is fortunate to meet knowledgeable people at church who can help you get pointed in the right direction. I suggest you contact a church—probably a larger, “downtown” type church. Perhaps you could begin attending worship services there. Then make an inquiry if there happens to be a social worker or a physician in the congregation who would be willing to talk with you. Pastors are often very caring too, but they usually are not knowledgeable about all the specific programs that are out there in the social service world.

The social workers that I have met are very ingenious about finding ways to help people get their entitlements or apply to a program and can troubleshoot if something has gone wrong. Like with the letter of dismissal from Medicaid. Basically, what you need is someone to help you find the resources that are out there and then can be consulted if you run into snags along the way.

Physicians don’t often keep up to date on all these programs, but they usually know someone who does know. Ask a doctor who might help you figure out a re-application to Medicaid, or what have you.

Now that I think about this, there are other places you could go to to find a social worker. (I am a church person, so I just thought of that first.) The United Way national organization encourages local United Ways to publish a directory of social services. Public libraries almost always have a copy. Many local United Ways also have a phone help-line, often called “First Call for Help.” The person taking these calls works from the directory to help you find what you need. Maybe a United Way organization could direct you to a social worker.

Also, you may want to go to a twelve-step group or to a self-help group for people who struggle with ADHD or with depression. Obviously this is not the same as therapy. But a lot of times, people who struggle with something tough like this and who are finally doing a little better, are interested in giving a hand to others who are in the position that they themselves were in such a short time ago. I have done some of that with my local CHADD chapter. What I would like to find is a group where I can be on the more receiving end when it comes to getting support for struggling with depression… .

One other thing about my friend Marilyn—since she is not from our culture, she doesn’t have such precise sensitivites about social correctness. She accepts my bluntness, my moodiness, my intensity, and so on, and doesn’t demand that I be so smooth and suave. How I appreciate that! She makes me feel great!

David, I hope that you will soon see a rainbow of hope in the midst of all this. God knows a person can only take so much without getting any encouraging signs. And I hope that you can feel some of the caring and concern that some people in your life have for you. Maybe your family is equally worried, but even if all someone can do is hold your hand right now, I hope you will be able to feel the comfort of their best intentions.

Take care,
Sincerely,
Leslie

David David David
Read my Years of Tears Post… I have taken a new job teaching EBD and LD in a rural setting… and am very much appreciated there. I hope you have documented. You may wish to contact the OCR for an advocate and the EEOC for work harassment. Do you have a professioonal diagnosis? Even without one… the ADA 504 Law protects you. Channel your energy into stopping this type of harassment. have you indeed been fired, or are they trying to fire you? For incompetence? Very hard to prove… Or insubordination? Or on trumped up, unjust nonsense? What is your status at this point? If you don’t mind, respond to me directly. Let me know your standing at the present. Send me a list or scan any letters you may have… I can help hook you up with rebuttals if you wish. Also, I can help you compose a letter asking for accomodations in the workplace. Please respond quickly if you still have the job. Or if not, respond so I can help you get help.
Georgia

David,
Read the posts by Louie and his respondees in both the Adults with LD and Adults with ADHD…
These may help! Find a Civil Rights Advocate. Not only are your rights being violated, but so are your students rights. Speak to an Equal Employment Oportunity Commision Attorney if possible. they handle work harrassment. Save copies of ALL correspondance.
In the meantime:
Write a very short letter (cold copy on paper and email copy as well to prove it was sent) to your superiors requesting
1. Accomodations for your disabilities. Don’t list them at all (privacy act)…
2. Ask for a meeting with superiors, County 504 Director, you and your OCR (Office of Civil Rights) Advocate
at a time and place convenient with your advocate. Also, See if tyour doctor would be willing to attend.
3. State that needed documentation will be available at such meeting.
4. Ask your doctor to write you a letter “To Whom it May Concern” stating your disability and his recommended accomodations for the particular job you are in at this time.

This will but you some time while you find an advocate. Don’t be forced into any thing else! Don’t meet without an advocate… even if you have to dress a pig up in a suit and refer to him as Mr. OCR Mayer. I had a school system almost kill me as well… I did ask for all these things…. never got the meeting. So I formally requested accomodations on my own. I put the bulk of any future mistakes by me on my bosses… because I could prove that I was contientious on the job and failures to meet deadlines, forgetting meetings, or losing items could be directly attributed to my disibilities. I was 48 when I did this… my mistakes were indicitive of my ADHD/LD not incompetence or irresponsibility or insubordination. After I took this step….I was treated with kid gloves. (Plus I informed my boss about my chat with an EEOC Lawyer, and my decision not to sue the system for work harrassment at that time, since my former bossses had been transfered to another school.
Georgia

Well, I was called into the principal’s office first thing Monday morning. She told me that I had been calling students at home and upsetting them. I haven’t talked to any students and I can get all my phone records and the students to prove this. She went on to say how I was getting fired for insubordination for not doing the “improvement plan.” I wrote it and was working on it but the letter had no due date on it so I thought she would call a meeting. Anyway, the district HR person had the principal type me up a resignation letter. I was so freaked out in her office from her tone that I signed it and told her I would go and formally resign. On the way over, I stopped by an attorney’s office and he told me not to turn it in. The principal has fabricated a huge lie about me and it’s hurting me, my wife, and children. This weekend I had a system crash and lost much of my email. I had some saved but one of my cd’s won’t read. If any of you have any mail I sent concerning this issue, please forward me a copy.
I’ve never felt this low in my life. I seriously don’t see much use in living.

HI,

Been there, done that. Tired of that old expression, but it is true.
Contact your UNION!!! Quickly. They can help you get rehired even if it is as a substitute, although you really want another perm job so you get all your benefits. Try to talk to them on the phone and get a time when you can go in in person as soon as possible.

If you are still on the payroll, they can help you stay on it somehow.

I am not sure if you want to tell them about your ADHD. Just the nasty, dishonest principal and the way you are being treated and the stress you are under.

Try to get a less stressful job somewhere in your district. Have you tried being a resource person for special ed?

Attend Union meetings and ask other teachers for suggestions.
Ann

PS I just read your last letter to Georgia about your system crash. DON:T do anything rash. Your kids will have to live with it the rest of their lives.

I do know how you feel. There is something our there that will save you. Hang on as I am hanging on right now too.

Keep in touch and I will keep in touch with you. and Georgia.
I too need those resources. Write and let me know how it is going. PLEASE

Let me know what happens.

I can’t believe how much your story has affected me. I went through a similar situation at work this year. I really don’t understand what makes people want to treat others with depression and add so horrible. My boss did force me to resign and I just gave in because I didn’t feel like fighting it and resigning helped me to keep a lesser job that I have with the university. I wish I had fought it. Please Hang in there. I know it sounds so corny. I am 22 and going to begin teaching next fall. By reading your story I am learning how important it is to know your rights and protect yourself from discrimination. This kind of stress can tear your life apart. I know that you are a good teacher and it saddness me to know you are without a job. We must fight this system that shuns us! Just get up everyday and start over. Even small steps towards success get you in the right direction and things will turn around. - Love Vee Denton Texas

To Whom it may concern:

If I sent you the following email:

I got all of your emails from the Adult Bulletin Boards off ldonline.org. I was just sending this message to you because I have read all your entries. I am wondering if you would like to join this group so that we can continue to help our fellow men and women know that they are not alone with the problems that we face with ADD/HD and other attention disorders. If you do, that is great. If you don’t I understand and I will not bother you anymore.

Thank you for your time.

Will Haeger

I would like to apologize. I did not mean any offense. I only meant that I read all your entries that you have placed on this bulletin board and have really appreciated it. Again, I did not meant any offense. Thanks. Will

Seems to me if you cannot keep a job then people who are ADHD (clinical) entitled to some kind of helpful benefits?

I will go on the record to say, most of us with adhd have job problems. I have been where I am for 4 yrs. but it is not easy. I take mental abuse and mental cruelty on a daily basis. I have no recourse as all involved are not going to get involved to help me. So I suffer in silence. I am hoping to find a better job that pays more money and has benefits, but for right now, I am stuck. So we all with adhd are poor, and have no real $$ to do anything. I mean I make $9.30 an hour. I am 34 yrs old. and support a family. Luckily I live where that is enough money to survive, but I am one paycheck from poverty. So I do it out of necessity. I am sure there are worse out there than me. And one day, we will get help and the medication to help us. till then„ no money, no medicine.

David,

There IS much use in living. I believe the trials we face here are temporary. One day the truth will be known. You are not lazy, stupid, or crazy. You mean well. We all do, and we’re so misunderstood. I believe in you, brother. You’ve been a survivor…now it’s time to live. Here’s praying that we’ll one day move from staying afloat to walking on water.

Steve

I know how you feel, David. I have been fired many times. I always choose jobs that are fast paced like dishwashing or fast food. These are the only kind available to me. I have a high school diploma and two certificates of completions. I also have some college. I am always wondering what kind of jobs would be suitable for me. I always get written up for being too slow. I just want to do a good job at what ever I do. I was diagnosed last spring with ADHD. I got in trouble Last year with CPS. I lost custody of my kids because of ADHD. I am a single mom.

that sucks Amy! I know how tough jobs can be! I have been at about 10 different jobs since I flunked out of college(i did get an AA degree though, which is amazing)…I have the AD/LD temper problems and get pissed off pretty easily..this is NOT good when you work for someone else…SOLUTION!??! YES!! starting your own business! its VERY hard to do, but if you have interest in the business you are starting then it should make things a bit smoother… My interest are Sports and Music..I’m a Sports addict(football, baseball, Basketball) and also a Music junkie..I figure sports is not going to make me any money to support myself..so I have decided to do, what I did when I was young(DJ) and start my own Disc Jockey business…I just need to work at a job 6 months to a year so I can save money, to start and buy everything, etc……think about it! I would say that you should REALLY research(I’m not even thinking about starting the business till I do TONS of research, I plan on starting first of next year) before even thinking about seriously starting doing a home based business..lots of good books out there on the subject! :wink:

David, a very simalar thing happened to me. I had a great job that I loved. I was working as an Organizational Developer coaching physicians on communication issues. I had worked very hard to get this promotion. My boss did not like my clumbsiness, inability to read well, getting lost, bluntness, and most of all my insight into his psychopathic behavior. I am dyslexic and recently diognosed with ADD at 47 years old! According to an independent consultant that the company hired to evaluate me, my clients thought that I was very skilled and they all loved me.

My boss also fabricating stories about me. He told me that none of my clients wanted to work with me. I checked it out, much to his dismay and found out it was a total lie. But not before I went around asking my colleuges why they thought my clients didn’t want to work with me. So, he set me up to humiliate myself. He also always tried to make me cry so that he could offer me a “hug”. (sexual harrassement to boot)

It went on and on. He couldn’t fire me becasue I did a good job. He just wanted to torture me so that I would leave. I became extremely depressed and could not go to work any longer. I was out on a medical leave. While I was out, he continued to ruin my reputation. As a matter of fact, I had a reference company call to see what kind of reference he’d give me. He totally trashed me. That’s called retaliation in law talk. Very illegal.

This happened last year. I am still being paid my salary becasue I have placed a complaint with the EEOC which is still under investigation. I am on administrative leave. I have applied for a ton of jobs. Not even an interview.

The part that hurts so much is that none of my colleguges would stand up for me for fear of loosing thier jobs.

Now for the good news. I have decided to start my own bussiness. I will be consulting/coaching with adults who have ADD and LD. In order to market myself I will give talks to local groups about adults with ADD. How to recognize the symptoms and how to best work with them so the same thing that has happened to us does not continue to happen.

My goal is to use my stregnths, which are working with people, and soar with my enthusiam and determination to protect folks like us. I hope my story brings you some comfort and hope. I have sought out a coach for myself and he’s been quite helpful.

Please don’t hesitate to write if you think I can be of any help to you. Don’t give up.

Where is your business going to be located? good idea. I’m starting my own DJ business in 2005. I think for a lot of LD/ADD adults the corporate world is sometimes not the right fit. I know for me it isn’t..I hate all the rules, politics, laying off, bosses, etc.. that you encounter when you work for other people.

I will be working over the internet, on the phone and in my office in Oregon. So far, I have a few clients that I “see” over the phone. It works out well, because no one has to waste time in travel.

Good luck in your DJ bussiness, Cameron. I know that that people with LD are very determined. They have to be or they perish. The hard part for me is keeping focused.

I just joined and I think that starting your own business is a great idea. Just be sure you have an aid and a bookkeeper to keep on top of all that nasty paperwork.

Thanks for the advice. I am trying to find someone to help me out.
r

your stuck in neg thinkin when one door closes a better one can open dont give up you r a kind person obviously too kind that the principle has seen a weakness and like a bully takes u down for what reason probably to let a freind of theirs to have a job, next time dont tell them thinks they dont need to know. then u cant give them any thing to use against u us adhders are too honest, ask them to help if they are a good boss they will you have to find a boss that you get along with to betgin with just like any job you might go through many till theres a good fit . a lot of adhd people though work better when they are the boss or just between 2 people may b you could volunteer for a while with the new teacher to learn their ways and then go on somewhere else dont look at it as a personl attack then it will put the other at defencive side im not sure what im sayin here cause i dont work in the teaching feild. (good thing cause i have long sentences) i just know i had adhd for 37 years and im still coping and your doin g etter than me so we all got to stick together, us caring people c ause someone out there needs u too…..i just found this site so i have no profile yet

This is a reply to David’s letter. I have been where you are at several times and have survived. You can too. The first thing I would suggest is that you conact (if you are a member) your teacher organization such as NEA etc. Or an Attorney. They can help you a great deal because they deal with these things on a daily basis. As a member of our select group of ADD/ADHD and probably having some learning disabilities. You have certain rights which appear to have been violated. In addition all teacher’s have fundamental rights for employment. I have found that School Districts are notorious for violating teacher’s rights. I am no lawyer but I suggest you do contact one, I have also found that School districts have a tendancy to either back down or settle out of court on a number of employment issues that involve Disabilities. Good Luck. :idea:

[color=red][quote=”billyreaves”]This is a reply to David’s letter. I have been where you are at several times and have survived. You can too. The first thing I would suggest is that you conact (if you are a member) your teacher organization such as NEA etc. Or an Attorney. They can help you a great deal because they deal with these things on a daily basis. As a member of our select group of ADD/ADHD and probably having some learning disabilities. You have certain rights which appear to have been violated. In addition all teacher’s have fundamental rights for employment. I have found that School Districts are notorious for violating teacher’s rights. I am no lawyer but I suggest you do contact one, I have also found that School districts have a tendancy to either back down or settle out of court on a number of employment issues that involve Disabilities. Good Luck. :idea:[/quote][color=red][/color][/color]

That sounds like good advise. I wonder if I can get some help that way too I was caught up in a legal battle that took away an inheritance and left me responsible for bills and I am so in trouble. The judge held up probate for 7 years. He had a problem believing my brother was single. Get that for laughs! :lol: I also think the lawyers, judges legal people had an interest in the house and they figured I was too dumb to know how to fight. I am still fighting but now there is a loan shark, who put a loan on it and more legal tangles. I think I could use a legal helper. but no money to do that. I also have behind utilitiy bills and they wil be shutting me off but I keep trying to hold them off. it is scary. if I had a half a chance at keeping a good job I might not be in this. I keep thinking there is a good thing about it. good for eeryone. I miss my brohter so much. He died and my world fell apart. He would be so happy that I might get some help now. :cry: I am not sad. Just a little. I try so hard to be up and happy. but I just learned I was right. LD all the way. :idea: :wink:

i too have been fired from several jobs i too found out im adhd at 44 yrs old also have nerve damage to my brain 2nd grade reading math etc i got diploma from friends doing the work as cannot understand reading im now trying to get ssd for the 3 time no one wants to hire you with this my job history is bad is anyone here trying to get ssd for this id like to know how you got it

[quote=”lambchop”]i too have been fired from several jobs i too found out im adhd at 44 yrs old also have nerve damage to my brain 2nd grade reading math etc i got diploma from friends doing the work as cannot understand reading im now trying to get ssd for the 3 time no one wants to hire you with this my job history is bad is anyone here trying to get ssd for this id like to know how you got it also just found out i have fetal alchol syndrome i learned that adhd and ld is all part of this any one who has this please contact me