My learning disabilites make me depressed. I figured this out on Friday. On Friday, I had Spanish then I had to go take a math test. My ld is for math and I have another one called not otherwise specified (like I basically have total non verbal ld, 100% of the way). Anyway, I am bad for this math and it made me depressed in Spanish and in Math. The whole day, I was contemplating my fate in this world, basically. I started to cry while taking my math test because it was on something I prepared for very much but could not understand or write out in longhand at all. I take Spanish before Math and in Spanish I was all sad because I had to go after that and take a test on something I cannot write out or anything. I know that this sounds trivial, but this makes me very depressed. Like, in the fall, I will be taking this math class over unless my professor gets really drunk when he grades the finals or something, eh? And that is the last time I can take this class over, but I think if I practice I can figure out this one topic that is hard for me to write out and understand. But sometimes, you can study for many hours on end and just not be able to do much of anything academically speaking and that makes me very depressed. Sometimes it is hard for me to muster up the emotional fortitude I need to study math for a good three hours and then study Spanish. In the fall, it will be more hours of study, but I have a nice schedule worked out, so I will do it…it just makes me depressed to try sometimes. Like it saps the life’s blood out of me and just makes me contemplate my ultimate fate in this world. I find myself doing weird things like looking at lights, like the sun rising and I just blankly stare. I also find myself doing things like wanting to harm myself, which I have never been one for at all. Like I can not have done something terribly well and it makes me want to mar my wrist up or something. Does anyone else go through this when they are trying to get their schooling? Or like when they are trying to beat the odds with their schooling? I wonder of these things because I haven’t a really steady line of work and I have banked on getting my schooling quite a bit for I feel my calling is in what I am studying at University.
Re: Does your LD ever make you depressed
Yeah, it can be depression as all get out.
I really think it gets easy as you go along.
School was not a fun time but the higher I got, the better it was because I could pick more of the classes which interested me and I was good at.
Work takes a while but as you develope coping skills it gets easier too.
Please don’t take it out on yourself. As Sue said, one step at a time.
Barb
ld and school
I went thru the same experience as you. I had to pass math and reading skills for mu CBEST test in Calif to become credentialed. I took a class in math that I did not need just to the knowledge and practice. I studied the book for the test. My math did increase but my reading was awful. I was an emotional wreck in school and that made me shut down which affected my disability. I went and took a remedial reading class just before the test day. I had a nice teacher and I told him I had a BA degree but my reading comprehension was poor. I testedd at about 7th reade level in reading when he tested me. I was supreised my score was that high. At the end of the semester my reading comprehension in creased to college level. So I got to see the results happen before my eyes. I scored high on the math portion of the test and passed the reading by one point. Good enough for me.
School was always dificult for me. I got my BA degree and then years lateer I decided I wanted to become a therapist. I had all kinds of problems in graduate school. If it wasnt for the Learning Disabilities centers at the colleges I attended I would not have made it. I had teachers who did not want to accomodate me on tests for extra time or give me a private place to take my tests. I needed a note taker and also needed a tape recorder for class. My LD counselors advocated for me. Today I have a private practice as a psychotherapist and am happy.
Take it one day at a time, one course at a time if you have to. If you catastrophise about the future you will become so overwhelmed that you will quit. Stay in the present.
JH
Quick message ;-)
What are you taking math for? You must have a goal, right? Always remember why you are working so hard to “get it”.
I understand
I too feel this type of over welming feeling when I am faced with challenges that challenge my disability. It is not fair for us but it is the cards we were delt. We have to just give our burdens to God and always ask for help from your instructours. They are usally understandable. If you would like to talk more about this feel free to e-mail me. I just had to write because I know how you are felling but I cant write much more like I wish I could because I have to go pick up my kids. If I dont here from you good luck and dont give up.
[email protected]
I can relate a little
I may not beable to relate in everything you said but the part where you said you do weird things, I know what you mean. I dont know if this will make you feel any better but sometimes, when im hanging out with my friends, I do the exact opposite of what everyone else does. I do get surprised at things pretty easily when its not a big deal to my friends. Sometimes, I stare at ppl for no reason or just that they’re there or if they say something I can relate to, I just stare at them. I dont know what my friends or other ppl around me think about that, but im gonna try and not care about it. I know how you feel.
Even without major LDs I had a class that depressed me. It really annoyed my VUlcan side — usually emotions just don’t faze me at all, so I *HATED* that the one class was infecting other things. I had some success getting busy with other things or finding the right music to drive the demons out… usually. (Stan Rogers’ song about Raising the Blue Dolphin was angry enough to help.)
When things suck is also just not the time to seriously consider one’s fate — it’s like going swimming right after four elephants have been bathing in that pond… it’s just not going to be a pleasant experience. There are better times and places to think about the big stuff than when you’re in the middle of a muck pit. THen it’s time to keep on moving, even when you cannot feel the beat. Find a steady rhythm & routine and sing louder than the demons… then at the end of the semester, *after* a break and doing something positive, you can reassess. And… it’s good to have honest friends (who at least will believe you when you say things like “I can’t do that” — not say “well, you’ll do it if you HAVE to” … because gosh, most people that’s true for…)
And… if your math isn’t that good, is there a chance you don’t really know how well you’re doing? (I know, it’s a long shot…)
It is too bad most of these courses don’t transfer or I’d say GET OUT HERE and I’ll find a way to teach ya :)
…and — do budget the ol’ time. The ol’ diminishing returns thing… if studying for five more hours in Math is probably a lost cause, then dump it for the Spanish. And of course try &think outside the box — if you could get the teacher to give you extra time in the Math and take the final a few days later, maybe you could just deal w/ the Spanish, or vice versa…