Questions for Adults with ADHD/ADD

I would think some of the reputable books on ADHD would be helpful to you. As for diagnosis, mistakes have been made, but that may not mean that your ex-husband was misdiagnosed.

If he’s satisfied with his life as it is now and if he is not destructive to any children you may have had together, it would seem to be his choice as to what he does. If he’s not satisfied or if there are problems with children, then perhaps a less confrontational therapist could be helpful to him - someone who he can experience as on his side.

As people feel safer in the therapeutic relationship, they can deal with more confrontation. If he leaves when he is confronted, this may indicate the need for someone with greater ability to wait until he is ready to hear more. Particularly if he has had a history of abuse, which is typical in several of the diagnoses that you mentioned, confrontation can be experienced as rejection, narcissistic wounding, and/or abuse. It can create discomfort and the need for denial. To be given a list of personality disorders may not be therapeutic, even if correct.

Thanks, I see your point. Yes, concern for our child together, who was also diagnosed as ADHD is a factor with me. I understand that personality disorders can not be inherited but there are some very big simularities in their behavior. Especially the extent they both go to get attention from others. Very pre- meditated. I do not want to see him in the shape his dad is now if there is anything I can do to help it.

As a generalization, the single classification of medicines most closely associated with the temporary reduction of ADHD symptoms is the central nervous system stimulants/alerting agents (coffee/caffeine compounds/Ritalin/Dexedrine/Adderall etc.).

The ADHD meds do not work for everyone.

For those with attention difficulties where the ADHD meds work/work well, the ability to temporarily pay attention, focus, and concentrate is a real Godsend.

In my view only a small minority of those with attentional difficulties respond strikingly well to the ADHD meds long term; for them, the ADHD meds are the right answer/part of the right answer; for others, other meds/treatments/approaches are for them a better answer. Good luck.

GA Mom,
It is my opinion that noone likes to be told “there’s something wrong with you”
I know I didn’t. Now that I am older, and wiser, I know that I would rather have my genetic ADHD (as horrid as it was growing up with it) than not.
There is a VERY positive book out there…ADD a Different Perspective by Thom Hartmann. After reading this book I felt like God gave me a gift…not a curse. As far as meds go..it’s my belief that the mind/brain is a very very powerful tool. Meds aren’t for me. They were the answer for some of the smaller recipients in the family. As an adult with ADHD I prefer to go the theraputic way. Once a week does wonders. I hope I’ve helped.

TAM

Thanks for the help. My son’s father had told me that his most recent doctor told him that all his problems he previously had and the reason that he was previously diagnosed with muliple personality disorders was from taking all the combination of drugs he had for ADHD. I do not know whether that is just another fabricated story of his or not, I know he use to take depakote and that is what my father is taking now. I thought I would ask to see if anyone had ever heard of that before. Oh yeh, I appreciate the thought about God giving you a gift. That is so true. Everyone is special in one way or another. How would it be if we were all the same?

GA Mom,
Rather than medication, perhaps some good old fashion education could be mentioned to your ex. I found that passing out some really informative books as Christmas presents helped my family out. When the first grandchild was diagnosed with sever ADHD my family acted as though they were just told the child had aids. I had to laugh and ran right to Boarder Books. I told them what I had read…that it was genetic. They looked at me as if I had just accused them of something awful. You can’t dive in like that. So I got them a book with the hopes that would open their eyes for their many grand children with add and in the process…find themselves. Some people aren’t all that receptive. My parents have had the book for almost a year now… Mom’s still on chapter one…and Dad can’t bring his dreamy self to pick up the book. There’s only so much you can do for someone else. Like they say…You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make them drink it. Your exhusband is a lucky guy to have someone that cares as much as you do.

As the Enduring Wife of an ADD adult, I can try to help. My husband was self diagnosed in 1996. The doctor agreed to write his a perscription for Ritalin 10mg. He was up to 60mg per day and wanted just 10mg more to “make it complete”. The doctor refused and cut his perscription off telling my husband that he needed to see a shrink. Well, we did what we had to do and saw a shrink. This woman (the psychologist) diagnosed my husband as Bi-Polar, the man she worked for (the phsychiatrist) put him on Lithium, Wellbutrin and Seroquil. Her counceling was a joke and my husband only saw the shrink twice during a 1 yr period. The woman kept telling my husband that he was bi-polar and not ADD. We knew he wasn’t, we had researched ADD all over the state, asked doctors and nurses, the internet was a great tool for educating ourselves, spoke in chat’s, etc. After a year he quit going and went on with his/our very habitual life. Habitual in the way you make habits to get through the day. Him with his memory games and piles of papers everywhere, me with knowing what to say with what mood he had that day and making his life a simple as I could. We moved after 6 months. Once we moved and had settled in, got jobs and began a new life we decided to try again. We had a great family doctor and we felt as if we could be open with him. We were very frank when we approached him with it and he was very understanding if not sorry for what my husband had went through with the meds taken away. My husband had learned about a new time release drug called Concerta. The doctor agreed to start him out on the 18mg twice a day. For one month he took his pills dilligently, we both could notice suttle changes like before, but no real “clarity”. After the month we went back to confer with the doctor. My husband was terrified that the meds would be taken away again and even though it wasn’t quite strong enough he’d better just take what he had and be happy about it. I told him that it was God’s will this time. We had prayed about this for the longest time and now it was all coming true. The doctor agreed to the 27mg twice a day and wrote a new months perscription. We explained to him together as a team (we always have been a team for 13 years!) the changes, both the good and not so good. Our doctor suggested that we contact Duke University to share my husbands new wealth. We have and continue to find folks that need a little healp along the path. My husband is a new man now. A little freaky for me, because he looks like the man I fell in love with, but he acts and sounds even feels different. Our habits become clearer everyday, the little things. Sad, so sad the way we have patterned our lives to accomodate the big space that ADD took from him/us. I now have the opportunity to share “reality of life” with my husband. Sometimes not unlike a child with his realizations and expression of joy and understanding. We have a new life together once again. I tell him often that he has been given the opportunity to experience a new life. We thank God daily for the opportunity he has given him/us and for bringing us together to endure it all.

Well, I have been hyperactive since I was just a baby. I’m now 24, but back in the day, you were just looked on as having lots of energy. As I got older, I remember always being restless, no matter what I was doing, having trouble with relationships because of my aggressive behavior, etc. Now that I’m a graduate student in special education, looking back I had all of the classic signs of ADHD.
I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 14. I knew there was more to it even then, but my doctor wanted to treat the symptoms. I wanted to get the heart of what was depressing me.
When I turned 18 and started college, I had extreme difficulty in my studies and with my interpersonal relationships. I was always running around like a “whirling dervish”, like my mother would say. After years of visiting 15 different psychologists and psychiatrists alike (I will mention that it’s really hard to find one that you click with), one of them suggested that I may have been misdiagnosed. When I finally visited the neuropsychologist, it was determined after several hours of testing that I had ADHD (hyperactive, impulsive type) and that depression was one of the many possible secondary effects. My parents felt terrible because they felt as though they should have known something like this. The neuropsychologist was the one who took the time to interview both of my parents, had questions for my friends and even some of my professors- I was happy to finally have a reason for my behavior.
After that time, I was put on medication that worked for me. I took Adderall for a good while, but then I started to hallucinate and then there was a study done that concluded that anyone over the age of 17 should not take Adderall. Gee, that would have been nice to know, but at least I found out as quickly as I did. I am currently taking Effexor(for the depression) and Ritalin(for the hyperactivity). I only take the Ritalin on weekdays when I have school. I am a special education teacher and many of my students have the OHI labeling on their coding for special ed. I’m glad that I’m able to work with other students that have some of the same difficulties that I have. We work on behavior modifications and all kinds of neat tricks to help them with their schoolwork. I wish that someone had been able to show me some of these things when I was younger. In a way, though, I’m glad that things happened the way that they did simply because I was really ready for the diagnosis of ADHD when I was 18. It wasn’t to be used as an excuse for me, but rather my mind is much more at ease now knowing that I have a reason for my behaviors sometimes- please note that I didn’t say excuse. Most of my friends don’t even know about this side of me, but I do smile a little to myself anytime one of them remarks about how hyper I can be at times.
As for your ex- husband, I will say that the hardest thing to see is when someone you care about doesn’t want to notice that there is a problem. You can try as hard as you can, but in the end, they have to be the ones to say that their behavior is destructive and that they have to get help. The most you can do for that is pray for them.