Does anyone have any horror stories from their time in Special Education? This is my first time completely opening up about what I consider to be my LD nightmare. I am very nervous so forgive me for any grammatical errors. This is my first time on a message board so forgive me for any etiquette mistakes in this and the previous trial messages. For the last few weeks, I have been searching the internet looking for people that have had similar experiences, so far with no luck. So I am hoping that someone here will respond. I hope that this will be therapeutic and will help banish my nightmares. Here is my story. According to my parents, at the age of two, I began reading. My preschool teachers stated that I had an above average intelligence for that age group. In Kindergarten I was reading the Little House on the Prairie books. Up until third grade I was a normal well rounded intelligent elementary school student. All of that changed in third grade. I began to have trouble in math with fractions. My parents were told that I would be recieving help from a tutor to correct my problems. What they were not told was that I had been labeled LD. According to my parents they were not notified of this, recevied no notifications of meetings, or results of an IEP. Why, I have no idea. At that time I did not realize that anything was wrong. I remember feeling embarrased when the special tutor came to the classroom door knowing that everyone else was wondering what was going on. It was always during the school day so my classes would be interupted. It seemed that the special tutor nor the teachers cared any to help reteach the lost information, I was just sent to the tutor room, and I guess deemed incapable of the normal lessons. I quickly realized that I was losing time being taught valuable information. The tutor’s room was in a former janitor’s closet. It was about this time that I had my first experience with an intelligence test. It was given in a storage closet. For a person who is claustrophobic this was a nightmare. I recall being very distraught and not sure what was going on. I did not think anything was wrong with the test at that time. I went in finding it fun and a break from normal school activities. I was not told what grade I had made on it, nor according to my parents, were they notified. The tutor did not teach me what I had trouble with, but on every aspect of early elementary mathematics. It was at this time I began to be taunted by my peers being called retarded, etc. Working with the tutor went on through 5th grade. At that time I first realized that something was wrong. At that age I was still being taught only the basics of addition, subtraction, etc. I entered middle school with no mathematical skills except the most basic. In middle school everything changed. I was placed in a special class for math, even though, I attended normal classes in every other subject. I was told that if I did well I would be released and could attend regular classes. I made straight A’s which in my opinion would be signs of proficiency for releasing me into the mainstream classes. That obviously was not the case. I stayed in LD until 9th grade when things hit a dramatic conclusion. One of my most horrifying memories occurred during a study hall in the special class (study hall rotated). I was beginning to read the classics and at the time was reading Shakespeare’s Othello when a classmate came up to me and asked me to identify a word that she did not know. What caught my eye was the title of the book that she was trying to read, The Three Little Bears. Here I was in 8th grade a year away from high school reading Shakespeare for pleasure and to experience this left me realizing that I was not like these individuals and that something was very wrong. Any school activity the LD classes would either not be allowed to attend or would be segregated from those in normal classes. Other things occurred but I am just covering the basics. Once others start opening up and I begin to feel comfortable with my memories then I will tell more. I entered high school with no skills in math. 9th grade math began in yet another former storage closet/janitor’s closet. From 3rd grade until 9th I had been ridiculed to the point that I had no self esteem. I became introverted and spent most of my time in the library instead of socializing with my peers. Whenever the math class was the final class period of the day we would always get out early. During that time I never thought anything of it until I read someones message on this board or on another. Things began to happen when the annual college fair occurred during study hall. Of course the fair happened to be held on the day I was in the math class study hall. I was told by the teacher that I was not allowed to attend and that people like me could not attend college. At 9th grade I was still being taught the basics from outdated elementary school textbooks. I knew that the “normal kids” were doing different things and that the class that I was attending was not normal. I once asked during study hall if the teacher could teach me some basic algebra. She stated that it would be too complex and that I would not comprehend the equations. When it came time to sign up for next years classes I wanted to begin taking college preparatory classes. I was told that I could not do that due to the special ed. class. Even though I was only in special ed. for one subject every other class revolved around it. Various people in the LD department would come and observe my every movement in all of my mainstream classes. What turned out to be the climax of events was another intelligence test. Of course they had to take me out of my favorite class. I went in thinking that I would exel and maybe I would be released. Again it was in a storage closet. This experience was the most humiliating occurrence of my life. The test was not on math much less on general high school knowledge, but on what color is this, counting, how to tie a shoe, shapes, elementary school and below puzzles, identification of basic things, etc. this of course left me feeling like a 5 year old and very upset, but I tried to do my best. What sent me over the edge was a question dealing with differences. An example would be cat, dog, book, bear. The answer was Koran. I correctly identified the answer and proceeded to tell the instructer why it was different from the others. I was told very rudely that was not what they wanted to hear. I gave up, realizing that something was not right. I went home and told my parents what was going on and that they needed to contact the school. This lead to my very first IEP meeting. I was not allowed to attend and was told to wait in the hall. My parents came out very upset. Later I found out that the LD teachers had told them that I had scored below the normal intelligence level in all subjects on the test (they failed to tell them what the contents of the test was), that they wanted to pull me from my mainstream classes, that I had a 3rd graders IQ, and that I was doing poorly in my mainstream classes. I could not understand this since my report cards stated that I had all A’s and B’s. My parents went to the school board and I took another IQ test from an individual not associated with the school dealing with every aspect of knowledge up until the 9th grade. My IQ was labeled in the upper tier of high intelligence to lower genius category. While the legal process was going on I was forced to remain in special ed. all through that time I was taunted and ridiculed by the teacher. She told me that what my parents were doing was wrong, that I was retarded, and that I would fail in the mainstream classes, etc. At the start of my sophmore year I began taking general algebra. I made straight A’s. With the help of the teacher’s aide I was able during study hall to learn all that I had missed from 3rd grade until 9th. In 11th grade I entered algebra II again with A’s. At 12th grade I took geometry which I had trouble with, but I was still able to come out of it with a high C almost a low B. Which I considered to be good under the cirumstances. Today, I am attending college and finishing up my bachlelor degree with a B average GPA and hoping to get accepted to graduate school and eventually get my doctorate in History. Due to my experience in LD I am plagued with depression, fear, and feelings of inferiority. For some special education classes might be a success, but for me it was a nightmare.
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
Here are some more memories.
During my time in Special Education I endured ridicule from my classmates and teachers, and after I got out of Special Ed. I continued to be ridiculed. Once classmates saw me go into that, “janitor’s closet,” I would always be labeled, “the retard or stupid idot.” I knew inside that I was not. This is more painful than I thought, but I am beginning to feel a release of tension. Because of being labeled LD, I had no friends. Kids would pretend that they wanted my friendship only to pull some cruel prank. In high school, I spent lunch sitting alone, at times overhearing people talking about me like I was not there or could not comprehend. Eventually, I quit going to the lunch room all together and spent lunch period in the library reading.
In middle school, I endured something that an 8th grader should not have to endure. We were about to be let out for Christmas vacation. The math class was in the afternoon. The principal had dressed up as Santa Claus and was visiting the mentally challenged classes and LD classes. 8th grade, a year before high school, teenagers or almost teenagers some no doubt older, and they thought that the principal was Santa Claus. I remember setting at my desk in shock and horror as I watched 13, 14, and know telling how much older, students run up to the school principal, sitting on his lap, and shouting what they wanted for Christmas. Here I was 13 about to turn 14, and listening to teenagers annouce that they desired children’s toys. As soon as the bell rang, I recall running out of the room as quickly as possible, and bursting into tears as I walked out of the classroom and into the hallway.
Any group activity in the mainstream classes I was excluded because I was deemed ignorant by my peers even though I was making A’s in the class. Just because of that one class and a handfull of gossipy classmates I was judged the worst type of judgement a person, much less a child should endure. It got to the point that I would ask the teacher if I could do the projects by myself. I was always the last person to be chosen, was never given any assignment, or was I allowed to participate. Which meant that I was ignored when I spoke up, by those in the group, and spent most of the time listening to what the others had to say.
In high school I would spend many mainstream class study halls in the library. When study hall fell during the math class, I was not allowed to leave the classroom. If one had to use the restroom that individual had to take with them a wooden block with restroom written in big colorful letters. In any other class you just had to ask permission and be back within a reasonable amount of time.
I have endured signs placed on my back with, “Watch out for the retard,” Chewing gum in my hair, being knocked down, having things put in my lunch food, denied the opportunity to date much less go to my junior and senior prom, have any friends, etc. all because of the fact that I was labeled Learning Disabled. What makes this so sickening is that I was only in it that one year of high school and just that one class throughout middle school. But, people would see me walk up to that class or be segregated during a school function and I was instantly labeled and nothing I did to try and prove otherwise would deter their opinions. Even during my senior year having been in a normal math class and college prep. classes in everything else, I was still being ridiculed for something that had occurried in 9th grade, and in middle school.
I am getting very emotional here so if I start making grammatical mistakes or things start getting incoherent. I am crying. Like someone posted. No one should have to go through what I went through. I just wonder why and if those teacher’s or whom ever made that decision to place me in special ed. instead of a tutor realize now what they did, by giving an 8 year old so much burden and pain for so many years. I have had to live with this for so long either visably apparent or kept inside as a festering wound that just would not heal.
The people of those classes I am sure were intelligent in their own way and would have been good friends under different circumstances. But, for a 8-13 year old placed in such a situation, I could only look at the classmates at face value. Some had the mentallity of a young child, others could not speak, walk, hear, etc. One incident dealt again with the math class in middle school, one of the classmates was, I guess, not potty trained. Your imaginations can probably figure out what my emotions were like. In middle school, I should have done something then, but when special ed. teachers year after year are telling you that you are “retarded” and that special classes are all that you are capable of. There comes a time when you eventually believe what they are saying. Which is basically what I was stating in another post.
I cannot completely recall this, so the memory is not as clear, as the other ones. But, I am thinking that the LD classes were not graded. The other day, I was looking back at old yearbooks trying to open up other memories when I noticed that a couple of the students that where in freshman learning disabled math were juniors and seniors. I am not sure what was going on. How were these students allowed to graduate when they could barely count and some had to ask the teacher to spell their names. Nothing makes any sense, in my opinion. Why would I be placed in such a place and why were these students not taught, at least what would allow them to function in society.
Also, I am recalling an incident dealing with calculators. Instead of allowing the students to work with, “normal calculators”, they brought in calculators that were brightly colored in bright red, blue, and yellow, with circus animals along its frame and on each number pad.
We were not allowed to take the textbooks with us. The books had to remain in the classroom. This occurred throughout both middle school and high school. The textbooks, if they could be called textbooks, were old elementary school math books with big print and cartoon’s on each page. They covered only the basics: basic addition, basic subtraction, very little multiplication and division, and if I am recalling correctly one small chapter dealt with the beginnings of fractions. Different shapes cut in pieces was what consisted for fractions.
For years I have dealt with the ramifications of what occurred in elementary school, middle school, and high school, now, I realize that in order to move on with my life, I need to try to understand why this happened. Before finding this board I was uncomfortable speaking or even resurfcing the memories of what had occurred. I had always wondered why, but had been to scared to mention what happened to anyone, for fear that I would be labled again, and would have to repeat all of those nightmares. Why, would someone with what seemed to be a normal intelligence who had trouble with fractions would be labled LD instead of the school hiring a real tutor to correct my problems. According to my parents, I showed no signs of being disabled, no signs of having trouble in basic mathematics with the exception of fractions.
I thank God for now allowing me a normal life. With the exception of memories resurfacing at times and dreams. I have trouble trusting people, making friends, feelings of being a perfectionist, depression, and questions of what could have been. I guess I am, “normal.” It is amazing now that I look back that I managed to come out of this in as good of shape as I have. I would love to be able to repeat those years knowing what I know now. But, I can only wonder what would have happened had this horrible nightmare not occurred. Where would I be today. What I have went through has made me a stronger person. There are other things that I probably recall, but after years of desiring to forget the pain and heartache, only hypnosis would open them up. Thank you for allowing me to come onto this board. I hope that more people will respond who have had similar situations, or theories to why this possibly could have occurred. Just being allowed to type these memories in a place that I know that it will be read and understood allows for a sense of freedom.
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
I am remembering more of the high school intelligence test. The test was in a storage room in the principals office. A table had been forced into the room. The first activities began with colors, letters, basic number’s, etc. What I remember most is the colored blocks and you had to put them into patterns. Pegs designed into various shapes. Point to the picture of the cat, dog, father, mother, baby, house, car, etc. How to tie a shoe. How do you use a knife and fork. Similarites and differences. How to color. Then it went on to include a simple story book similar in wording, “To See Spot Run.” Putting together simple sentences. Basic addition and subtraction. Mostly counting how many of something or taking away the amount. Acting fairy tales or stories, cannot remember which, with felt puppets. The order of items in a list. If I remember correctly it took the whole day or almost the whole day. I recall that I missed the majority of my mainstream classes and that I had to eat lunch there. This was in 9th grade. Why?
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
In 6th grade all of the LD classes were asked to perform a play. I don’t know for whom because I choose not to participate or attend. But, I recall the students talking about it. The play was, The Three Little Pigs. . I recall one day the entire class arrived in their costumes. You can imagine my feelings at seeing this occur and have to endure the, “normal classmates,” shouting, “Look at the pigs.” The pigs all happened to be in my math class. And their shouting at me, “Why are you not a pig,” and going, “Onk, Onk.” For the rest of the year I got the nickname, “Onk.” I cannot understand why the other students appeared not to be effected by the actions of the normal students. I also learnt that during this time that they were taken out of what few regular classes they attended to work on the production of their play. That the LD English classes were writing the scripts. What the others did I do not know. In the math class there where three pigs, and a farmer.
During the math class study hall, in middle school, I recall that instead of allowing the students to work on their homework, they watched cartoons. Which always interrupted my studying since I was not allowed to go to the library.
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
Are today’s special education students forced to endure this or have things changed for the better? People need to realize what is occurring in the school systems. Also something that I have been wondering, was it just the public schools that had these problems or where they in the private schools? When I started college I left behind the past in what I guess can be considered a mental locked box. I have treasured being, I guess, normal. I have taken my time with college so that I could regain the lost pleasures of being a normal student. I now have friends, attend school functions, etc. But, the damage is still apparent at times. Like I mentioned before I have trouble making friends and trusting people. College was like opening the door to the real me. Thank You for listening.
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
Here is another memory.
When it came time for the mandatory state testing the LD students were given no preparation. Why! I can recall the teachers in special education math not informing their students that they would have to be tested on the same level as the “normal students.” The teachers would, it seemed to me, ignore the fact that their students were going to be tested on a level that they had no preparation for, nor with the skills that they were being taught capable of. I remember going into a normal math class, preparing to attempt my best on the test, only to find out that I had never been taught how to work the questions. That was the most horrible feeling, knowing that I should be familar with the questions based on my grade level, and being unable to work the problems because I had never seen them before, let alone knew what to do with them.
Each class would begin with spelling the teachers name, month, date, and day of the week. We were not allowed to use our own paper, but had to use large print (like what is used when learning how to write). This was in middle school and high school.
Why were the teachers told to approach teaching their classes this way? Didn’t they realize that this was wrong and would be harmful to their students?
Re: LD Horror Stories (Experiences in Special Education)
Heck, I at least *told* my students that there would mostly be things on that test that they hadn’t covered, adn that therefore that test wouldn’t really mean anything, but it was a stupid thing the school system made them do. I told them to go through and look for ones they could do, and if they couldn’t, to make a guess based on anything they wanted.
But — for the most part we were given no instruction on how to deal with the situation, because there *is* no good answer. It’s not fair to the students to pass on that denial, even though I have to say I hated wasting *more* instructional time “preparing” for the test - but I knew that the psychological beating students take in the “testing process” makes that instructional time much less valuable, and if I could undo some of that damage …
One of the reasons the private school I taught had such excellent improvements in test scores was that a certain percentage of students simply changed from disgustedly filling in random dots to actually trying to answer questions.
From 1987 until 1994, I attended a special education class for math. At that time in my school/city/state,etc. they were seperate from the mainstream classes. They were not known as special ed. classes, but Learning Disabled. They were aligned with the students in the mentally challenged classes. Why, I don’t know. One time durning a cake and ice cream party in middle school, the LD students, had to sit next to the down syndrome and other mentally challenged students at a table at the far end of the lunch room instead of being allowed to set with their friends at the other end of the room. I am sure everyone here knows how cruel classmates can be and can image what ridicule I endured. This also occurred when lunch fell during the math class. I am now beginning to wonder just what I was placed in. According to what I have read on this board and others that LD means that a student’s method of learning a certain subject is impared, and that they have to find other methods of overcoming those hurdles. But, during the time that I was in elementary, middle, and high school, students with this label was considered to be, forgive me for upseting anyone, mentally retarded. I cannot even begin to recall the countless times that I and others in those classes were called that by peers and teachers. There was a time when the teacher had to leave and the class was moved to the mentally challenged wing to be watched by their teachers. Why! From what I have gathered from this website things have changed sort of for the better. Does anyone have any answers? What I am wanting is to find out why this happened. If anyone has any theories feel free to post. To try to have some closure of these past occurrences. Also to find out if anyone else had any experience similar to mine. I will be updating things and adding other memories.