I’ve been this way as long as I can remember. I did terrible in school, did okay in college but didn’t finish, and now I am struggling at work. I work for a software company as a director in visual communications. I am a hard working person and what I mean by that is I work twice as hard as an average person to get the simplest thing done. I feel my boss has lost confidence in my abilities.
Everyday is hell to me. I have not felt happy for a long time and wonder why I am even here.
My problem is that I can not communicate well. Hmm. Well, everytime I talk to someone, I have in my mind what I want to say but I end up sort of stumbling over my words. In a sense, I sound like Yoda. My grammer is incorrect and I have a hard time explaining the simplest things.
My boss doesn’t understand what I am explaining to him and my family tend to make fun of me most of the time — especially my stepfather.
I wish I knew what my problem is so I can fix it. I don’t even know if it is fixable. For example, I am typing you an explanation of my problem now and I am backspacing and retyping and backspacing 3 to 5 times before I am actually able to articulate what I want to say.
If I were talking to you, I would talk to you as if I was skimming a book or sometimes repeat myself as I am making corrections to what I was saying to you.
Doesn’t make sense right? Maybe I’m an unique case.
I feel like blaming this on my stepfather. I feel he has contributed to my problem a great deal but I can’t prove it. He was very abusive (mentally) when I was a child. He use to feed me beer so I would pass out and go to sleep. My mom told me that he only did that for one year before the school system reported suspicion of child abuse. Of course, I didn’t know this until recently and I am 34 years old.
But the real thing that haunts me is the way he, my sister, my boss, and other people respond to me when I open my mouth.
If there is a name for my problem I wish to knew what it is and slap it in my step dad’s face. I wish so much to be released from this torture.
If there is anyone out there that has the same problem, I would like to hear from you. I hope I am not the only one that is having this problem.
Re: What is wrong with me?
[quote=”Anonymous”]Contact your local Vocational Rehabilitation agency.
Probably listing under your states name, under state department of
labor.[/quote]
Avoid Voc Reahb like the plague.
It sound like you have some neurological issues and some psychological ones. That is good new and bad news. Yoou can fix the psychological ones. You can’t fix the neurological ones. If someome tells you that you can they are either wrong or they are lying.
I would say start acing like a prick to people and intimidate them. That way you win and they lose.
Re: What is wrong with me?
I’m sorry you had to face this. Family should be the ones we look to for support but sometimes it just isn’t there. I’m so pleased you haven’t become jaded and hard like your family. I admire you for that.
Since you are employed, I’m assuming you have insurance? You may wish to go to a therapist to get support on the family issue. I’d also suggest LD testing. Sometimes it is covered by insurance, sometimes not.
The value in that is the recommendations a professional would be able to make.
Take care,
I agree with bgb but..
Is this the kinda thing where you just purely have problems articulating with regards to speaking and written? Like, problems with written expression? I think a neurophyschologist testing would be the most kosher thing for you to do. But, like maybe a neurologist consult as well? Maybe you have a brain issue (and I do not know of anyway to put that different because I am no doctor, honey). Like, I have no real temporal lobes (I am over exagerating) becuase I had water on the brain as an infant, so my math skills and whatnot are kinda bad and I am really slow with that. Maybe a part of your brain that helps you articulate is harmed? Maybe you have an l.d. Either way, use your health insurance to get real live doctor help, alright?
How the heck ever…you read this right here…
But, do not let the fact (and I am not trying to put you down) that you may not sound like everyone else when you speak hold your rear back at all. Stand tall, look people in the eye, and say whatever you need to say as occasion warrants. Look at Troy Garity, he is the most handsome gentleman in the movie Barbershop II (he is the white dude) and he was in the movie Soldier’s Girl, he is very attractive, very good at his acting, and Jane Fonda’s son to boot (so you know he has good genes
for acting) and he has a speech impediment, Jane Fonda even did an interview saying it took years for him to learn to speak like how so called regular folks do. And this is an actor, you know? Earning pay acting, even. So, never let the manner in which you speak or comprehend spoken language stop you from conversing with others or anything like that. Just say the heck with it and do what you need to do. And you be darned sure to look people in the eye and stand tall when you do it. I speak really slowly becuase I had a heck of a slur when I was a young gal and still have a bit of one. And I do not give a darn, man. But of course I live in the American South where we just do all things slow! Keep us all in touch after you see yourself a real live medical doctor, honey. :D
feelings....hat's going on....
Hello.
Wynona, I am sorry you have had a bad experience with
Vocational Rehab Agency. In my experience, when you deal with
any agency (even a doctor), keep note of what they do, and how
they perform, and how they assist you. If they goof up, tell their boss!
Lei —
It is important to be tested for Learning Disabilities, as well as
other Neurologic Disorders. If there is a local University Hospital, or
State Medical College or School nearby ( within 25 miles ), then it
would be good to see if they can test you.
Medicaid can sometimes pay for testing/re-testing of Learning Disabilities
( LD ) . Talk to a __GOOD__ “family practice” doctor, and also
see if you qualify for LD testing.
getting tested
I’d suggest a speech pathologist. It would cheaper than a neuropsychologist. check what your insurance would cover - an educational psychologist could do the testing for you as well but the least expensive therapy for your issue would be with a speech pathologist.
Local community colleges can be a good resource sometimes too. consider telling them you’re thinking of taking courses there and use that as a way to talk to one of their guidance counselors about your issue and getting tested for it. do you have a family doctor to get some advice from?
Does your family make fun of everyone in the family or just you? Either way I’d go to the person in your family that has the most sense - not your stepfather - and start the ball rolling on getting the ridicule stopped. Some famiies do these things without being aware that it’s bothering you. Have you ever let them know you don’t like it?
Good luck.
Re: What is wrong with me?
Family or not, if they’re bringing you down it’d be best to stay away from them. Not everyone on this planet is like that. They say genius forces its environment to adapt to it, instead of the other way around.
As far as fixing LD’s is concerned it’s possible, per se. What I mean by this is that it can be compensated for. For instance, I used to have terrible spelling and grammar as a child, but I’ve learned to use my gifts to overcome it. As Socrates taught, even though we may never know the answers to all the big questions we should still at least try to. The same can be said for having an LD. Don’t just give up.
Finally, as far as your stepfather is concerned, he seems like a moron to put it bluntly. Has he even been to college? I doubt it. I’m sorry he drugged you as a kid; I know I’d be upset if my father did that to me as well. My mother was psychologically abusive to me too. I’ve since then completely disassociated myself with her and her entire side of the family. People like this will never admit they’re wrong; the best way to get your revenge is to live life well.
Re: What is wrong with me?
[quote=”Misanthropist”]Family or not, if they’re bringing you down it’d be best to stay away from them. Not everyone on this planet is like that. They say genius forces its environment to adapt to it, instead of the other way around.
As far as fixing LD’s is concerned it’s possible, per se. What I mean by this is that it can be compensated for. For instance, I used to have terrible spelling and grammar as a child, but I’ve learned to use my gifts to overcome it. As Socrates taught, even though we may never know the answers to all the big questions we should still at least try to. The same can be said for having an LD. Don’t just give up.
Finally, as far as your stepfather is concerned, he seems like a moron to put it bluntly. Has he even been to college? I doubt it. I’m sorry he drugged you as a kid; I know I’d be upset if my father did that to me as well. My mother was psychologically abusive to me too. I’ve since then completely disassociated myself with her and her entire side of the family. People like this will never admit they’re wrong; the best way to get your revenge is to live life well.[/quote]
DITTO!
Thank You for responding!
Thank you everybody for your thoughts and feedback. There were some very good advice and very comforting suggestions.
Merlinjones, I especially agree with you. You are right, I need to say what ever the heck I want to, but at the same time I have something in me that pulls, more like jerks me back.
Wynona, that is the very reason why I entered this message board. I have been acting like a prick to people and I hate the fact that I am. I’ll give you an example. When I am in a meeting at work and I start talking about an issue without being prepared— more like practicing for this meeting. I tend to say something and take it back then studder a little - people start to make faces and then I get angry. After the meeting, I start acting like a prick to everyone in the building then I feel guilty, and finally depressed. In my eyes its a vicious cycle. I have had people call me Master Yoda at work. I wish that was a compliment because I love Yoda in Star Wars but we all know what that really means.
I think I have an idea what is wrong with me. Now, its time to do something about it. I am looking into professional help. If I am diagnosed (spelling) with something then I will have a long talk with my family, boss, and coworkers. Already, I feel the life long burden has lifted. I just hope I can really fix my problem. I’ve been tolerating this problem for so long, I just don’t know if it is fixable. I have hope.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me. I do really appreciate it.
Misanthropist, I think you said it best,”The best revenge is to live life well”.
Re: What is wrong with me?
Be careful in what professional help you seek. If you believe you have good common sense trust your instincts. I don’t believe there is really any professional help for LD. So in seeking it you may become very disapointed when you find there is really no practical help available.
Keep in mind that when you are in a meeting and you need to adress the group everyone there wants you to do well. Try slowing down and relaxing. Put it in perspective.
Contact your local Vocational Rehabilitation agency.
Probably listing under your states name, under state department of
labor.