Completely at loss...

Our daughter was dx in the first grade also with ADHD. She was started out on Ritalin, then her teachers requested a longer sustaining medication…Concerta. I only give it to her on school days following the school calander. it seems to do well for her. I haven’t started her on it yet this year. I try to see if she has outgrown it over the summer. I usually have to start her again each year. I do not like giving her any medications, but this is one I have to say is working great for her. The teachers last year had called me to tell me she was going to fail for the second time. i was devistated, that’s when they recommended Concerta and she made a complete turn around in her grades. i have to admit I get very frustrated trying to get homework and chores down around the house. If anyone has any advise for help with chores, please email me. Thanks

I’ve heard that too. I’m not a doctor but I believe our brain chemistry changes as we go through life and the delicate balance between the medication and its results may change.

The proof is in the pudding as they say and if your son grades plummeted and he articulates that he’s unhappy, it doesn’t sound as if the medication is working.

I gave up with one of my own sons too. One son derived great benefits from his medication but the other did not - no matter how many we tried.

Instead of treating the disorder, we decided to treat its symptoms. We offered him very strong support for his work in school. One of us (mostly me) literally sat right by him every night all night to help him focus with homework. We’re still trying to support him in having friends which includes driving miles to pick up the one child who might play with him.

The years your son is going into are challenging ones in any circumstance. What has helped our son are structured lessons. It gives focus to the week, a little life outside of school, and makes him feel like he has a life when he hears others with all their plans. He takes martial arts and archery lessons.

Good luck to you and your son.

I’ve heard that too. I’m not a doctor but I believe our brain chemistry changes as we go through life and the delicate balance between the medication and its results may change.

The proof is in the pudding as they say and if your son grades plummeted and he articulates that he’s unhappy, it doesn’t sound as if the medication is working.

I gave up with one of my own sons too. One son derived great benefits from his medication but the other did not - no matter how many we tried.

Instead of treating the disorder, we decided to treat its symptoms. We offered him very strong support for his work in school. One of us (mostly me) literally sat right by him every night all night to help him focus with homework. We’re still trying to support him in having friends which includes driving miles to pick up the one child who might play with him.

The years your son is going into are challenging ones in any circumstance. What has helped our son are structured lessons. It gives focus to the week, a little life outside of school, and makes him feel like he has a life when he hears others with all their plans. He takes martial arts and archery lessons.

Good luck to you and your son.

Have you read Dr. Jacqueline Stordy’s book, “The LCP [long chain polyunsaturated fatty acid] Solution: The Remarkable Treatmentment for ADHD, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia”? You might want to check it out. She also has a Web site: drstordy.com

We have seen enormous improvements since my son started to take essential fatty acids (that’s what she’s talking about). He is more focused, less impulsive and in a better mood.

The other “alternative” therapy that we think makes a BIG difference is neurofeedback. This is very hard for me to explain but it’s basically reewiring neural pathways in the brain through EEG biofeedback. If you surf the web, you can get lots of information about it. The challenge is finding an experienced clinician that you can trust.

I looked on the web site and this looks very interesting. Does the treatment amount to taking a supplement once a day? Do you have trouble getting your child to take it?

Beth

My daughter is your son’s age and was diagnosed at the same age as him. She has few friends too and sometimes that really makes me sad. She doesn’t say alot about it and has never ever said “I don’t have any friends”. This is how I view this particular situation. I feel that her lack of friends is protection from the Lord. I believe that because of the kind of kid she is, very sweet, and kind hearted, she would be a follower and the kids around here would figure that out and take toal advantage of her and lead her down a road that I would not like her to go down. Society thinks that people need to have hundreds of friends. I am close to 40 and have had only 1 true friend, one that I could count on for anything. Kids today aren’t looking for that. Society is all about me, me and me and teaching our kids to look out only for themselves. I would rather raise a child who is kind, considerate and compassionate. Now for boys it’s a bit different but not really. I wouldn’t push the friend thing with your boy too much. Keep him close to you as much and for as long as possible, you don’t want him to grow up too fast.

As for the medication. He is the only one who knows how it makes him feel, and I don’t believe for a minute that we need to medicate our kids because of pressure from the educators. Don’t get me wrong, there are children that cannot survive without the use of it, but for the most part, these kids are drugged because the schools are over crowded and the teacher’s are over worked. That is not our problem though. They chose the profession and I belive they knew what they were getting into. Your boy may not be interested in what he is being taught either. It has only been in recent years that public schools with graded classes came into the picture, what were schools like in the 1800’s and how much Ritalin was prescribed then? It truly is something to think about. What has gone wrong? Much has gone wrong.

I would encourage you and your family to think about homeschooling your son. There is a wealth of information and even more benefits of homeschooling children, especially kids with LD and ADHD. I can almost guarantee you that he would thrive because you could teach him what interests him. It is wonderful and I pray that you will think about it.

These kids have a purpose on this earth. The Lord made them this way for a reason, they are so special and I am so thankful that I have one.

Hi everyone,

I want to thank you all for your kindness in sharing your experiences and thoughts with me. You presented me with a lot of great ideas on how to handle this situation and I’m eternally grateful. One particular message (Carla’s) has opened my eyes for a lot of things, and awarded me with a lot of peace! Thank you Carla. I suggest you all take a moment to read her message as well, and you will know what I am talking about.

Carla, your views on “friendship for our kids” really hit home. They made me reflect and realize how lucky we really are. The only slight difference I see is that, unlike your daughther, he seems to really resent not having friends. Maybe that is the difference between boys and girls. He verbally expresses that quite often and it worries me. But I agree with you in regards to what the Lord has planned to all of us and believe that in time, and when HE deems appropriate, our son will get the good, healthy friendships he craves or outgrow the need for it. Who can really know!

About medication I also agree that society these days tend to overmedicate our kids. However, I don’t believe teachers are really to take blame for it, or perhaps just a little. Unlike the teackers of the past, today’s educators face overcroweded schools, lack of resources, and have to deal with so many different types of problems those folks never had to (like lawsuits, special education requirements, etc). Us parents on the other hand, also need to accept a good portion of the blame since we often over-indulge our kids to compensate for our guilt of not being the “staying at home” type of parents society once had in abundance. Then, when our kids become over-excited, over- rebouncheous, over-stimulated and begin to, what the society (and us) sees as “misbehave”, we medicate to “calm them down”.

I further agree that we need to look and focus inwards, to the nucleous of our family unity; but the reality is we can not forget we belong to this society too, flawed as it may be, and try to engage and be a positive part of it somehow. So it is my hope and prayer that some day our sons and daughters will award and be awarded with the precious gift of friendship torwards someone.

Finally, to all of us parents who struggle everyday with a child with ADHD / LD, when things get tough and overwhelming we should take a good look at our lives and ask ourselves - “is this really that bad?”, “Could it be worse”? Then take a deep breath and go on loving them. More than overindulgencies and medication, they need us, our attention and unconditional love.

Thanks again everyone,

Lorena

ps: Please forgive my grammar and spelling errors. English is my third language.

I can not believe that you pretty much suggested to this woman to isolate her child because he is different. Society is not the greatest self esteem booster but it has not completely gone to hell yet.

I too am a mother of a 13 year old ADHD child. She was diagnosed when she was 8. We tried the medication for about a year and a half and when we finally gave up on finding the right dosage we stopped the medication. I came to the conclusion that this is who she is and started dealing with things in small steps. We found that organization (on my part) helped out so much with her problem. Yes, part of her problem was me. I can function well in a hurry up, rush-rush world. She,on the other hand, needed some time to catch up with my extra 30 years of experience with the battles against time and social forces. We worked on both or our organizational skills and spent time learning how to relax. The more our life became a routine the less frustration she felt.

The friends issue is a tuff one. If you force them to play you risk them shutting down but it you force them into isolation they are still at risk for shutting down. There is enough anti-social behavior out there as it is. Why add to the problem? I would suggest finding something the child is enjoys and is good at and then finding a friend who has the same interest. I have yet to meet a child who was not good at anything. Spend some time and explore the endless possibilities.
I found that my daughters niche is sports. Boy! What a confidence builder that was. I took her a while to get into the grove of things but once she did the rest of her life began comming together. She was socializing more therefore being reinforced on what is suitable behavior and what is not. The confidence and focusing skills that she gained from doing well in sports eventually moved into the other aspects of her life. She became more secure with her ability to accomplish things that she was no longer afraid to give answers in class (even the wrong ones), she is passing everything, she is even helping younger kids with their sports. By no means is she lonely anymore.

I am not saying it is a cure all. We still fight with the attention problem, she is not quite the social butterfly that she would like to be, grades are not the greatest but she is passing and frustration builds from time to time but each day things get better.

You have indicated you may be contemplating more natural approaches to ADD. Have you considered interactive metronome? There is a thread on it on the Teaching ADHD Children. We are just starting so I can’t give a testimonial, but the existence of some scientific studies helped us make the decision to try it.