Can our children really succeed in the public schools??

I am the mother of a 12 year old 6th grade girl diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome only 1 year ago. She failed through school up until 5th grade, where I finally was able to get the school to help her and obtain a proper diagnosis (but not without a fight).

I’ve learned a tremendous amount of what my child is entitled to by law, and have gotten compensatory services (Linda-Mood Bell V & V, private speech/language, OT, private social skills training). Now, the storm is over, my daughter is mainstreamed in the public middle school, and I am trying to work [i]with[/i] the school (as well as with my daughter) to help my daughter grow. Trouble is: I’ve got a language/social studies teacher who is constantly telling me that my daughter is the reason for where she’s at. She says she quits before trying. She tells me that my daughter will look at her paper and say “I can’t do this, I need help.” She says she will not help my daughter unless she can attempt her assignment (she wants to see something written down) and she wants my daughter to formulate a specific question about what she is writing (although my daughter’s language delays prevent her from formulating these “specific” questions independently). This teacher is becoming more and more frustrated as my daughter is withdrawing and “not making attempts.” She feels as though my daughter is being willfully defiant, and I can see she’s losing interest in helping her.

Frankly, I [i]understand[/i] why my daughter quits before trying (although I don’t condone it). The school is desperately trying to fit her into [b]”its” [/b]mold, a mold she realistically WON’T ever fit into. The teacher doesn’t seem to understand how my daughter’s deficits affect her language, processing, reasoning, pragmatic thinking, etc.

I’m so frustrated! Yes, there are laws out there protecting LD kids…yes, we can advocate for them and get greatly written IEP’s….but the fact of the matter is: The school system is not set up to allow the teachers flexibility in teaching to our children at their level! As well, when the student doesn’t make the expected gains from the teachers attempts, they tend to give up and cast blame (on parents, students). Don’t you all feel as though you are going up against a tidal wave that is beyond the power of school staff, even at district level???

What hope is there for our kids?? This is so discouraging!! From the comments the teacher gives to me…she feels as though my daughter’s behaviors are a learned response from home! I say they are a learned response from years of failure with the curriculum that’s been pushed on her. I’m beginning to wonder if my daughter should be forced to be in a social studies class when she comprehends at a 4th grade level….I’d rather have her learn to write a decent essay, outline important information, get some real typing skills…things that she will really need in order to succeed in this world.

Any comments? What have you found discouraging, and what have you done about it? What do you find encouraging???

I live in California…does anyone know of any good schools (middle/high school) who can truly help someone like my daughter in the Orange County area?

Thanks for listening,

Kathy