The differences...HELP!!!!

Gaby, I often think the same way. And I’m tired of non-add people telling me that they understand, offering their matter-of-fact opinion as to how I am overreacting. People with add/adhd do act different. For example, I always interrupt people in conversations—adding in an eccentric comment that sets the “flow of conversation” off balance—usually causing the end of interaction. So what do I do with this?

I cope the best I can. It helps me to actively follow the guidelines of interpersonal communication which I’ve learned in school. And other than this, I just roll with it, I do not see myself as different than others when I hangout. I don’t tell myself, or others, “I have add, I can not be the same, act the same, feel the same, think the same, eat the same, sleep the same, as others can”, these are unrealistic ideas. This negative self-talk is usually what keeps me feeling sad when I have a bad day or expierence.

It is completely up to you wether or not you wish to make your situation discreet to others. If it makes you uncomfortable to know that they are aware of your adhd then don’t tell them; I know that I sometimes act strange or eccentric towards others immediately after I reveal to them that I have add. It is because it a big step for me to tell and I only tell my closest friends—people who accept me—that I have add.

I realize that everybody has deficits in their own ways and that I could be in a lot worse of a position than I am in. Many people are starving, immobile, suffer from disease, etc.; I could be in a lot worse of a position than merely having attention deficit disorder, and I can’t stress this fact enough. Picture yourself in somone else’s position, like someone who can’t walk, and then understand how privilged you are in comparason. In fact, adhd may be a gift; I’m sure you have heard that people with adhd exhibit certain artistic abilities or certain skills which distinguish them above others. It all depends upon how you perceive it, and how you act upon that perception.

One area of difference is in conversation. Some people tend to be very topic oriented while some people talk in a more free floating style. I find that I get along better with others who are more comfortable letting a conversation move from topic to topic. For some people, my conversational style is very difficult for them to follow, but for others it’s not.

I find letting others know that I sometimes lose the main focus helpful in my relationships. Then people can tell me when I’m not hearing something that is important for them to communicate. When people talk to me, I tend to listen intently, but to sometimes become distracted and go off on tangents.

I’m older and not working, so I no longer have to deal with office conversations which I was not good at.

I once had a therapist who would get very upset that I would move from topic to topic. It would throw her off and make her unable to follow. She didn’t understand the connections. She said she understood ADHD, but she didn’t.

The person who I’m working with now has no trouble following me and understands that when I change a topic, I may still be relating to the same issue, but that my mind tends to go off on tangents that are often related, but not in the typical way. Thus, I may be talking about a friend and then start talking about a prior experience. The connection may be that in both situations I was having difficulty with control issues. That may be the issue we’re discussing. She’ll often be able to see the relationship and point it out. And if what I’m talking about isn’t related and something in a prior situation acted to distract me, I still feel accepted. What a difference!

And one gift that I have is being able to follow people who go off on tangents. Since I forget, some of the time, what the topic is, I’ll just go where they go and they’ll go where I go. If either of us needs the other to stay focused, we can ask for that. We can express our needs. (e.g., “I’d like to finish telling you what happened on Saturday.”)

Finding friends who can accept us and still consider their own needs (e.g., to be heard) is important. If I’m trying to tell someone something important, and they go off topic, it bothers me if I can’t ask them to come back. So why wouldn’t it be ok for someone to want the same from me? They just need to have the willingness to tell me what they need and to have enough understanding to leave me feeling basically accepted, despite the fact that this behavior can be annoying and result in frustration for them.

I am 22 and currently working on an internship and majoring in occupational therapy. One of the things I have learned through my experiences especially this past year is that I often try to thing before I say things. It has taken much time to do this but it has made a tremendous difference. Another thing I have learned from school is that I need to tell those close to me and that I work with that I am ADD and sometimes need a little time “organize” my thoughts. School mates, my professors, and fellow workers try to help me as well. I have leraned there is no shame asking for help. I take medication although I cannot take it during my internship because it calms me down a little much for the energy level i need. I also do not take my medication when I am not doing school work etc. Other have learned that I am rather entertaining to be around and appreciate my rambling, forgettings etc. They have also helped me by reminding me to pay attention or something else that I have forgotton. So dont be afraid to tell others of your problems, and they will accept you for what and who you are if they are truly your friends

thank you so much…your words has really helped me

Hi Gaby,

Thanks for asking, sometimes that’s the toughest thing to do. I agree with you about our unique personalities. I am very different than most and it took a long time before people would except me. I have some really great friends, but most live in other States. I have never had a lot of friends, but do work with some great people who think I am unique.

I have learned that the older I get, the eaiser it becomes. We are usually very independent, so that can be a barrier when it comes to the male species. It took me 28 years to find that someone who could partially understand me… my character and with that… we divorced 18 years later.
But believe me, I had FUN before finding someone with whom I wanted to marry!!

The best advice I could give you is be yourself and if you possibly can… warn the person who would like to befriend you that you are different. That’s what I do and it works for me. I love being on my own… no attachment. I think society makes way too much of marriage and family these days. So try and relax some, have fun and before you know it, someone special will come along. Get involved in activies you enjoy and try and find a job that you LOVE… we are spectular at helping others!

Good luck with your life and if you have any more questions, write!

Sincerely,

Suzy Zrake
Houston, TX