BATTLE OVER MEDS

Hi, I think you should repost this on the Parenting a Child with ADHD board. This one is for LD. You shoudl get more responses on the other board.

Janis

Unfortuntely, she will only get spammed on the ADHD board. Have you seen what is going on over there lately?

I no longer go there although it had been helpful in the past. Real questions are lost in the endless links and cut and paste to anti-med boards. I don’t mind real people discussing real issues but then you get twenty “new” posters all within minutes of each other posting the same data drowning everyone else out, it is time to go.

[quote=”LUKA2”]My 7 year old daughter has recently been diagnosed with ADHD.I was wondering if any of you had battles over to medicate with your other half.My husband just will not discuss this option.It is really putting a wedge in our marriage.Our daughter is so loving,funny, assertive and very observant.

She is already having anxiety issues,some of us believe,do to her inability to stay focused.I would hate to see her esteem suffer.

Also,what kind of classroom arrangements should I request at my next meeting with the school team?

Thanks,
LUKA2[/quote]

If you need information on medication for ADHD, go to www. ADHD.com medication board. The parents there are very helpful and have alot of knowledge of medication and have been where you are.

The Ldonline Parenting ADHD children board is useless and have been destroyed by the anti-med group. Barb is right, there is no point asking any questions there especially about medication.

Good Luck

Unfortunately, Barb is right. The Parenting ADHD children board has taken on a different tone. One that isn’t helpful at all to people wanting honest answers. Whether or not to medicate still remains to be a parental decision and ought to be made along with consultation from the doctor.
Everyone has a right to express an opinion but when one expresses it on the parenting ADHD children board, as brb stated, within minutes a poster begins to post links that have little to do with providing one with an objective point of view. heaven forbid should one point out the fact, that the authors of the articles are just expressing an opinion.
I wonder if there is really anything that LDonline can do about it.

My husband and I agreed about medication for our child, but I have friend whose husband was adamantly opposed to medications. What worked for her was educating herself and her husband about medications for ADHD. The NIMH multimodal study is a good start, as is the American Academy of Pediatrics guideline for diagnosing and treating ADHD. Take a look at Schwab Learning online for some real basic information about various medications. The truth of the matter is that there is a wealth of information out there that is far different from the ridiculous stuff you read in the paper about ADHD. I think it is very understandable that a person who has not done the research would believe the misinformation that is broadcast about zombie children and the like. What is it that concerns your spouse? If you can figure out his specific concerns, you should be able to find research that answers those concerns. I think you will find that there are questions that remain about medication, mainly in the area of whether they are safe and effective for very long term use. The longest published study on stimulant use was only 14 months. There are also questions about whether the medications improve academic performance. So far there has not been enough research to say whether academics improve on medication. Also, most of the outcry has been against stimulant meds, but Strattera, a new treatment for ADHD, is not a stimulant. The research on Strattera is really just beginning, but there have been studies done showing that it is effective in reducing ADHD symptoms.

Andrea

I think men, in general, have a more difficult time accepting a perceived imperfection in their children. Somehow, in the male mind, there is a “no way could a child of mine…….”

I suppose it is a variant of how women want to find what THEY did wrong to cause ‘it’. Was it the glass of wine before I knew I was pregnant? The tylenol table I took in my 8th month?

I work in Early Intervention and, 9 times out of 10, its harder for the dad to come to terms with the problem.

Its a process IMO and perhaps he just needs more time. He most likely has not been as involved in the dr vists as you have and is still digesting.

My own DH went along with the meds decision but made it quietly clear he didnt believe it for a moment. Its only been in the last 6-8 months he has accepted that yes, there is more here than “he just needs to try harder” DS was diagnosed 2 yrs ago

Get him more involved with the dr visits-print out info from the net and stick it in the bathroom. Let him deal with more of the school issues that are bound to arise(I know a mom who refused to talk to the teachers about discipline anymore-talk to my husband-heres his work number :P )

Men, in general, seem to stay in denial a lot longer. My husband thought I was a complete “nut case” for having my daughter evaluated. It was just a “waste of money”

When the report came back and said she was a very bright child his response was, “See, I told you.” When I continued to read …”severe specific learning disabilities in all academic areas and significant processing delays both visual and auditory.” He look incredulous and said, “It says THAT?” (Duh, yeah, like I made it up)

Honestly, he still hasn’t read the complete evaluation. He attends IEP meetings but leaves most of the LD issues to me.

I didn’t even ask re: the meds, I just did it. He never complained and it has made SUCH a difference.

I am sorry I did not know there was a problem on the ADHD board. I stick to the LD boards so I was not aware of that.

I am another mom who handles the educational issues. I suppose it has something to do with the fact I’m a teacher and my husband is just happy for me to take care of it. And I am really not sure he has read our child’s reports either, come to think of it.

Leah has the right idea about the meds! Just fill the prescription if you want to try it. I’ve never before asked my husband before filling a prescription for the kids!

Seriously, though, there is really nothing very dangerous about a trial of medication. Nothing obligates you to keep it up if it doesn’t help. I’d be tempted to not tell the school, though, just to see if they can tell a difference without the bias of knowing she is on meds.

Janis

My husband would have a fit if I put one of our kids on medication for ADD without his consent. And yes, I too do most of the work and yes, I don’t think he has ever read the reports either.

You might look into alternative therapies. We faced the same issue with our son. My husband agreed to consider medication if Interactive metronome didn’t help our son enough. My husband was swayed by the truth of the statement that our son struggles so much that we owed him whatever help was possibily available to him. As it turned out, IM made a huge difference for him and none of his teachers rated him as inattentive anymore (including one who had him both before and after).

Beth

I agree with Beth. My husband would have a cow if I medicated our son without his consent. He has also never read a single report and I do make most of the decisions about his education. I do discuss major decisions with him first though.
I don’t see med trials as an appropriate route to diagnosis nor do I consider that approach harmless. At the very least meds can mask the symptoms to underlying processing deficits that can be successfully treated if you start while the child is young.

I have discussed meds with my husband and he was adamantly opposed. In a way this was helpful because when all the therapy bills start rolling in he can’t argue. It is all being done to avoid meds. We also experienced significant progress with interactive metronome and will most likely avoid meds entirely.

My husband had similar problems to my son as a child. He is a successful well adjusted adult who never experienced meds.

I am not completely against meds but I do think they need to be taken seriously with consent of both parents.

My husband would just say, “Do whatever you think”, Re: the meds. So I did. Made a huge difference.

We didn’t do IM or FFW. Still spending those dollars on OG.

But I also have that child who, when you tell her to empty the dishwaster (without the meds) would start and end up in her bathroom brushing her hair. or during homework would be working on her worksheet 1 minute and in the living room painting her toenails the next.

I’m NOT trying to be funny. This is reality.

Wasn’t a problem with knowing the work. SHe could answer every question if you ask her 1 by 1.

SHe only takes them during the school year, tutoring, and if she’s riding a bike (safety). I think for the safety of others, she SHOULD use them if she’s driving a car….

This is a child who at 7 they didn’t believe she would EVER be able to drive a car.

We don’t take them during the Summer b/c I can say 15 times to go back and empty the dishwasher.

Sure hope she marries a very patient man!

Leah,

That was my son before Interactive Metronome. He just isn’t that child anymore. He is even getting a little chubby. He used to be a rail because he never stopped moving. He couldn’t get himself dressed in the morning unless I went upstairs several times to reiterate all the steps in the process. Now, he gets himself dressed and does his homework mostly by himself.

He is working on a very difficult visual perception puzzle that his vision therapist gave him. He gets frustrated, grunts and groans but persists to finish.

Well then, you already knew what he would say. I think that is different than putting a child on meds when dh has clearly said no or you suspect that is what he would say. My husband is the type who doesn’t take aspirin even when he has a headache so I just had a feeling meds wouldn’t appeal to his sensibilities.

We may still end up there. Nathan’s issues have a huge processing component (remediation has had a major impact on attention) but my mom intuition says that there is ADD there too. I think that the question is whether it can be managed well without meds. So far we’re doing OK but we may hit a wall later. I have heard of kids who did OK until the demands of middle school, for example. And I wonder if he would pay attention more when he reads if he was medicated or if his inattention is just a natural response to something that is difficult.

Beth

You know, I have heard wonderful things about IM. I wish I could afford it too, but she would probably “balk” considering she’s going on 11. I think we’re at the “this is as good as it gets” place. SHe probably could have used a little language therapy early on, but we missed that boat too, and she has a mild articulation problem (Like she told me today about a boy who got expended from school (instead of suspended). I said, “You mean suspended?” “Yeah, whatever” was her reply.

Her reading comprehension is really good, that’s the thing I’m most thankful for and her good social skills. Self confidence is high - which can take you a lot of places “expended” can’t :-)

I wasn’t familiar with IM or FFW early on. Her speech was good - well, compared to everything else. Honestly, I thought it was a “low IQ” problem.

The meds made a huge difference. It was hard to decide, but when I saw the difference I was “sold”. She was all of a sudden able to “show” her knowledge. I’ll never forget her teacher saying, “A lot of kids today are medicated that don’t need it, a lot have behavior problems and parents are giving them meds, in fact, there’s 1 doctor in town if you walk in his office you come out with a prescription. But having said all that, I can tell you - you’re daughter cannot focus!” This was a teacher who was very knowledgeable about LD, had attended many conferences, etc., out-of-pocket and whom I trusted.

I tried it. Her evaluator was shocked (Jami did and does great 1:1 for testing b/c she likes to “show off”.)

Re: getting things done around the house, she has a “chart”. It is so detailed it is almost “babyish”, but it works. She checks off brush teeth, brush hair, feed cat, etc., etc.. She loves it, gets to check off each item and she can get it done. My goal is independence - even if that means using a chart - instead of Jami did you brush your teeth, hair, etc., it’s have yhou finished your chart?

Sometimes I go to my 14 year old son and say, “THank you, thank you that I can say go get ready for school and YOU CAN”. :)

Leah,

I love reading about your daughter. She sounds like such a card. She is just one of those kids who is going to OK, despite her disabilities, because of her attitude. Nathan compenstated early too. I think that we sometimes miss how disabiled they are by their ways of getting around things. He would watch everybody since he never knew what was going on! He also was a very difficult preschooler and I realize now it was SID. He was diagnosed with SID at age 7, although he had also outgrown a lot of his very difficult behaviors by then. His problems were vestibular mainly—I was discouraged by the lack of tactile diagnosis—the socks had driven me nuts. I figured if it was SID we could do something about it!! But was told it was really his weak fine motor skills that were the issue—couldn’t get the socks like he liked them!! Now at 10, with much better fine motor skills and more maturity, socks are no longer an issue.

If you ever get to the place where you have the dollars to spend, I don’t think IM is a hard sell and does fit her profile well. It is a limited time duration and here it has even been used in high schools. One of the parochial high schools used it with their foot ball team. I heard that the Dophins even did it. (the corporate offices are in my town). It is being offerred in a group situation at my kid’s school for a nominal fee ($250) but Nathan could never have done it that way. They are getting good results and carry over to school.

Beth

I do think there is a time when you get to that place where you just focus on the strengths to get around the deficits. We aren’t there yet.

I met a lady who was doing some painiting in my house. She was going on about her daughter who is starting college in the fall. She was accepted to Julliard and Berkelely school of music. She mentioned her daughter is gifted. I said, “We have had our struggles with school.” She said, “Oh, my daughter is dyslexic, she couldn’t read or write for years. She totaled 800 on her SATs but the music programs know that many of these creative kids are dyslexic so they don’t even look at SATs.” This girl has been chosen to study with the head of Julliard because she was recommended by the president of a music label. This ladies advice to me, “Just find his gift and avoid sped at all costs.”

Is it just fate that I keep meeting people like this?

Unfortunately, I know no less than 6 parents who have had area schools wanting to have their kids put on Ritilan.

Of these people 2 absolutely refused and their kids now 5-6 grade are doing fine. The other 4 families had to pay for private schools.

I don’t want to start some big arguement here. I just truly believe everything possible should be tried before giving children drugs of anykind.

Board kids can also act out like they are hyper active, or kids having learning difficulty to get the focus off the problem.

Linda F -

Jami couldn’t keep time with music if you put a gun to her head - that’s why I think IM might really help

Marion, you’re right. We did 1-1/2 years of LMB and 1 yr of SI OT b4 starting the meds. She wrote 1 sentence prior to meds and 1 paragraph after.

Also, she can recall math facts much faster if she’s on the meds. I HONESTLY believe she is ADD Inattentive. I ALWAYS tell people that meds are the “hotel of last resort”. We’ve been lucky. 1 medication, low dosage, no side effects. I’m hoping puberty will change something. Also, I can’t imagine her being able to drive a car without them.