To hold back a grade or not?

If he is gifted but not showing it, a year of being bored is not likely to make him change. There are times when repetition may be useful, as when reading skills are being taught — is this K teaching reading, or just a little memorization? That makes a big difference in whether he would be terribly behind next year.

I would suggest getting him some effective one-to-one reading tutoring from a person who knows research-based methodology in reading. One-to-one would be the best way to reach his giftedness. Once he has the basic skills, then school will be less of a problem to him.

I’m not sure what they are teaching. They have taught some on phonics, have sent readers home, and they do a weekly spelling test. The Sylvan test showed that he had skill gaps, however they did not feel he should be held back. Evan does not do well at all in a group setting. He needs one on one attention. So who do I believe, his teacher or Sylvan? I don’t think Evan’s problem is maturity, I think it is that he missed the beginning skills for whatever the reason. I think his teacher gave up on him a long time ago. Has ayone held their child back and then seen dramatic improvement?

Personally, I think it is ridiculous for a 5yo to have a weekly spelling test!!!

The only reason I can think of to hold a kindergartner back from first grade is lack of maturity. It’s not clear from your post what the teacher’s exact reasons are for wanting to hold him back.

Is there any chance of homeschooling? Children such as you describe tend to much better one-on-one. Homeschooling also provides ways to nurture self-esteem (which, if you are “different” in elementary school, tends to get shredded — especially in the early elementary grades). Once you are sure he could excell in a classroom environment, you could send him back to school.

I would start by finding out the *exact* reasons why the teacher thinks he should be held back. It may be his behavior in the classroom setting.

Nancy

I met with the principal and his teacher this morning and they both feel since he is about 9 months younger than the other kids in his class and the fact that he has not mastered what the other kids have, that he should repeat. We just started the Adderall and I am beginning to see a difference. His teacher thinks that because he has not been able to concentrate he has not retained what he should have. She feels that if we do it over with him on the meds that he will have a good chance of learning and retaining what he should. My next question is should I change his school? If I move him the other kids won’t know he failed. I don’t know if this is a good idea or not? Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Shawna,

First of all, let me tell you that I am a special ed. teacher and I had my own child stay a second year in first grade, because she was the youngest in the class and her reading skills were not where I wanted them to be. It has been a 100% positive experience. She fits better in every respect in the new class.

That said, your attitude is what will help or hurt your childs self esteem. I have never uttered the words that my child “failed” anything. She certainly didn’t and your son is not “failing” either. Kindergarteners do not have the concept that repeating is something negative unless a parent has told them this. It appears that because of untreated ADHD and immaturity, he was not able to master the kindergarten curriculum. If you feel that this school does not handle ADHD kids well, then you could start him over at another school and let them pre-test him and see in what grade he is best prepared to succeed. I do think boys often gain by being one of the older ones in class rather than younger. But he will not get one-on-one attention in any school. Homeschool, as Nancy mentioned, is the only way to get that.

Kids with untreated ADHD do have problems retaining what they are being taught, though. So I can understand the recommendation of the teacher and principal.

I will also tell you that Sylvan does not do in depth testing that would identify a learning disability. So you would need to closely monitor his progress next year even if he does repeat and take him for a more comprehensive evaluation should he still have trouble reading.

Janis

If he’s 9 months younger than the other children in his class, then I would definitely have him repeat. As long as you talk to him so that he understands his age is a major issue, there should be no reason for him to experience it as failure.

Nancy

Thank you all so much for all of the input. Since Evan is in a private school it is a little different. I just wonder if he would do better in a school that had different programs to help him when he struggles. I don’t think he would need special ed but I do think he would benefit from programs that the public school where I live offers. What is yall’s take on that? Would other kids make fun of him? They have Rosetta stone and I think two other computer based learning programs. I know I can help him through the disappointment of not going on especially If I present it as an age thing. The teacher said we could make him the helper too. I just worry about his self esteem, It is bad enough already. Because of my divorce situation I have to drive them one hour just to get to this private school. I am thinking it would do them so much good not to have to travel over two hours a day. Also, the public school has those programs.

Well, why did you decide to send him to the private school in the first place? What are the advantages of the private school? If you list the advantages and disadvantages of both, it can help you see the decision more clearly.

I never chose to have them in a private school in the first place. I was in a abusive realtionship for 7 years and He drug the divorce out for 7 months suing me for the children and so on. I was desperate for a divorce so i agreed to let them go to this private school. At the time I was living 20 minutes from the school. Now I am remarried and we live over an hour away. If I want to change it I will have to go back to court. See my x-husb. went to a private school and so he is against public education. I love my children dearly and I only want what is best for them. Unlike my x who would prefer to be controlling and not put the kids first. As it is now my kids don’t have any friends because we live so far away. The public school were I live is in a small rural town and it is widely known that it is a good school. My x won’t go for it because it would be my idea and he is against anything I want to do.

Shawna wrote: I just worry about his (Evan’s) self esteem.

I faced the retention issue on a few occasions as a special education teacher. Parents sometimes found it painful to make the decision. I offered to help. I counseled parents to help their child regard retention as an opportunity rather than as a penalty.

I would sit down with a child and list the benefits of getting: a fresh start the following year. The child would be reviewing at the beginning of the next year. The child would be familiar with his textbooks. Mother, father, and teachers would be proud of her or him for not giving up—for continuing to try. The child would not have to face failure daily by going forward unprepared.

Then I would explain the disadvantages. The child might find it boring to be taught familiar material. The child might think of herself or himself as having failed. The child might miss friends.

Then I would tell the child that I was not going to force her or him to make the decision—adults would do that. However, if the child told me that she or he would feel terrible about retention, and really wanted to go forward, I would tell that to everyone at our meeting.

Many times a child did not want to make the choice, and would ask me what I thought. Most children seemed relieved just to be involved in some way with a personal life decision. I would give my opinion. If you were my child…

This procedure seemed to take some of the stigma out of a difficult situation.

I held my son back in fourth grade and it was the best decision we ever made. He is now in fifth grade. He did switch schools—to the parochial school his siblings were attending. It is more demanding, which was face saving for him. He was behind academically but the biggest gain has been socially. He has lots of friends now while he really was on the fringes before. We saw when we put him in a cub scout troop with younger boys (because we liked the leader) that he did much better socially.

ADHD kids tend to be immature socially and if he is younger too then there may be a logic to this. I know my youngest son’s K teacher told me that all the kids with late birthdays were having trouble in class. I wish we had held my son back earlier in K or first grade but noone suggested it, and when I did, I was told no.

Beth

In your shoes, I would go back to court and see if I could switch him to public school. The two hours per day of driving are a waste of time for him, and the lack of friends isn’t good either. Since the best thing to do is retain him anyway, I would have him start over in a fresh school. Private schools aren’t always better than public schools. Also, an otherwise very wonderful school, private or public, can be a poor fit for a particular student.

My bet is the court would agree that a 5yo is better off attending a local school than spending two hours every day in a car being driven back and forth. I’d go for it!

Nancy

Hi, All! I’m new around here. ~~ I’m having an issue with my 1st grade daughter regarding her reading level and possibile retention. She is younger one is the class with a summer birthday. She did really well at the beginning of the year, with As & Bs in all subjects, but ever since the Christmas break we have noticed her reading level not progressing and her spelling and lanuage grades dropping. The school has already done dyslexia testing with result proving boarderline dyslexia. I took her to a Psychiatrist and she said that she did have “soft Symptoms” of ADHD and learning disability. But the Dr. also said that my child was a emotionally healthy little girl. At first the Teacher was going to push her on to 2nd grade with us all knowing that Sally would struggle because she didn’t think that holding her back would really help her. But now everything is up in the air. I struggled with a LD in which went undiagnosed until High School. Her father has ADD or ADHD. Right now the Principal is upset with the teacher because the reading level which was 12 and is now 10, does not reflect her reading grade which is an 80. I already asked my daughter how she would feel about doing 1st grade again and she said she would be sad, which breaks my heart. I have thought about a summer program and putting her on medication to help her to focus and lots of support along the way. ~ I just don’t know wht to do and I need some advice, please.

Summer tutoring from someone who really knows research-based reading methods (*not* more-of-the-same memorization) is probably the best thing you can do for her.

I prefer to avoid medications as much as possible and certainly being a little behind in reading is no reason to use them. Save this option for when everything else has failed.

Repeating or not is a difficult question. The problem is that if she is ever going to repeat, Grade 1 is the time to do it; repeating later grades does little good because the foundation skills don’t get re-taught.

In an ideal situation you could get her tutored over the summer and re-evaluated in the fall to decide whether she is ready for Grade 2 or not. Is there any way you coud get your school system to be flexible, to give her a provisional pass depending on summer work? This kind of thing is often done in higher grades.

Thank you, Victoria, for your quick response. I really do appreciate your input. :D

In making the decision, I would look at the whole child. How big is she for her age? You say your child is young. How does she do in social interactions? Does she have lots of friends? My older child is young for her grade (moved to state with different deadline when she was nine) and I don’t think it is an advantage, especially as they get older. Middle school was where I really saw the difference. She is a top performer grade wise but honestly I would do anything to have given her that extra year. I notice that she is a leader with kids her chronological age but not with her school grade.

I know I had an evaluator tell me regarding my LD son that it doesn’t take that much to be average in first grade and you really want to be concerned if they aren’t. My son was not average and we ended up (successfully) having him repeat fourth grade several years later. On the other hand, as Victoria says, you have the time between first and second grade and with a good tutor you may be able to get her caught up, especially if her problems are mild. On the other hand, LD and ADD kids tend to be less mature for their chronological age so an extra year may due her wonders.

No simple answers.

Your daughter may be sad but most kids adjust quickly at her age. My son ended up being mad at us for half the year but it still was the best decision we ever made. He has closed some gaps but probably most importantly he has tons of friends, while before he was really on the social fringe.

Beth

Nine months is a large amount of information to make up. If you send him on to first grade he will always feel behind and his confidence will suffer greatly. Add that to the fact that it is a little more difficult for him to concentrate and that is a double whammy.

Try kindergarten again. If you want, try another teacher so he will feel like he is going somwhere new and another teacher may have a different teaching style that may be a better approach for him. If you have the same teacher, then she will know right where he is at and the areas she needs to focus on. A win-win either way.

Don’t worry about what the other kids say. Kids are resilient. They take things in stride. Don’t make it a negative thing - but a positve adventure. Think of all the fun he gets to have. He will also probably still get to see his friends at recess that he made in kindergarten and he will have that many MORE friends when he gets to first grade. Classes will get shuffled up and mixed together before 1st grade. The only thing I would say is to ask the teacher to perhaps be a little more sensitive to his feeling about it in class at the end of this year. Sometimes the K teachers make a BIG deal about going to 1st. Maybe if there is going to be a graduation day you could take him on a special outing that day.

Just some thoughts. But, I have been a first grade teacher for 13 years.

My two cents.

If I had it to do over again, I would retain my now 4th grader
when she was in kindergarten. We have struggled, and are still struggling
to catch up, and it is no fun for anyone. It would be SO much harder
to retain her now, even though she really needs to be.
It is a tough decision I know, but if I knew then what I know now, I
would have had my child repeat K.
Just my personal experience.
Stephanie

We met with the teacher recently and she said that he is still behind. She said he might could catch up over the summer but it would be hard. All of a sudden they have come up with a program where Evan could go for 30 minutes a day for pre teaching. However, it costs $200 per month for the program. They say he won’t be able to do 1st grade without it. It really makes me wonder if they just want the money. Since it is a private school they are about 1 year ahead of some of the public schools. Evan scored very high on his intelligence test but it is the ADD he has trouble with. We did decide to do the Adderall and it has completely turned him around. His schoolwork is great now, however he is still behind the others because of his lack of concentration during the first of the year. I am thinking that if I put him in public school at the 1st grade level that he will probably do ok. I’m thinking that would be a better choice to try than retaining him in K. He is very sensitive and I think it would hurt his self esteem. At the public school they have classes they can go to if they start struggling in a subject. What do you guys think?

Not that this will affect your son or your decision whether or not retention is for you, I find it a little ironic that it seems for everyone here it was the schools suggestion to hold your children back a year. It is the opposite for my son. He is in second grade and has been consistantly behind since primary. His birthday is Aug 27, the cut off here is sept 30. Part of my argument to the school other than ADHD and NVLD he was three weeks early, if he had been a week or two late he would have missed the cut off date. It was me who suggested retention, the teachers said they hadn’t considered that. Funny Huh! My question to them is since he is already behind will he keep being passed on and get further behind as there becomes more emphasis on reading and writing. Luckily I was finally promised an IEP. This way he will continue with his class. It is probably to have him continue on to grade three because if he is held back he may end up in a combined p-1-2 class with his younger brother in primary. His brother so far doesn’t seem to have any learning issues, he learns quite easily. My oldest is also the second biggest in his grade even though he is the youngest.
I think that if maturity is a big issue then retention might be a good idea especially if your son gets along better with younger kids. Your son has a late birthday like my son so I understand this. No matter what happens know that you have your childs best interest at heart. Either way I suspect if you think anything like me, no matter what happens you will probably wonder if the other option would have been better.
Good luck Tammie

I retaind my son a summer boy in first grade even though he was diagnosed with Dyslexia. The school said that it would be best. He would feel like a leader and the maturity would inprove his learning. Not the case, He is finishing his second year and is at mid first grade level. He has only gotten this far because he now attends the resource class.

I am glad we did this because I do think it is best he is older and hopefully can deal with his disablities and frustration better but he was teased by the kids that move up.

If it is just for learning be careful, it may not make a differents without additional help.

I can not say repeating first grade improved his learning at all. I think for his high school year it would be best he was not the youngest.

Hope this helps

Parents, please do not count on the school to remediate a reading disorder. It is fine to give the child an extra year during which time you can seek private tutoring or training or guidance to do the remediation yourself. Contact your state International Dyslexia Association for a list of qualified tutors. Repeating a grade without intensive reading therapy will solve nothing.

Janis