I lost my husband on March 24th. He had ADD dxd. and LDs never diagnosed. He did his very best in life, gave 200% and I am blessed to have had such a wonderful, loving person to share my life with. I have never lived alone in my life, and am scared of what the future will bring. My husband was pretty high functioning, but I am not at that level. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. We’d had problems periodically brought on by neither of us understanding we had ADD and LDs. Once we did, life became easier, and we were able to enjoy and understand each other more. At some point my husband who was overweight and had hypertension, developed Diabetes. His lousy doctor never bothered to check for that in 3 years, although my husband complained about numbness and tingling in his hands and feet, and impotency. My husband went into a severe depression (caused by Diabetes) over his life’s work being undone by circumstances beyond his control, and tried to commit suicide early last month. You’d think Aetna would have a provision for someone who desperately needed both medical and mental health care, but no.
After 3 days in a medical hospital we had to have him transferred to a psych unit. Then after 2 days, 2 frigging days he was allowed to go home even though I told the family therapist at the one session we had that I didn’t think it was a good idea.. My son and I watched him like hawks. I even called to try to get the psych doc to see my husband sooner than his follow-up which wasn’t scheduled for 15 days after he was released from the hospital, and I was told he could not be seen. So on the following Monday, he drove off, pretending to leave for work, and instead drove out in the country, and shot himself after learning he had Diabetes as well. And no one would listen to his family. We weren’t even consulted by the psych. Something’s got to be changed with this system.
I just cry every time I think about how much the system failed, doctors failed, therapists failed, insurance failed. And if they hadn’t I would still have a sweet man to share the rest of my years with. He was only 58 years old. Statistically, of those who try to commit suicide, and don’t succeed, a year later, 98% are happy they weren’t successful. The psych called to offer his apologies, but they don’t quite measure up to the loss of my husband.
Sadly,
Wren
Re: Lost My Husband
Thank you all for your condolences. I have been having a very hard time focusing, staying on task, anxiety, and very forgetful. Can’t remember where I put anything. Stressing out a lot. I know I could really use some therapy, but I don’t yet even have time for it. Maybe after this week things will slow down a bit. My brain is receiving far too much input to cope with at times. Processing things much slower than normal for me which was slower than normal to begin with. Noticed I have reverted back to a stereotypical behavior—rocking myself back and forth while sitting in regular chairs. Something I’d stopped doing awhile back. Guess I must have really found some comfort in being rocked as an infant. And heavens to Betsy, at age 55, my nails are growing back in from years of biting them, and this time they are very strong. They used to be thin and flimsy, and very brittle. And I haven’t bitten a one during all I’m having to face and deal with. Again thank you.
Wren
Re: Lost My Husband
Hi Wren,
I am so, so sorry. I lost my mate three years ago. Although we didn’t live together, we were very close, and I miss the companionship and love.
If rocking helps, how wonderful that you have a way to comfort yourself that isn’t self destructive. Of course, you’re having more problems functioning. I remember when a really close friend died, and I was so upset that I poured grapefruit juice into my coffee by mistake.
Be real kind to yourself. Even non-disabled people have more difficulty functioning after the kind of trauma that you experienced. With time, most people regain the functioning that they lost when under this kind of stress.
I think it’s great that you’re involved on this board. It’s a great way of getting support and having contact with others. (By the way, on another post, you asked what NLD means. It’s non-verbal learning disabilities. It’s similar to Asperger’s, without some of the behavioral issues.)
It is so sad that your husband didn’t get appropriate care. With the medical establishment as it is and with our society’s screwed up priorities, so much damage is done. I just wish that it hadn’t happened to you and your family.
You have your child. My mate’s children help in that they’re part of the connection, and also because I care about them. I’ve been able to see them
fairly often. Also, I have my mate’s cat. When this cat was recently diagnosed with a heart condition, it brought up a lot of the pain of my loss. Still, I’m grateful for the six years that my mate and I were together.
Again, be kind to yourself and also to your child, who I am sure is also struggling.
Arlene
Re: Lost My Husband
Wren, I’m so sorry…but as a fellow ‘recovered nail biter’ (well, 8/10 are recovered at present, has been a bad school year for my son!) I am amazed at your strength!
I also suffered many of your symptoms when my mom died — she was a close girlfriend and my son’s caregiver also — bear up, it will get easier.
Best wishes and prayers for you…
Condolences
My Heartfelt condloences go out to you and your family. Why don’t you file a lawsuit against the Psycologist. I feel he has some responsibility in your husbands death. My prayers are with you. :cry:
Wren,
I am so sorry that you lost your husband like this. I can’t imagine what you and your son must be going through.
PT