I have ADD. I have a son (15) with ADD. His mother is moved to Toranto a year ago and I don’t get to see much of him anymore. I want to write him a letter of advice for dealing with the envitable problems he will encounter thoughout his life. As a 40 year old man I have had more then my share of ADD related failures and triumphs but I thought that you all might also have some good insights. So sit back a recall your 15 year old ADD self. What would you like to have told that kid? What advice could have saved you a lot of pain and frustration? I am sending this baby out tomarrow so if you have some good stuff, post it quick! Thanks so much
-jordan
Re: SOS!! I need your advice
I think the most important thing I wish I had heard is that whatever failures (or accomplishments) might lie ahead, I had people behind me who would be there, and not judge me by them. That success or failure in any given area(s) does not define who I am or my worth. That any weaknesses, or failures that come with them, are more than balanced by the strengths and gifts we have. Success just means finding your gifts and figuring out where to use them.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote:
What lies behind us and
what lies before us
are small matters
compared to what lies within us
Re: SOS!! I need your advice
I wish someone would have told me to think through my actions becuase just saying things to people, that I wasnt a lazy girl who was “gifted” and that all my energy would be good for something some day. These three things about my ADD probably hurt the most although i just found out why I was the way i was
If I was writing the type of letter I would have wanted to get, I wouldn’t focus on disability. I would focus on my caring for my child and my wish to be a source of support. I would communicate availability if he wanted to communicate, to answer questions, to provide assistance, etc. Perhaps I’d tell him that since he has ADHD, I’d been thinking about sending him a letter with some of the things that I’ve learned because of my own ADHD.
Neither you nor your son is only ADHD. I’m sure you have a lot to teach him that has nothing to do with ADHD. I would suggest not allowing ADHD to be the basis of the relationship.
Also, have you asked yourself why you need to send a letter about ADHD to your son by tomorrow? Sounds like ADHD impulsivity to me. I would suggest sending a shorter letter first and giving yourself time to think through what you want to say should you wish to write a long letter about ADHD.