fear of driving

I can relate! I am generally bad at eye-hand coordination and depth perception, so this does not make car driving easy. After 15 years of driving, I do have some more confidence, but believe me, I usually drive around the block to avoid paralle parking. Driving is still stressful to me and I avoid it whenever possible.
It gets better with practice, though.
Good luck,
marga :wink:

Hi I am Amy and I am 20 years old.

I was just diagnosed with NLD and ADHD this year.

I had a terrible fear of driving up until last year. I feared it because of my terrible hand eye cordination, and bad depth perception and spacial judgement. I also have trouble with directions. I mix up left and right all of the time. I also get lost all the time.

When I first started driving I looked so funny. I was so tense and nervouse that I had my seat so close to the wheel that the wheel hit my legs. I gripped the wheel so tight that I had cuts on my hands from my nails. My mom and dad forced me to learn to drive, at first I hated it but now I am glad they did.

I still fear driving but not as much now because I am taking the step to drive. I have a car and I find that the way to get over the fear is to drive to a new place with a friend (who knows the place we are going) a few times untill I know the road I am driving on. When I know the road and the way I try to drive it by myself.

To get over the fear of getting lost I have my mom right out my directions so they say driverside and passanger side turns. I also labled my car. On the driverside it says left and on the passangers side it says right and gas.

I can now proudly say that I can drive the 242 mile trip from NH to NJ all by myself without feeling sick from anxiety.

My advise to you is to learn to drive slowly. Have someone you trust take you driving in a parking lot and then gradually move up to driving other places. The only way to be a good driver and to get over the fear and anxiety is to drive.

Unfourtunatly in todays society you need to drive to get around.

Good Luck.

Feel free to contact me if you need anymore suggestions. Email me at [email protected]

I hope this has helped.

Amy

This has been the BEST thing for me - to find out other people struggled with math and maps and driving and learning to read music - so many things that happen in the same portion of our brains. (Or something!? Did we all have water on our brains at birth?)

I got my driver’s license at 28 - and in this country, with our love affair with the vehicle (how many 50’s songs have there been about cars, racing, “Fun, fun, fun ‘til Daddy took the T-bird aw-aaay…”), I felt like an idiot for not being able to take part in this “Coming of Age” ritual like all the other kids did when they were sixteen. I am near-sighted and have really bad depth perception, and have been jokingly called ‘directionally dyslexic’ by friends who cannot understand why I can’t find due West when I live in California. I cannot seem to read maps, though I keep trying - It’s caused me a lot of perspiration and anxiety. Traffic is the worst - too many things seem to be happening at once. Traffic at night is horrifying and I am pretty leery of freeway driving, but I do it when I have to. You just get tired of having to require so much help for what seems to be something so simple for other people. I’m blessed with a loving, patient, helpful husband, but self-disgust can really get you down.

(Man, as I say all of this, I feel like I sound like an idiot. Isn’t it ironic that women are portrayed as bad drivers anyway - ? I have for years just felt in the bottom of my heart that all of the things my father said were right… I couldn’t drive because I was just a dumb girl.)

Thanks, everyone, for validating my own fears and shortcomings. It’s good to know the rest of you are out there.

Tadamack: That sounds so much like me, it’s scary. I’ve been practicing driving since I got my learner’s permit at 15; now I’m nearly 21, and I feel like I’m not much better off than when I started.

I’m quite directionally impaired, and it really is annoying; sometimes I’m worried that I’ll make a wrong turn and, without noticing it, end up in another state entirely. I kid you not: I’ve gotten lost in one-story buildings quite a few times. I also have a habit of confusing left and right, which is not good when having directions given.

My depth perception is horrible, making it hard for me to tell whether or not I’m getting too close to the cars around me, and my spatial sense is just as bad, causing me to nearly veer off the road at times. (Is it just me, or does anyone else have a hard time telling whether or not they’re in the middle of the lane or in the other lane entirely?) Traffic is, of course, a complete nightmare, as those of you who have driven in Georgia will probably be able to corroborate. :wink:

And I’m male, which makes things even worse. You think it’s bad being a female who’s inept at driving— at least you’ve got an excuse that you can sarcastically fall back on. :D

Indeed, what you say about everyone’s perception of driving seems true to me as well: it *does* seem as if it’s so simple for everyone else. Yet ironically enough, many of the things everyone else seems to find so hard seem quite simple to me! It is rather disconcerting, though, to be able to code an entire web site in PHP but not to be able to get from point A to point B…

So good to know my son isn’t alone. He’s nearly 22 and got his license a few months ago. He’s had 2 “close encounters” with some bumpers in parking lots, so now he parks in Timbuktu, as he says. Although he has to pay me back for the damages to the other cars, driving has done a lot for his confidence all around.

My advice for you all is to take it one step at a time. Take lots of extra lessons with a driving school (They don’t yell or gasp like Moms and Dads) until you feel comfortable. Once you have your license, drive to a familiar place every day, like work or school. Since you know your way, you’ll develop familiarity and can focus on traffic, not directions.

Good luck,
Fern

I have zero depth perception/binocular vision. One time the doctor was checking me out with a new depth test on a card with eight little 3-D pictures on it, with those little stripy lens coatings. The first picture was supposed to be so easy that a small child could get it right every time, just to check if you understood the directions. I couldn’t do it. The doctor nearly fell off his chair.
I have zero depth/ binocular vision because in my childhood it was decided (Freudians) that I only wanted glasses to imitate my brother; the walking into doors and tables and the bruises, headaches, etc,. were all in my mind. My left eye shut down to less than 10% function, severe amblyopia.
Parents, get your kids’ eyes checked!! And if they still walk into doors and tables, get second and third opinions.

With this, of course, my hand-eye coordination is off the charts — at the bottom. It takes only a small amount of stress or distraction for me to drop and break everything in sight.

I have real directionality issues; I remember clearly arguing with my brother about how to set a table, and not knowing (at all) which side was left or right, when I was about nine or ten.

Nonetheless, I have slowly, very slowly become a very good driver. I have a perfect driving record and even taught drivers’ safety education for a couple of years! I even add to the complexity by driving manual transmission cars, old clunkers, and living in Montreal with lots of snow and ice. So yes, it can be done.

Amy’s advice is excellent. Take your time and work up to it. So what if you don’t look like an expert after lesson 2? Lots of the people who start out hot quit after lesson 3; if you stick to it and keep improving, you can do a lot better in the long run. Second everything Amy says.

Here are some other important things to do:

Take the driver’s safety education class whether it’s required or not. Study it seriously. Take it twice if you can. There’s a lot to learn, and a nice comfortable classroom and a film are a lot less stressful than a rainy road.

LEAVE ENOUGH SPACE!! *Most* of the drivers out there simply are much, much too close to other cars. You know all those rear-enders you see and cars off the road and the multiple-car pileups on the news? **90%** of those didn’t need to happen. They happen because if you are already on top of another car’s bumper with less than half a second to react, forget it, the collision has already happened before you can even react. And no, snow and rain don’t cause collisions, drivers who *don’t adjust* to snow and rain cause collisions. If your dad or mom keeps telling you to pull up closer, tell them to lay off, they are paying the insurance and should be grateful. An up-to-date safety class will tell you to leave two seconds in local traffic and four seconds on the highway (forget car lengths, hard to measure and anyway dad’s rule is way out of date for today’s traffic and speeds). Personally I leave even more; today counted and found I was leaving six seconds on the highway — that perfect record is no accident.

Stay within the speed limit. You don’t need tickets and high insurance rates, and the speed limit is set at a level that wil reduce collisions.

Keep your eyes moving. Look far ahead , sides, ahead again, close, ahead again, mirror, ahead again. ADD can be an advantage keeping you looking all around. Just train yourself to *keep* bringing attention back to the road ahead *all the time.*

You can’t watch and control everything in the world. Learn to judge which things are risks (cross traffic, turning and passing, people braking in front or speeding behind, kids/bikers on roadside, etc.) and check them *constantly*, while relaxing about all the million other things around. This skill takes time to program into your brain but makes you a much less stressed and safer driver.

WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT!! 75% less risk of death and injury. Sure there are anecdotes of survival without, but the odds are with wearing it. And put kids in proper safety seats, properly installed (find out how) period. Think how you’d feel if the kid was injured without it.

I learned to drive from people who were interested in mechanics and sports cars. I learned to like small sporty cars with a lot of “road feel”. The popular big car with soft suspension and automatic everything may be a cushy ride — but one reason you may feel nervous is that you really don’t have enough info about what is going on around you. The little sporty car with the stiff suspension (so you feel the bumps) and the tight steering (so you feel the slipperiness of the wet pavement) and the audible engine and tire noise (so you hear how fast you are going) (even more with the manual transmission) and the hard braking (so you know how much you are slowing down) can be a much more mentally and emotionally comfortable place to be. And it’s a heck of a lot easier to park.

Get to know your car mechanically. You *must* know how to change a tire. If possible get instruction in tuneups and minor repairs — the more you know, the less strange and frightening it is.

If you live in a reasonably safe area, instead of getting stressed about getting lost, take it as (a) a good joke, and (b) an opportunity to learn. Explore your area. Find out where the back roads go. This can be a lot of fun and useful later when you want to go somewhere and you already know that place.
Spend time just looking at maps for interest and tracing where the roads go — first near your house, and later further afield. As you travel, you can match what you see to the map and slowly it will become clearer.
It’s a good thing to have several maps and an atlas of the country in the car, in some kind of bag or carryall; then no matter where you travel, you can get help by showing the map to other people and working out a route.
If you’re far out of town, or in a dangerous area, never leave home without a *charged* cell phone in your purse or pocket; then you can always call for help.

If you make a mistake, *stay calm*. NEVER stop or back up on a throughway/freeway/interstate. NEVER, period. Go on to the next exit. Then you can go around the cloverleaf and come back and try again, or if you or someone in the car knows the area well you can take an alternate road. But above all remember Don’t Panic.

hi, i am a parent of a 19 year old who isn’t driving yet. she tried when she was 16, got a permit, but it was clear that she was not comfortable, so we pulled back from that and thought it might be better to wait. she had difficulities riding a bike too. she still only rides with trepidation. when home from college recently she did express an interest in driving, saying that she feels her reflexes are improving. glad to read your postings. doesn’t make one feel so alone. i am going to let her know about this site. take care,
karina :)

<<Get to know your car mechanically. You *must* know how to change a tire. If possible get instruction in tuneups and minor repairs — the more you know, the less strange and frightening it is.>>

Hi Victoria,

Before I get to the point, I did attempt to respond to your post on giving help but for some reason, the board wouldn’t accept my message. I had spent so much time on it, I didn’t feel like rewriting it. But I greatly appreciate your contributions and feel you are one of the most generous posters I have seen on any board.

Ok, I used to be able to change a tire. However, I have a vague memory of trying to change a flat and I literally could not unscrew the tire. I am not a weakling but I swear I couldn’t do this. Any suggestions on a tool that might help? Even so, I would probably need a refresher course.

With my impaired visual spatial skills, I am not going to be able to much more than that. I know, you have got them too but Victoria, you’re one of a kind:)). Hey, I have driven since 16 and I drive anywhere so at least, in that sense, I have defeated the odds.

PT

I’m a strange mix when it comes to driving. In my case I have both good verbal and spatial skills, but I also have bad verbal and spatial skills. For instance, I can do spatial rotations in my head till the cows come home and found subjects like art and geometry effortless in school; yet I confuse left-right, get lost easily, and have terrible fine and gross motor coordination. Therefore, driving is a mixed bag for me. I find it fairly easy judging speed and spatial relationships, yet I get confused with directions. I also need it quiet in the car for me to concentrate on driving. If there is someone talking to me or I am talking, then my driving quickly degenerates to that of a chimpanzee on crack. Oh, and I am a guy who has been drivnig for over a decade.

crhain: You write

In my case I have both good verbal and spatial skills, but I also have bad verbal and spatial skills. For instance, I can do spatial rotations in my head till the cows come home and found subjects like art and geometry effortless in school; yet I confuse left-right, get lost easily, and have terrible fine and gross motor coordination.

That is *exactly* me as well. I just do my best to deal with it, use the strong skills to compensate for the weak ones; and while I used to be terribly shy and embarrassed over it, now that I’m older I get downright nasty at people who hand out uninvited criticism.

PT — for changing tires — you need a low-tech device called a “breaker bar” by truckers. I first met one of these when we had a flat tire 300 miles north of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (an area where we consider the Dakotas to be the south — but luckily this was summer, only danger is being eaten up by mosquitoes and black flies). We had our tools and tried to remove the tire, and found that the garage had tightened the bolts with a mechanical wrench that was stronger than any human force. After we spent an hour on the roadside staring at forest, finally a vehicle passed, a lovely trucker who got his “breaker bar” and solved the problem. This bar is simply a two or three foot length of strong steel pipe, of a size that can fit neatly over the end of your regular tire iron. Instead of the one to two foot length of your regular tire iron, now you have three or four feet. Basic principle of leverage is that if you double the length of your lever, you cut in half the force needed, et voila.
You only need to sit and stare at forest once, while thanking the Lord that it isn’t winter at 30 below zero, to recognize the value of being able to do minor things like tire changing yourself! (Although I have to admit that I have been a bit lazy with my present car, only commuting in urban areas, but it is going to get a going-over before I do any country travelling.)

PT — for changing tires — you need a low-tech device called a “breaker bar” by truckers. I first met one of these when we had a flat tire 300 miles north of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan (an area where we consider the Dakotas to be the south — but luckily this was summer, only danger is being eaten up by mosquitoes and black flies). We had our tools and tried to remove the tire, and found that the garage had tightened the bolts with a mechanical wrench that was stronger than any human force. After we spent an hour on the roadside staring at forest, finally a vehicle passed, a lovely trucker who got his “breaker bar” and solved the problem.

Victoriah,

Thanks. Now I have no excuses! Darn. <g>

But in all seriousness, I understand what you’re saying. I might have to take a refresher course because it has been so long since I have tried to change a tire.

PT

What’s the best way of staying within the speed limit if you have no sense of speed? Surely there has to be something easier than having to keep glancing down at the speedometer every few seconds…

How to keep speed with no natural sense:

Unless you’re way the heck out in the boonies at night, you follow the other traffic. You keep a good large distance (much more than the average driver, who is too close) behind another car, and you stay there. You don’t want to be the slowest car on the road; that has its own dangers. You certainly don’t want to be the fastest; that’s dangerous in and of itself, as well as the problem of tickets. You get in the middle lane if there are three or more, the right lane otherwise. You let all the speed demons pass you (remember, it isn’t a race, there’s no blue ribbon) and you only pull out and pass when (a) you’re stuck behind somebody so slow that every single other car on the road is passing you AND (b) you wait for a good clear space to pull out safely AND (c) you pull back in to the right and let the nuts go by; don’t play possessive and block the left lane.

You also learn the sound of your car engine and you know when you are cruising smoothly. You do this with any car, but it’s easiest with manual-shift cars. Listen to your car and drive by ear, and by feel, as well as by eye.

Hi, All –
Victoria: Good advice! :-)
I just don’t like to drive at night. Less people and tow-truck
service, etc….. Harder to see what’s around, what is in the road…at
least it’s tough for me to drive at night. I don’t like to drive at night.
Take care, all. Joining a car-club (AAA or MCA ) isn’t a bad idea, either.

/signed/ Joe from Northern NJ

Joe and anyone else who does not like to drive at night, you are not alone. I hate driving at night. It feels totally different. I am trying to learn out of nessesity. If anyone is trying to learn to drive at night my suggestion is to practice driving at night with a friend and only on roads that you know really well until you feel comfortable. I do this by driving to school sometimes.

Anyway I just wanted you to know that you are not alone! Good luck with everything!

AmyJohannaHorton

Me 2, I crash into everything just on a bike, so I will probably never dare too take a driver’s license… Thank God for the great public transportation in my country, Denmark…

I don’t know why. It’s probably because I have trouble knowing what is left and right, because of my dyscalculia.

Sorry to be replying so late to your post this is the first time I have seen the message board and wanted to post that you are not alone, I am 18 and am dead scared of driving, lots of reasons arise when I was a youngster I constantly got car sick and I always saw the worst case scenrio, I mean its fine when I drive with family and stuff but I could never see myself Driving My brothers car, my Brother left me his car Back when I was around 16 my brother was 38 and was expecting that I would drive by the time I was 18, I havent even got a learners permit and nobody knows I am scared, I have no sense of direction what so ever you couldnt pay me to drive you around in a car, I am scared to drive because I cant read maps and have no way of knowing left from right, even Stevie Wonder could out do me the way I am and he actually drives with all his other blind friends yes its true, stevie is a pretty good driver but he sticks to dirt roads and usually does it like an obstacle course, he of course cant drive the highway so thats sarcastic
I know I’ll learn by practice and taking things slow, but my biggest fear isnt the driving but what will happen I have seen too many Drunk Driving accidents and I think my problem is that I am paranoid, I get shaken up easily by things and I hate to tell people my reason for not doing something.

Do like me - tell people you care about the environment :P

It helps if you really do, like me :D

[quote=”ellyodd”]Do like me - tell people you care about the environment :P

It helps if you really do, like me :D[/quote] That is another reason, ever since I was a little kid of about 3 I have picked up liter and thrown it in the Garabage or recycling Bin. I am very concerned about Global Warming.

Thats pretty good.

This is a web-site which links to mass-transit organizations
( Trains and Bus ) of cities. It is a good site, though you have
to know the Internet pretty well to use it.

http://www.apta.com/links/state_local/indexuza.cfm

Guestman, ok, then… just care :-)

I hope you have a good public transport system where you live…? :-)

I have just found this site and have read through the postings on driving, most of which I find myself able to relate to. I am fine on roads and areas I know well, but if i have to go anywhere new, the panic sets in, my husband just gets annoyed and cant understand why I keep asking him to repeat the directions, and even when I get to the place, the fun begins on the return journery, because I have no idea where I am or how to get home. I often end up feeling physically sick because of this.

For a long time I thought I was just stupid because I was unable to perform certain everyday tasks, such as driving to a new place, but after reading up on the subject I think I may have a learning problem, I am awaiting the results of a test I have recently taken, (I have direction probs, maths probs, memory etc ) and hope to look forward instead of always beating myself up about every little error I make, there is probably a reason why I cant do certain things as well as others.

Its good to know, I am not the only one, but at times it feels like nobody understands or evens wants to.

Great site , will check it out again .
Gill :?

Hey Ford Prefect 8) - good luck, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone, if you have a LD - and most of all, that you find someone 2 help you. :D

I have never been able to pass a driving test and I don’t want to wind up like the lady in England who finally got her licence after seven tries.(Could it be that the testers just got tired of having her come in so often?) anyway, I’m glad that to have found this site, I feel less like an oddball by the minute. I’m not the only adult without a drivers licence. Luckily we have a decent bus system here in the wilds of Eugene, Oregon :D

No, you´re not alone with that. Public transportation is oh… kay :p