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NCLB-- the basketball version

Submitted by an LD OnLine user on

I saw this posted elsewhere, and thoguht it pretty true.

No Child Left Behind: The Basketball Version

1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all must win the
championship.If a team does not win the championship, they will be on
probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held
accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same basketball skills at the
same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for
interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic
abilities or disabilities.
ALL KIDS WILL PLAY BASKETBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without
instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their
instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in
basketball, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents don’t like
basketball.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in
4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected
to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same
minimal goals.

If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

Submitted by AnneV on Thu, 04/28/2005 - 2:05 PM

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I am confused here. Is this saying that because my child needs extra help he is stopping everyone else from moving ahead? :?:

Submitted by Dad on Thu, 04/28/2005 - 5:27 PM

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Some people in and out of education believe that very thing, yes…

I have read numerous “analogies” for NCLB that attempt to use “humor” to explain why NCLB is bad, bad, bad, and all of them make the same mistakes.

NCLB does not mandate that all children “will make the state playoffs”. It does mandate that all children (with a very small percentage excepted) shall “be permitte to compete in the tournements leading up to the state championship”.

NCLB does not mandate that “teams are on probation until they become state champions”. However, teams will be placed on probation when it is determined they failed to impart the skills needed by any team that does become state champion (i.e. being able to dribble, pass the ball, shoot at the correct hoop and read the scoreboard).

NCLB does not mandate that all kids will be expected to have the same skils at the same time. However, all children of a certain age will be expected to reach an acceptable minimal level of skill, as determined by people with the background to make such a determination.

NCLB does not forbid exceptions for genetic abilities or disabilities (the original law had built in a statuatory 1% exception, which equates to about 5% of the Sped population, and was recently amended to allow a higher percentage of exceptions).

NCLB does not mandate that “talented players must work on their own because the coaches are all busy”. That is a common mistake States make in their attempt to focus on those needing more help. This in fact has been going on a lot longer than NCLB, as States routinely ignore the needs of the gifted students by placing them in classrooms with C and D students whose needs keep the classroom at a pace that allows them to become frustrated, bored and distracted.

The schools should be thankful that the NCLB testing is only for specified grades and not all grades. With the scramble to “teach to the test” and take practice tests coupled with the cost of running the real McCoy, no district could survive if they had to tst ALL grades each year.

What it comes down to is a failure by many to understand the fundamental bawsis for NCLB. It is not about forcing ALL students to achieve mastery. It is about getting the Educrats in charge of the public schools at the State level to openly admit that they have not only been failing large segments of the population (Sped students and the urban and rural poor), but they have been manipulating data and otherwise committing fraudulant reporting to hide the fact even as they ask for more and more Federal money.

What NCLB represents is the Feds saying after 30 years of questionable performance, we are not going to keep shoveling money into failing programs.

Submitted by JohnBT on Thu, 04/28/2005 - 6:14 PM

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I’m a long-time critic of public education and I think it’s funny, particularly the “No exceptions will be made for interest in basketball, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities.”

John

Submitted by des on Fri, 04/29/2005 - 2:31 AM

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Well it is obviously way way an exageration. I don’t think anyone has meant this to be a serious critique. There are more serious critiques but I don’t think these are really dealt with via an analogy that is flawed at best. I think it is funny and has some truth in it, but don’t consider it anythign beyond that.

—des

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