very new to my "disorder"....

Mike —

Congratulations! You have taken a big step in acknowledging and seeking help for your disorder. I’m not being facetious — that was a really big step and you have saved yourself an enormous amount of pain and heartache as a result. The road ahead is still not an easy one in the beginning, but the first steps are the most difficult.

I know this because my husband has ADHD. He is 42 years old and it took me 5 years of asking, begging, pleading, nagging, ignoring, and threatening to leave before he was willing to be tested — to prove me wrong. He fought me every step of the way, and was deeply in denial, thinking IF he did have ADHD, HE could fix it on his own.

He went for the testing (it took a second, well qualified ADHD center to administer sound, qualified, well rounded testing, which summarized in what areas he needed the most help).

He was placed on an Rx regimen of Concerta and Wellbutrin, which he messed with in the beginning — to see if I’d notice when he was and wasn’t taking them. Finally, he admitted that he noticed a huge difference when he was taking them consistently and has been ever since.

The only thing I haven’t been able to get him to do is the follow-up on behavior modification, to unlearn all of the coping mechanisms he developed over the years. These issues are the only things that still arise as points of contention between us.

Other than that, he has now “rejoined society” — he has normal conversations, he no longer bursts into instant rages, he usually remembers things he’s told, he is rarely late for anything (and gets irritated now if I am!), he is fun, and happy. He doesn’t fall asleep on the couch 5 minutes after sitting down. He comes home and acts like normal men, eating dinner, playing with the kids, and coming to bed to go to sleep.

Prior to diagnosis, he had 1 failed marriage (almost 2), numerous failed relationships, several different careers that ended “as someone else’s fault”, high credit card debt, with that next big break “just around the corner”, few good, close friends, and a family that didn’t understand. I practically dragged him into the diagnosis, reminding him that I wasn’t leaving like the others did, but wasn’t willing to stay as things were.

He knew the truth, but the macho thing got in the way and he couldn’t understand that it wasn’t a mental thing, it was a chemical, neurological thing. Now he takes advantage of his ‘out of the box’ creativity, but keeps his impulsive behaviour in check most of the time.

It’s often a part of his daily chore, but his life is much better as a result. So work through all of the issues and figure out ways to turn around the bad parts either through meds or behavior modification. Your family, friends, and future relationships will benefit almost as much as you.

I wish you really good luck and please know that you haven’t moved to the ‘dark side’, you’ve just danced into the light…it’s a whole new world that has opened up for you so make the most of it. Don’t hide it from new relationships once you are involved, fess up and ask for their support. If they like/love/are interested in you, they will want to be your champion.

Have a great new life!

Jennifer

Thanks for your honest confessions about your struggles. I have been discovering these things in myself for the last few years. Very painful to see the broken relationships. It is really easy to take to much of the blame but also easy to be in denial.

Mike,

Congrats!!! I know how much courage it takes to admit to having ADHD. Especially being an adult. Now time for the next big step…. Living your life knowing that you have ADHD and handling all the aspects of it.

I know that its not an easy task to do by any means. I have been living with ADHD for 13 years now, I was diognosed when I was 8 years old. I have tried many different medications through out the years and had many struggles in school and with relationships.

Now, I am 21, finishing my jr of college and finally found a medication that works for me. Still dealing with the relationship aspect though. The past 13 years have not been a piece of cake by any means. Though looking back on them and seeing all of the obsticles that I have overcome I realize that it has only made me stronger. I know that there are many more obsticles to overcome in the years ahead of me but I am ready for them.

If there are two things that I would share as advice that I have learned is one dont be ashamed of having ADHD. Its part of you, and if there are people who cant accept that then you dont need them in your life. Having ADHD is not a death sentence, its just looking at life a little differently then the rest of the world. I see it as a blessing! Another piece of advice would be to watch the amount of alcohol you consume. Many of the medications that are used to treat ADHD do not react well to alcohol at all. Not to mention the addiction factor that is there as well.
I wish you all the best in seeing all that the world has to offer you in a different light. There will be struggles along the way but just remember that you are not alone in dealing with this at all. There are plenty of other people out there who are living in the same light as you and we are here for support.
Fellow Supporter,
Amy