I am the proud father of an 11yr old and 5 yr old. My 11 yr old son is going in the fifth grade. He has mild dyslexia and dysgraphia. He is a sounds like speller. He has been through all the testing and he does not have a great enough difference in the numbers they tell us to get him additional services at school. We as parents are doing our best. I would just like to hear from other fathers who have kiddos with learning difficulties. I see my wife taking the bull by the horn so to speak and I sometimes feel like I am on the outside of the learning circle. Do any of you fathers out there feel guilt? I was not a strong student myself. Reading and writing are still not my favorites. When he is struggling I feel so helpless. I would like to team up with other Dads that maybe be going through this same thing.
Re: Dad Talk
KMM,
I can respond for my husband because his dyslexia/dysgraphia would prevent him or take him too long to accomplish a written piece. (He is however a successful entrepreneur.)
Husband got involved when our kids were in 3/4th grade respectively (two severely dyslexic/dysgraphic ? sons) and I was
beginning to suspect that I was being taken for a ride. I was too trusting of the district…a fault I have I guess. He attends all meetings, interjects a bit of testosterone (like Andy said), serves as an example of an adult dyslexic and our familial influence, works the tape recorder so that I don’t have to an can concentrate on my extensive notes. He hand delivers the letters (I write everytime I have a problem.) and is on a first name basis with the ny state ed dept. liason/compliance officer. He pushes me hard to file letters of complaint and has a big say in what is in them. He serves as an example to our kids of what limitations an unremediated adult dyslexic can and cannot do in the world of language so that they see the reasoning for their going to a private school for dyslexia.
It was through our sons that he truly learned what his deal was. It has enabled him to come to terms with his limitations
and gently push them to get the help he did not receive. WE joke
about whose “fault” it is because we both know the gifts of dyslexia…creativity, mechanical intuition, the ability to see 3D in mind’s eye, to figure out what a gadget does by looking at it, fixing just about anything, etc.
My other thought is that as your son progresses throught he system and reads to learn that gap could widen without services.
If you son starts getting really frustrated and feels negatively
about himself and his learning needs, perhaps outside testing might come in handy. An independent eval (selected by you) with
the district footing the bill may be needed.
We’ve spent A LOT of time finding our sons’ gifts (now 15.5 and 14) because we though they’d never make honor roll or be successfull in school. Just imagine going to work everyday and feeling like a failure! Five years of private school has brought our 15.5 year old from a crying, frustrated, many years behind in writing, math, reading 4th grader to a confident (he knows what his weakest subjects are) well adjusted young man. He looks forward to college and has found comradery in being with other dyslexic young men.
Best of luck to you…and tell your wife to keep squeaking because the squeaky wheel gets the grease…nice but very persistent.
Donnany
KMM,
There’s many of us out there/here. Our son is grown now (19), but has yet to outgrow the ld (dyslexia/dysgraphia); but on the other hand neither have I.
During the formative years, I gladly took the back seat to my wife’s handling the “school stuff”, until things got a bit hairy. When she was treated inappropriately by an administrator, and that same individual confronted our then 4th grade son, it came time for me to step in (my choice). From that point forward, I went to every meeting, did most of the talking, with my wife’s prompting with notes etc., and gently, but firmly, added a little testosterone to the meetings.
I’d have to say, over all, things went from bad to worse, but in hindsight it would have happened anyway, and my wife would have been the worse for wear. Me and my ld issues turned into a pit bull who could not drop the bone, and we ended up doing the whole dance with our district. Meetings, mediations, due process and ultimately me standing in federal court (no attorney) representing our son. Suffice to say, a lonnnnnnnnnnnng story.
Anyway, as you and others, I’m a proud father, of a bright, charming, witty and sometimes pain in the *ss kid, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat to be there for him and his mother/my wife.
So as far as taking the bull by the horns, yeah, my wife did that for a while, until I jumped in front, got gored, stomped and tossed about; but it didn’t kill me and I suppose I’m stronger for it (?). In the mean time, the district is probably still realing from the battle years later; and me, I visit bb’s like this one to exorcise my demons and try to advise other parents who may be travelling down similar paths.
Hang in there, say your piece, and you would be none the wiser to attend all meetings and help keep some kind of balance. There’s lots of stuff you can do, from running the tape recorder, to taking notes, and being there for support so your wife is not taking the brunt of the district’s bullying tactics (if that is what is going on).
Take care,
Andy