frutrated and burned out mom

My first suggestion is to take her in for a developmental vision evaluation, if you haven’t already done so. Many dyslexics have undiagnosed visual processing problems.

Another option, especially if vision problems are ruled out (or corrected via vision therapy), is cognitive skills training. Most dyslexics have poor sequencing skills and lag in other areas of cognitive skills acquisition. A cognitive skills training program can usually make academics much easier for these children. The easiest program to do is PACE (http://www.processingskills.com ) because it is provider-based. It is quite expensive, but having a provider takes a lot of the responsibility off of you. If money is a problem, there are very good home programs (see http://www.audiblox2000.com and http://www.brainskills.com ) that don’t cost much, but which do require consistent daily parental involvement in the one-on-one training.

Diagnosing underlying conditions contributing to the dyslexia, and providing appropriate therapies to reduce the underlying deficits, is probably *the* key to making academic learning easier for dyslexics. Most dyslexics have either undiagnosed vision problems or undiagnosed auditory processing problems (or both). Remediating these underlying deficits is much more rewarding than trying always to work around them.

You might want to join the dyslexiasupport2 group at http://groups.yahoo.com . This is a support group of parents who share information and experiences with different therapies. Children need the support of their parents, but parents can benefit from the support of other parents.

Nancy

I hear you ! My son’s school career has been one of the most frustrating roads in my life. :? Between the schools and teachers being unsympathetic, and friends and family telling me I had to push harder, to having to work full time, it is overwhelming and yes, unless a parent has been there done that, we feel that we are alone.
My husband has reading and writing dificulties and my sister has been diagnosed with LDs, do you realize what a wonderful resource family and friends dealing with this themselves are ? They are the ones that have learned to cope ( LDs cannot be cured, these children must learn to cope,and decipher in different ways than the rest of us do ), my husband found his passion in automotive repair, and working with his hands, my sister is in the military.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, step back a bit, let your husband help your children, and teach them coping skills, if like many fathers he works full time, and would like more time with his children ( men would rarely express this themselves ), he might just jump at the chance. Try to find others among family and friends that can take the pressure off. I don’t know if you yourself has an LD, I know I do not myself, so we really, no matter how hard we try, really understand what they’re feeling. :( But you HAVE to look after yourself if you hope to help your children.
I’m with you on this one. Good Luck

I know this is going to go contrary to every natural impulse you’ll ever have and probably against what a lot of people here will say, but try not to worry too much. We get so caught up in wanting our kids to be the best they can be and trying to help them succeed in school that we end up beating up ourselves and our kids (figuratively, not literally) and all it does is make more stress for everyone, which just makes the problems worse. So what if they make a C? Or even a D? It won’t be the end of the world and it won’t ruin their chances for college (this is something teachers and guidance counsellors won’t tell you). Even a student who just barely squeaks through HS in the lowest percentile can get into college now if they really want to. Trust me, there are ways and it isn’t too hard either.

So the bottom line is yes! Encourage your kids to do the best they can (and keep coming here for good ideas and advice), but don’t sweat it too much. Life’s too short and your kids are only children for a short time. Try to spend as much of that time enjoying them as possible.

Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. :)

I had to chime in to say — you are RIGHT ON! Some kids are very perfectionistic and will work willingly for hours — mine wouldn’t. We took a look at our extended family — on both sides, and on both sides of each of our families, there existed bad spellers who often struggled to learn to read — but a strong family thread of verbal skills, creative skills, and people skills, plus many visual-spatial types. The one who suffered most was the ONLY one who went the ‘school prescribed SPED’ path — and even he found success through literacy tutoring and adult education, then returned to college as a mature student and did very well…

My son is motivated to get C’s — C’s are COOL ENOUGH in our house, and although D is ‘in the danger zone’, we sometimes accept those as ‘the best we can get at this point’. This takes the pressure off, and my son is actually a better student when he knows he only has to get a C.

Is it possible to modify the homework requirements to make your life a bit easier? Then, spend the ‘extra time’ on doing things that your daughter IS good at, or reading aloud to her if she enjoys that — my son and I often reward a tough homework session with some ‘snuggle up and read’, and this has really helped his skills, I believe. I’d rather shorten up the homework (may have to get help from teacher on deciding how to do this) and do something that gives you both pleasure — ‘Huh?’ is right, they grow up so fast — and life is TOO short!

Best wishes to you and your kids — remember, ‘school problems’ often end when school does — it is not a sentence for ‘life problems’!

Hang in there. As a parent of a child with disabilities, I have found that giving him permission to take a break is sometimes the best solution. If there is a large amount of homework on a night, I will set a certain amount for him to complete then he can take a break. For example, when he completes one row of math problems he can then watch cartoons for fifteen minutes. Then he has to come back to the table and complete the next row. Sometimes this occurs during commercial break of his favorite show. It takes the pressure off of him and he is able to concentrate for a short better than working for an hour on the same page of problems.

I am sorry your feeling as you do and I am glad to find someone who feels as I do! My daughter, 14 has many LD’s (newly diagnosed) and I’m willing to bet her father suffers from the same LD’s. I deal with her all day as we homeschool and then he comes home at night and my troubles are doubled! It is a rewlief to finally know why they both act as they do, but then again it really hasn’t changed our tense family life. I have never in my life felt so darn incompatent. I am exhausted from the hours I am putting into researching her LD’s, learning new parenting and teaching styles, and dealing with my own feelings. You are not alone and it is a comfort to know that I am not alone either.

[quote:1c785bf802=”Huh?”]I know this is going to go contrary to every natural impulse you’ll ever have and probably against what a lot of people here will say, but try not to worry too much. We get so caught up in wanting our kids to be the best they can be and trying to help them succeed in school that we end up beating up ourselves and our kids (figuratively, not literally) and all it does is make more stress for everyone, which just makes the problems worse. So what if they make a C? Or even a D? It won’t be the end of the world and it won’t ruin their chances for college (this is something teachers and guidance counsellors won’t tell you). Even a student who just barely squeaks through HS in the lowest percentile can get into college now if they really want to. Trust me, there are ways and it isn’t too hard either.

So the bottom line is yes! Encourage your kids to do the best they can (and keep coming here for good ideas and advice), but don’t sweat it too much. Life’s too short and your kids are only children for a short time. Try to spend as much of that time enjoying them as possible.

Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. :)[/quote]

Amen!

It has been said its not how many times you get knocked down but how many times you get back up. I don’t know of that takes into account getting kicked in the head on the way down though.

Sometimes we have to punt.

You’ll have to forgive me, I’m not well versed in sports analogies. I don’t know what punting refers to! (I know it has to do with football.)

As a warning, let me share my experience as a former child (heh!) with a LD. I was told by both teachers and my parents that if I just worked harder I could do so much better. And see, last week’s A in math is proof! (One of the hallmarks of lds is inconsistant performance.) The nightly struggles to do homework, and the mounting feeling of inadequacy pretty much ruined my relationship with my parents. That’s it. The rest of my time with them in this world is colored by that nasty, bitter experience.

jmf, could you please describe your expectations for your daughter? Are they realistic? C’s are supposed to be “average”. Considering circumstances I think sometimes a C is good enough.

No matter what I as a parent do to help my child in school, whether she is sucessful in her academic career is in her own hands. That’s where it belongs. This whole process is taking place in Her head, afterall.

-In my opinion- I think one of our most important jobs as parents is to support our kids emotionally. If my daughter is doing poorly in school she already knows it. And it makes her sad. I try to present solutions, help her find her own solutions. And when it’s obvious that this is all getting her down, I pour on the affection and reminders that I love her regardless of her grades.

Regarding college. Please be open to the idea of “letting” your child not go to college. The student has to genuinely buy into the process, since it is so challenging. Once again, my parents expectations clashed with my abilities, and when I dropped out of college with depression and exhaustion, it was a big blow to them. I was relieved beyond words.

I don’t mean to suggest you shouldn’t have standards and enforce them. Just not at the price of your relationship with your kids.

D’oh! [Slaps forehead]

The origional post was September 27. :LOL

[quote:74b7b1e4e5=”Huh?”]I know this is going to go contrary to every natural impulse you’ll ever have and probably against what a lot of people here will say, but try not to worry too much. We get so caught up in wanting our kids to be the best they can be and trying to help them succeed in school that we end up beating up ourselves and our kids (figuratively, not literally) and all it does is make more stress for everyone, which just makes the problems worse. So what if they make a C? Or even a D? It won’t be the end of the world and it won’t ruin their chances for college (this is something teachers and guidance counsellors won’t tell you). Even a student who just barely squeaks through HS in the lowest percentile can get into college now if they really want to. Trust me, there are ways and it isn’t too hard either.

So the bottom line is yes! Encourage your kids to do the best they can (and keep coming here for good ideas and advice), but don’t sweat it too much. Life’s too short and your kids are only children for a short time. Try to spend as much of that time enjoying them as possible.

Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. :)[/quote]

This is great advise but I know I am going to have a hard time following it. Sometimes I feel consumed by trying to find all the answers and fixing it. I know I can not fix it but I am a worrier. It is my goal for the next school year. Try to give him more independence at school. I know I am there too much. He, well We, had a very rough 2.5 years.

I think I am going to copy this message and post it so I can read it over and over again. I wont drop out of sight but I know he needs more space and the resource room is going great.

I know exactly how you feel! Poor thing with 2 LD kids! My dd is 15 and we have really struggled mostly because we have tried to find help of all kinds and nothing has helped. We are in a war zone constantly and are ALL burned out, depressed, sad, negative, etc. I also feel like I’m the only one in the world who has to go thru this. Now I see I’m not. FINALLY we are going to take her to a neuropsychologist for testing. And I know this sounds weird, but after ALL the doctors we went to, NONE of them suggested this! We didn’t know about this type of doctor! I am going to have faith that this will work. BUT in the meantime I have been so exasperated and cry a lot of the time. My dd does to. So we know how you feel and what you have to go thru!!