Child lacks motivation

Has anyone mentioned to you that you might want to have your child tested for a non-verbal learning disability? He seems to have a number of the signs. You can check out the articles on this website on NLD or visit www.NLDontheweb.org or www.NLDline.com for more information.

Karen

First of all, don’t give up and try not to get too frustrated when he resists. I made that mistake. It only escalates the problem. Accept that you will most likely not have the amount of desire that you would like him to have. Take what you can get for now and try to slowly improve his weak skills. As his skills improve and he learns to compensate you will most likely see some improvement in motivation.

Ask his teacher or a special education teacher in your school for information about improving and/or compensating for these issues. If they do not want to help, use the library system to find books that will give you techniques to help. Some school districts have resource centers for parents to find information such as this. Then, find a subject area that is of great interest to him - nature, science, construction vehicles, etc. Try to apply the techniques using areas that interest him the most. Try to make it a game. Make it fun! Remember, people resist what is very hard for them. Although lego’s look like fun for you and me, they are the worst nightmare for children such as ours.

For activities that must be done try the following: If he likes a time challenge, set a timer and see if he can perform the task within a time frame. Don’t expect it to be perfect. It won’t be. But try to get some improvement with each try. If he doesn’t work well with timing, try to give him other goals and rewards to get the job done. Once he gets used to doing it well, make the goal higher to get the reward.

Let your child know that you understand that there are area’s that are difficult for him. Let him know that you expect his best from him, but also understand that sometimes the best he can give is nothing at all. There were days that just sitting at the table and putting a homework assignment in from of my son was just too overwhelming. Now for the most part, we can get the homework completed with resistance, but it has taken years to get to this point.

Also, if you have not had him tested, please do so as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I knew there was a problem. The teachers didn’t think there was a problem because his school work was not suffering too severly. They blamed it on age (which it very well could have been). I didn’t know what to do about it, and it took 3 years to have my son tested.

I am wondering what evauations he’s had, and what has been suggested for him in terms of therapy?

My guess is that Balametrics would be helpful (http://www.balametrics.com) for processing speed and visual perceptual skills. It’s easy to do at home and tends to be fun, so it doesn’t involve as much teeth-pulling as some other approaches.

Audiblox would also likely be very helpful (http://www.audiblox2000.com).

Lack of motivation is often the direct result of frustration. “Learned helplessness” is a well-known phenomenon among LD kids. Basically, they stop trying because everything is hard for them and they figure they are going to fail anyway.

My approach would be to aggressively address his sensory/motor level problems first. This would involve occupational therapy (has he had an eval?), Balametrics, as much gymnatics and swimming as possible, walking, running, scooters, skates, etc. I would also use Audiblox (about $80 for book, video and starter kit of manipulatives at http://www.audiblox2000.com) to work on cognitive skills development.

Your son sounds an awful lot like a 13yo boy I worked with this school year. This 13yo was diagnosed with auditory processing problems, and some sound therapy and Balametrics were helpful. If you haven’t looked at the NeuroNet website (http://www.neuroacoustics.com), it would be a good idea to go there and read about how auditory processing disorders can affect vestibular development (rhythm, balance, coordination, processing speed) and negatively impact the ability to learn. You might also want to consider getting a CAPD eval.

Mary

I do think he may have NLD/Asperger’s. He has an eval scheduled , but it won’t be for many months. If he does have one of these diagnoses, what do you do in terms of developing self-motivation?

Thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes working with him is so excruciating, a combination of frustration and fear for his future.

Thanks Mary. When he’s eight I can get him a CAPD eval in my state. He has excellent phonics skills. Does that preclude CAPD as a diagnosis? He hates doing any group athletic activity, but my insurance is actually (knock wood) going to pay for two sessions of OT a week this summer. Do you think Balametrics would be good on top of that, or would it be overload. I’ll definitely look into Aaudiblox. How do you think this system could help him?

Fact is he could be a number of labels. He also sounds like my two boys. Both are very good readers. My oldest prefered reading karate manuals in 2nd grade over the “accelerated reader program” books. really threw things for everyone,because there was no computerized post test for these books. He MUST read the books on the list to get credit and win a prize. The teacher finally gave in a made post tests for these books,because frankly,my kid wouldn’t read one on the list,he didn’t want to.
My oldest’s profile is this: Dysgraphic,written language disability,math disorder,Gifted,and ADHD.
He is very charming intelligent boy. He has poor social skills,he has poorly legible writing,he doesn’t seem to be able to stay on task for more than 3or 4 minutes at a time,has visual processing problems,is implusive,creative,and has poor motivation to do “school”work.
My youngest : Dysgraphic,CAPD,SID(sensory intergration disorder),ADHD,Gifted.
This is another very charming intelligent boy. He also has poor social skills,is clumsy,poor motor planning,virtually illegible hand writing,auditory processing problems,on task problems,impulsive,and extremely unmotivated to do “school” work.

The point to all of this? Well here are two more kids,they have some of the same labels,and some are not,both appear unmotivated. I don’t think you will ever find an LD kid,motivated to do “school” work.

Here is what I did. I finally came to terms with what my kids CAN do. In one aspect these guys were overwhelmed with the amount of work they were given to do. Of course they were unmotivated,.How does a kid with math problems and visual processing problems ,find the problem in the book,rewrite it on his paper,then look up and down and add the numbers,carry,then add these numbers,while looking down,and write the answer?Heck,I wouldn’t want to do this either. Talk about fighting a losing battle. One problem was a 10-15 minute fiasco,and then another one?! Don’t forget this is the kid who has severe on task problems. Put him a PC,to pay “mathblaster”,was on the difference in the world.

I know I am rambling,I apologize,I guess the point I want to make is this: Start with what you KNOW he can do. If it is one problem,then you only do one.You start from there.
If he is LD,he will not appear to the rest of the world like he is motivated,he isn’t.If left in his shoes,who really would be?
You need the evals,but focus on the specific processing problems and not the label.This in the long run,will shed more light in how to best help him.

You’ve gotten good advice and if you’re going to have your son tested, you get sone more insight. I would only say what you already know - some children are more challenging to parent than others - and what you might not know - children can change dramatically.

At age 5 my son was unintelligible. His “speech” could not be understood by anyone except myself and a caring preschool teacher. 12 years later he successfully attends a well-known college and seems headed toward a pleasantly successful life. He talks now too.

There path from there to here wasn’t always smooth by any means but what you see for your son now doesn’t have to be what he’ll get later on. A lot can change especially as he clearly has a caring and concerned mother .

Good luck.

I’m not sure if good phonics skills rules out CAPD. There’s a list of CAPD subprofiles at http://pages.cthome.net/cbristol/ (click on “links”, and it is about the 4th article down). You might check there to see if there’s a close fit or not.

I think Balametrics would be good, in addition to OT. It’s easy to do at home and only takes about 20 minutes a day. What I observed with the 13yo is that it seemed to help quite a bit with processing speed. My bet is it helps with other areas too, after it is done for awhile. Balametrics works on sensory/motor level development.

Audiblox develops a wide variety of cognitive skills, and generally gives a boost to most kids — not just for reading, but for visual processing, pattern recognition, logic and reasoning, etc. Whenever there is a developmental lag on the sensory/motor level (the poor motor development you are seeing), there is also going to be a lag in development of cognitive skills — because cognitive skills build on a foundation of sensory/motor development. Audiblox provides exercises targeted at developing cognitive skills fairly quickly.

Mary

I’m going to order today.

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I needed them. Today I just felt so angry at him. All he wanted to do was sit or lean and stare. Now if I said, let’s play a game he would, but it has to be my impulse. He just doesn’t care to move on his own without a major push from someone else.

I don’t know enough about Asperger’s to know how it presents in very young children, though I believe they are likely to show more extreme social problems at an early age than NLD kids typically do, and are less likely to be very verbal at an unusually early age.

In terms of self motivtion, keep in mind that very few completely normal kids that young have much “self motivation” in the terms we think of as adults. If it’s motivation to have their perceived needs met, (like that candy bar in the grocery store) a toddler can be very motivated. (resulting tantrum) If you mean motivation to do well at a task that adults think the child “should” do, any “motivation” that develops is not really internal motivation but a desire to please an adult they like and respect.

With NLD children, what appears on the surface to be a lack of motivation is actually quite different, although from the adult perspective, the results are the same… the child does not comply with whatever is requested of them. First, there is the problem with non-verbal communication, and resulting misunderstandings. If you ask a NT child, “Would you like to set the table for me?” The child will understand that this is a polite way of saying that you expect the job to be done. An NLD child will look you in the eye and say, “No.” They are not being ornery, they really believe that you were asking a question.

Second is the fact that their visual/spatial and motor deficits often get in their way. In my son’s case, it is more the visual/spatial than motor, which makes it harder to realize what is going on. They also often have problems with sequencing, so any multi-step request becomes overwhelming. When he was little, (even in Kindergarten) the request, “get dressed for school” was completely overwhelming, and would cause him to shut down and accomplish nothing. “Put on your pants” was only slightly less confusing, since he still had to figure out which way they went on, how to get them over his feet, etc. These kids need to be taught verbally, step by step LOTS of times before they can internalize these steps and do them on their own. (but they DO eventually learn all this stuff)

When they get into school, they are easily overwhelmed, and the response is to shut down and do nothing. Our neuropsychologist likened it to a “rabbit in the headlights”. They just freeze. Then they are repeatedly told that they could be doing better, that they aren not paying attention, etc. If this goes on long enough, they begin to believe it too. Kids are very good at fullfilling adult expectations.

We found, with the help of the neuropsychologist, and much to the school’s amazement, that the answer was counter-intuitive. With an NLD kid, you don’t (can’t) “push” them. You have to back off and give them the space they need to grow and develop without the stress and anxiety of pressure.

With my son, the results are astounding. After 2 years of battles over both school work and homework, we came up with an acceptable period of time for him to be working. We accepted whatever he could get done, going at HIS OWN PACE during that period. In the beginning, he got very little done during this period. But as he began to really trust that he WOULDN’T be kept in from recess, or homework WOULDN’T go on for 3 hours, he began to relax. When he relaxed, he was able to work, and his output increased dramatically.

We hardly ever have to modify his homework load now. It’s exactly the same type of stuff that he cried over and took 3 hours before, and he completes it on his own in 20 minutes now. At school, the teacher does need to keep an eye on his work load. He does process slowly, and writes painfully slowly. So if a particular piece of work is not essential, and he’s getting bogged down by it, she’ll take it away, and tell him he doesn’t need to finish it. Now a child who was truly “not motivated” would use this system to do less and less. With an NLD kid, it allows them to work more efficiently and get more done than you would ever think possible.

I think that’s why a good neuropsych eval is so important. Behaviors that “look” similar on the surface can have very different root causes, and until you understand WHY a kid is acting a particular way, it is just a guessing game in trying to find a way to change that behavior.

Karen