Hi everyone! I am a parent of a special needs child who’s 11 years old. :) I have a lot of questions and concerns and hopefully, this board will become a learning tool for me and my family. I would like your honest opinions on our sons situation.
My son Michael entered Kindergarten at the age of 4. He was quite and drawn back from the whole classroom setting. He went to preschool before elementary, but was always a quite kid, slow learner, social and in fine motor areas have always showed delays. By December of that year his teacher approched my husband and I to have him tested by the child study team. We agreed and the testing began. Finally, at the end of the year we had a the big meeting and agreed to have Michael enter a confined remedial classroom setting for the next year. Our elementary school had no other type classroom other then confined. We didnt know we could have had other options going to another school. My husband and I didnt know what to expect and all we had in our minds was to get him help. The teachers and other educators where very positive and thought this was the best thing we could do for Michael. In time with the small classroom setting he would get the help he needed and he could adventuly mainstream back into a regular setting.
The next year is when we saw the type classroom setting. As a first time Mom not thinking anything was really that wrong with her child and walking into a room with severally handicapt children broke my heart!! Not one child in the classroom could talk, it was a very distracting room. At the time, we thought our child had no where else to go. At the time I thought the school saw something seriously wrong with my son, while I didnt. I tried to accept that the educators new best and we didnt. That year my son did terrible, he stopped talking, couldnt express himself at all unless he was pulling his hair out in frustration. As the months went by he seemed like he was regressing. All this time we thought the teachers where right and he must have something wrong with him. The next year wasnt any better. He had a different teacher, same setting. All she focused on was trying to tell us we needed to medicate him since she thought he had ADD. We talked to our peditrican and he was medicated and doped up half of the year. We tried two different kinds of medications and neither worked. So, we took him off all together. By the 3rd grade Michael was even more behind and at that time my husband put in for a transfer and we left our home state. So, entering the middle of the 3rd grade in a new state they needed to retest him all over again. His results came out 2 years behind his current grade. Since, our son wasnt labeled with anything his new teacher said it was the law and she needed to label him with something. So, she labeled him as mentally handicapt. Again, he was put into a confined classroom, but much better setting.
At the end of that year my husband and I started getting Michael private help from Huntington Learning Center. He went for a full year every day and was brought up to grade level by their standered tests. It was awesome until he went back to school and their slower learning pace. We have requested over and over again for him to mainstream and each time we’ve been denied and go the run around. The reasons where because of various things. Either Michael had to finish a particular yearly reading book before hand. Or they just couldnt fit his schedule into the regular class rooms schedule. Not one teacher would listen to us. And of course now we feel like he’s so far behind again that how could he adapted in a regular setting?
Michael will be entering a new Middle school this fall. We are afraid of the same run around of not mainstreaming. His new school will have two type classroom settings. One is confined and the other is confined with a little more “freedom”. Meaning the school will let the LD children go to resorce classes with regular kids. Also the “freedom” room will be for children in 6th, 7th and 8th grade. As a soon to be 6th grade parent this seems like a catch 22 to me! Either your child is in a confined classroom or yeeeahhh gets alittle more freedom and responsiblity, but with 8th graders???? I think for maturity reasons I’d rather my son not be with 8th graders at this time.
In the passed 6 months my husband and i have brought our son to numourous doctors. The last was to a gentic doctor. Not one has found a single thing wrong with him. Not mentally handicapt at all!!!! At this point we’re very frustrated with the classroom, school you name it. Is there anything we can do? Is there anything anyone would recommend to us? We just want Michael to learn to his full protential. No one seems to care and my child will be basically pushed through the system. I refuse to sit here any longer and watch this happen. Mean while my sons self essteem is being crushed in the long run.
Re: New here
This sounds hauntingly like a book I read about 25 years ago called “The Magic Feather” about a child who got shunted into special education… and unfortunately thousands of parents could have written a similar story.
YOu have few choices and most of them are of the Catch-22 variety. Be sure to consider ones that might not have occurred to you, like homeschooling for a year to get those skills he didn’t learn and to get some maturity and confidence.
I think in your position I would make a list of the choices and discuss it with your kiddo, and write down the good & bad of each. INclude the option of simply going to the school and telling them you refuse “special ed” services. If he is not going to learn, he might as well not learn in the regular classroom.
I would also aggressively look for ways to keep school from being the dominant force in his life. Robert Brooks talks about developing “islands of competency” — making sure your child has somethign that *he* is good at, knows about, and continues to grow & leanr about. He jokingly talked about teaching the child to use a screwdriver and to tighten the screws in the chairs at the house… and loosening them if need be to make sure there was a need… and then spreading that to noticing other things that needed ot be taken care of and getting those skills. (And I have learned not to underestimate this from my sister, who suggested to a sully, lazy worker on our swimming pool crew that while we were doing a fast-paced part of the job that he couldn’t keep up with, he could go back to the truck and prepare it to load things back on… and then she praised his efforts. Danged if this guy didn’t start looking forward to that part and getting a more positive attitude and looking for things he *could* do well instead of leaning on the scrub brush and scowling. The ego is an amazing thing!)
Now, that’s all based on the idea that the school is utterly dysfunctional — it just might not be **that** bad. Just don’t count on it.
What do their educational evaluations say about him?
When students were mainstreamed where I taught, they tended to get lost in the shuffle. SInce they went from my class of 7-10 students, to classes of 20 or 30, they tended to sit in the back and disappear; they didn’t turn in homework or classwork, both because they struggled with the language demands (much more words, words, words and less drama and pictures and songs — no grabbing your buddy and acting out “impressment” into the Navy) and because nobody noticed if you didn’t hand it in (sometimes teachers didn’t want to “make them feel bad” because they were “those special ed kids”).
If I were a mom in that situation, I’d try to make a positive impression from day one — call the secretary and make an appointment to see some of those teachers in the regular classes that busy week before school. Maybe ask the secretary if chocolate would be good currency :-) Then don’t take too much of her time, but let her know you really want your child to succeed and *learn,* but that you know he struggles with some things, and ask what kinds of homework she assigns and for suggestions for how you can help your child learn to do this harder work, and for suggestions for how to keep up with the assignments so he doesn’t come home and say “don’t got no homework” until you get the report card.
I’d be totally honest with the kiddo about how it could be really hard to pass the classes, but that your goal is that he be learning and trying his best, and that he can tell you if things aren’t going well and you’ll work together on it, and you aren’t going to be horribly disappointed in him — that your biggest disappointment would be if he didn’t trust you enough to tell him if things weren’t going well. Then I’d find a way to make myself not get disppointed, frustrated, etc … or at least not to let it show :-)… because ‘way more important than ANY of this school stuff is having a kiddo who can come talk to you about stuff. (Now, I don’t know your relationship with him so I don’t really know how much this applies — I do know sometimes it just doesn’t matter, some young & old teens will go to *anybody* before they go to Mom, somethign about the biology… in which case you have to try & find an ally who Is NOt Mom who can serve the same function.)
Okay, I”ve matched you for rambling :-) Of course the advice is worth at least what you paid for it… and I’m not a mom (though I’ve been that Ally Who Is Not Mom a few times :-)), just somebody who’s worked with teens & adults on this stuff.
Re: New here
Your story is heartbreaking. My DS who is also 11yo will be hsed starting this summer. He was mainstreamed with an assistant (who helped 3 kids) but honestly the most progress was during the rare times he received one-on-one instruction. My DS does have serious learning disabilities but the school is pretty clueless on helping him.
I think and feel that the schools are doing what they can but lack the resources and the passion to take care of all the problems. However, once a child is in spec ed it’s next to impossible to get him out.
Seriously consider hsing your son to get him up to speed academically or if that’s not an option and you can afford it put him into a private school or consider tutoring instead of public school.
Good luck!
Re: New here
Heather,
Did you have a private psychoeducational evaluation (IQ test and achievement) done? If so, and it shows your son is on grade level and not mentally handicapped, then I think you can safely call an IEP team meeting and request that he be exited from special ed. In other words, you can refuse the special education services. It would be hard for the district to challenge you if you have the testing that bascially proves he does not qualify for special education. It actually would be illegal to keep a child in special education if they no longer qualify.
You also should consider hiring and advocate to go with you to the meeting.
Janis
Re: New here
For the legal aspects, there is a site called wrightslaw where you can find out more. I think the advice you have above is excellent.
Definitely start mentioning lawyers to the school representatives — even if you don’t actually get a lawyer, just the thought often changes their attitudes.
For academics, you definitely need to find a good tutor ASAP. If your child really doesn’t have learning problems, a lot of catching up can be done over the summer and in a couple of years you can get back on track.
With some luck, you may be able to pressure the school system to pay for all or part of it. Even if not, do get whatever help you can; or ask us here for do-it-yourself advice. it’s amazing how much kids can learn when they get support.
I think you should appeal to a higher authority! Go to the district level. Show them what the doctor found-no problems. Insist that he be placed in a regular classroom with other kids his own age. Request modifications in his work (IF it becomes necessary). Offer to get a lawyer. Sometimes this is the only thing that will get administration’s attention, unfortunately. It certainly worked for parents in my district. Don’t give up. You want him mainstreamed before high school! If all else fails, homeschool. Get into a good homeschool co-op where group education can take place weekly. I homeschooled for seven years, finished my master’s degree and now teach elementary school. Be persistent (but polite). I hope it goes well! After your son is placed, make friends with his teacher. Email her, visit her, offer to help in class…