Thirty years ago I had a platonic fifteen-month relationship. Was not going anywhere, but we parted as friends.
Married another who died of cancer over a yar ago.
Saw #1 for the first time in over 25 years 3/28. Told me he was Dx with high level ADD 7 years ago at age 58. Had been married for 7 years but divorced 12 years ago. At his suggestion I started reading “Driven to Distraction”, and my husband kept jumping out at me, almost page after page. Have also read “Think Fast”. I am so relieved to know that the past 30 years of hurt and frustration has not entirely been my fault! My head has been swimming and just won’t stop. I am back, I think, in a relationship with #1 and would very much appreciate any help. I do realize that everybody is different.
He is more than willing to let me help him organize, and I told him that I would balance his checkbook for him. No more calling the bank to check his balance! Knows he needs help keeping focused.
30 years ago he tuned out everybody, all too often. Until a few days ago I noticed that he did it only when at his home - when we were at my home or elsewhere he was fine. Ah ha! Felt comfortable and at ease at home but tended to “put up his guard” when away. Made sense until a couple of days ago. But maybe feeling more comfortable with me? We’ve e-mailed a lot (an hour apart) but get together every other day on average. Talks very openly about himself. Was on Wellbutrin for a few years but said he really didn’t notice much difference. He wants to control things himself, and I don’t blame him.
Also, he mentioned yesterday and again today that recently he has been reversing much, much more than usual. Does not understand why and is very concerned. Any ideas?
I have so much to learn! Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated! I’m electing to have replies sent to me, at least for the time being.
Thank you, Marty
Marty,
What you are describing was similar to how I felt when I discovered I was ADD. When I started reading about ADD it explained so much, the things I never understood about my own childhood.. As I read Driven to Distraction, I could see myself, my parents, and my kids and boy it was tough…I have learned to accept things, forgive and forget and move on to new vistas. It is a relief now that things are out in the open about the ADD in my family. It helped me make sense of my life so far.
I was talking with a good friend who is 50 years old and she was diagnosed with ADD about 4 years ago. She went 5 months without meds and she was regressing… She went in this week for a refill on her Adderall and the psych said…”where have you been?” I told her…laughing…”You should have said… what do you expect? I am ADD-Inattentive…she was just taking care of business in her usual ADD-Inatentive way.
Your friend I am sure will push some of your buttons but if you can overlook that and have a lot of patience you can probably make things work out.. Good luck!!