[size=9]Hello my name is Jeanine;
I am a new member to the forum and wanted to reach out to say hello. I always seem to have troubles with everyday life, work and marriage, and my self-confidents I can’t seem to figure out why. Some times I feel that my lack of confidence in my self is leading to a poor relationship in with my husband. I find it hard to deal with that my husband thinks I am dumb, unsuccessful and that I do nothing right or good enough for him. He gets aggravated with me because I do something’s differently than he does them.
For example when I am doing something in the checkbook I have every thing all over and I use the calculator differently than he does. He prefers to enter everything all at the same time like this (255-25=230 – 200 = 30) well instead I use (225-25+gives me 230) (230 – 200+ gives me 30) either way I get the same answer. Or some times I miswrite a number in from the receipt to the Check resister. When we have an argument about something what I am thinking and what I say are 2 different things. I have a hard time expressing my self to him or to anyone I am talking to depending on what the topic is it seems to only happen when I am trying to defend my self about something. Am I the only one that has been going through this? What can I do to help express myself to others better?
We have been married for 12 going on 13 years in March. We have 2 children our son is 12 years old and our daughter is 9. My son does very well in school and my daughter struggles everyday in school I am afraid she inherited my learning disability.
When I was in 3rd grade I was placed in a Special Education class called IU20 It was for kids who struggled in school via handicap, behavior problems and those with learning disabilities. I was in those classes up until I was in 10th grade. Yeah they kept trying to mainstream me once in a while for certain subjects (math, science, social studies) but I always failed. I lived with my grandparents and my father but neither of understood anything about learning disabilities and what kinds of test could and should have been done to figure out what kinds of learning disabilities I have. It was very difficult knowing everyone (kids in school) thought I was stupid, (called me retarded, and dumb) I hardly had any friends because no one wanted to be with someone like me (who could not read or write very well). But my motto is “it’s your loss and not mine because to know me is to love me”. Yes it hurt when the kids always made fun of me and no one wanted to talk to me but some how I made it through life with learning disabilities. I had my son when I was 17 and my daughter when I was 20. After having my children It kept bothering me not knowing what it was all these years that no one could explain to me what my learning disabilities were and why. When I was 21 I got my self-tested to see if I could pin point where I needed to work on more and in what areas. I could never understand why the words always blended together like they were running around the page or always moving, more often in florescent lighting than in sun light. Come to find out its was a form of dyslexia called Scotopic Sensitivity Syndrome other wise known as the Iren syndrome. And some other tests were done as well. I ended up getting glasses and working on more of the areas that were pointed out. So far so good the words don’t seem to move around the page. Between the colored glasses and the changes from white paper to other colors or from other color fonts on a white page. Now when I have to write something for work or at home its always in colors which drives my bosses / husband crazy so I have to remember to change it before I print it out and give it to them. Now I am 29 years old I have gotten my GED and Went to computer school to get my MOUS certificate in Microsoft 2000 in word, excel, access, and power point. I have a good job with the county. I still struggle in every day life but thank god and technology I can do what I have to when it comes to spelling or writing and reading. I have taught my self all kinds of ways to get around what I need to do. Just because I do some things more differently than others it does not mean that it’s not done correctly. I have to keep telling my self that I am not stupid I am smart in other ways. I might not be able to read at a high school level but I get by with my pal spell check and some a friend that proof read my stuff at work and see where I my punctuations are wrong or my words are spelt wrong.
I guess the moral of me writing on this site is that you can achieve in what ever you would like to do with your life with some modifications and some cheats you can do it. I am so glad I took it upon my self to get tested and figure out what areas I need to work harder than others. Once you know what areas you need to work on the rest will follow. I just wish the schools that I went to, would have tested me sooner I might have had a chance to improve in my classes and may have been main streamed if I was pushed and taught in the right areas.