how to respond to kids who say "I'm stupid"

I sometimes have given frequent *little* pep talks to students re: that they learn differently. It might even help to know that they aren’t alone in this. However, there are kids who do use their ld as an excuse to not work. So at some pt. you do have to just tell them that life isn’t fair and to get to work.

—des

I like “No you’re not. Let’s move on.” myself.

I’m Scottish-Canadian and we are known for being extremely direct — and you can trust us with your lives because we say what we mean.

Some of these kids have heard all the stuff about famous dyslexics until they are heartily sick of it; they have heard all the pep talks and are sick of them too.

Let’s face it, they are normal human beings and normal junior high kids, and who among us doesn’t take an excuse and run with it, especially when they are given the option and even sometimes encouraged?

Every person I have read about who has had success with turning failing students around has known where to draw the line.

I was just reminded of Helen Keller by another correspondent today — Miss Sullivan did *not* accept that her student was incapable, she took the tough teacher approach of insisting on appropriate behaviour and ceasing to reward negative actions, and lo and behold she started to get results where the approach of total acceptance and candy rewards had failed.

[quote:bc8640a352=”victoria”]I like “No you’re not. Let’s move on.” myself.

I’m Scottish-Canadian and we are known for being extremely direct — and you can trust us with your lives because we say what we mean.

Some of these kids have heard all the stuff about famous dyslexics until they are heartily sick of it; they have heard all the pep talks and are sick of them too.

Let’s face it, they are normal human beings and normal junior high kids, and who among us doesn’t take an excuse and run with it, especially when they are given the option and even sometimes encouraged?

Every person I have read about who has had success with turning failing students around has known where to draw the line.

I was just reminded of Helen Keller by another correspondent today — Miss Sullivan did *not* accept that her student was incapable, she took the tough teacher approach of insisting on appropriate behaviour and ceasing to reward negative actions, and lo and behold she started to get results where the approach of total acceptance and candy rewards had failed.[/quote]

If it were only that simple. It is not. Repeated failure on the part of the students along with put downs create a nearly intractable sense, and often accurate sense of inevitable failure. Saying no you’re not is not going to help much. Kids who are struggling need a sober evaluation of their situation so they can evalutate for themselves just how steep the mountian is they are being asked to climb.

They need to know that they have their work cut out for them and the relative difficulty of the tasks at hand so when they do make some strides they will have some confidence and won’t continually approach the situation with feelings of doom, failure, and terror. They need to know that they can achieve but it will be more difficult for them. The also should be taugh that reading is not a competitive sport and even if they are only able to make tiny steps they should be encouraged by that instead of being told it is not enough. Over all teachers need to have a basic understanding of how difficult a struggle it is for these kids and with that in mind should try to make the instruction as pleasant and rewarding as possible.

Jerry, it looks like you are relatively new to the group. Victoria is a respected teacher and very successful with her students. I wouldn’t dismiss the fortright approach that she uses, even though to you it might be simplistic.

I have a similar experience (though not as much experience as Victoria).
I think any good teacher will divide the task up sufficiently— and early reading is pretty divided up so that the student does experience success.

I do some pep talks and actually do teach the student that s/he does need to learn differently, but in the end the student has to work. If the student balks at working, you have to keep them going. Sometimes keeping them working is just a matter of prodding. Excusing them or letting them set the agenda, in the end is just more destruction and helps fulfill their own low opinions of themselves and their experiences. I have had students with years of inappropriate “remediation”, I do acknowledge that that would not teach them to read but beyond that, you just have to push them on.

—des

I think that there needs to a balance between encouragement and “harsh reality”. There are no doubt times that kids use their disabilities as an excuse and other times they just want reassurance. Let me give an example of each with my own LD son.

He has a cousin, who is five, that has Down’s Syndrome. We have at times discussed the difference between being LD and being retarded, which I think is every LD kid’s fear. I think it is appropriate to explain what LD is and how it makes it tougher for kids but that in the end, but that they are not stupid. When being stupid becomes the mantra, however, I think it is time for tough love, just like other kids.

My son is in fifth grade in a parochial school where they are required to take an hour of spanish a week in elementary school. Last year (his first year there) the regular teacher had surgery and the replacement didn’t require anything. He got A’s for showing up and keeping his mouth shut. This year more has been expected.

He was flunking spanish at the end of the first marking period. He had not turned in his homework and had the audacity to tell his spanish teacher he was too busy playing basketball! (he had made school’s JV basketball team).

He told me that he has enough trouble with English, how is he going to learn spanish. In other words, with his LD, how can we expect more. However, I knew that 1/3 of grade was class work, 1/3 was homework, and only 1/3 was tests. Basically, a lot was putting one foot in front of the other and doing what you needed to do, which he wasn’t doing.

They didn’t receive a report card until second marking period because the class only meets once a week. I told my son that he had to bring his grade up to a C in the next 10 weeks or he was going to spanish camp this summer instead of boy scout camp. He was not impressed but faced with real life, he got with the program. He got a C. I don’t expect, given his disabilities he will ever do better or do I really care. In the scheme of things, learning a second language is not that important for him. But he does need to know how to do what you need to do, even if you don’t like it or are not good at it.

Some things in life are tough. If you are LD, they are tougher. But if you don’t want to be beat, you have to be tougher.

I have friends with gifted kids. Some of these kids do not know how to do something that is hard for them. They are so used to things being easy, that they give up when they have to struggle at all. My son is used to having to work hard. He’ll do OK in life.

Beth

I generally use Victoria’s approach — “I see lots of evidence to the contrary — and let’s do something about it” — but I have come to recognize that even positive experiences (that I would hyave thought would reverse the tide) don’t undo the genuine failure experiences of the past. I’ve learned to include a lot of “direct instruction” in seeing hte connection between effort and accomplishment, and providing irrefutable evidence of genuine progress. And… I try not to just tell ‘em they’re wrong, even about being stupid. If they really believe it, then they assume that I’m just another Nice Teacher Who Doesn’t Really Understand. But it depends on the student; every once in a while

For students who wallow in “I am stupid” ville, I try to keep the work objective and short… basically applying what I learned teaching swimming. It’s worth taking the first sesssions building the idea that you are not going to ask them to do something they can’t do — the trick is to find things they *can* do that are not pointless busy work but there’s an awful lot of basic knowledge out there that students don’t know. Having a quiz on what we celebrate on the Fourth of July on the second day of class gets ‘em in the habit of that weekly quiz, gets a quiz passed, and gets them thinking that the fourth of July isn’t “oh, we celebrate freedom, you know, the end to slavery.”

(It took becoming a decent cyclist after 40 years of being “last one picked” and being a professional “good sport” and hearing myself say — and believe— the same kinds of thigns… “they were going slower today…” “…they’re not tired…” only because it started sounding just like “that teacher is just easy,” “nobody else studied” did the light bulb go on…)

Another option is to use some of Mel Levine’s work with the student. He’s very big on demystifying the learning style differences and has written two books for students - one for elementary, early middle school, the other for middle/high school age. These are geared for the student to help them understand how they learn.
Check out his website - www.allkindsofminds.org