Discussing child's LD & ADHD Issues with adult friends

What about the old tried and true approach? Offer a small but pleasant smile and say, “It’s a looong story…” and if you have to add, “We’d need more time than we have now but I appreciate your interest.”

People usually respond to “it’s a looong story” with a knowing pleasant smile and nod of their own and let the matter drop whatever it might be.

What is wrong with stating that the private school is for bright youngsters who have learning disabilities? What’s the big deal today in our culture? Plenty of bright kids have LDs.

Anita,

Isn’t that the truth?! My daughter’s gifted teacher always says she’s the “diagnosed” LDer in the gifted classroom. :-)

I had to take two days off from work in June for IEP meetings (and I still have to follow up on one detail they left off the !@# ‘declassification with support’ document).

When I explained to a close work colleague that I had to take these days off for school meetings given my dd is dyslexic (can’t even go there with the ADHD thing with some) given he was bearing the brunt of my unfortunately timed absences, he looked at me genuinely concerned and said “I’m so sorry” - the exact same way he would’ve responded if I was coming back from a family funeral leave.

I blurted out ‘nothing to be sorry about but thanks’. Ugh.

This reminds me of a night my hubby and I went to a cook out dinner at a coworkers house. We are all medical professionals and some of us are older and more tactful then others:-) Anyway this very young and new nurse starts on this tirade of how there is no such thing as ADHD and how we are drugging the next generation of kids etc. Well,I just sat there in shock and thinking of how to tactfully shut this ignorant maniac up,when my husband who never offers anything, sits up, and let’s her have it.

He starts in” How many kids do you have?” “do you have children?” She says,”no”,He says,” well may I suggest you decide what you would do if you were in a parents shoes, when you are actually in them.” I personally look at it as medication and when my son, came home crying and telling me he couldn’t pay attention I knew I had to help him. Medication has,and believe me,being an ex drug addict,I know the difference between medication and drugs.” “I just wished my parents had done for me what I have done for my son.” He looks down at me,smiles and says,” now my wife here, has a lot of information for you on ADHD if your interested she can give you all you ever wanted”. I was shocked,wished he had kept the drug addict part out of it,but hell he did a fine job:-) Another advocate made,out of the personal need to set the record straight. Kind of puts a damper on the fun,but you know what? We didn’t start it.. A family who stands up for one another,educates others. In the end she started asking a lot of questions,and admitted her sister probably had ADHD. Funny how things go.

Socks, for this very reason, I always choose pediatricians based on whether they have children and a gynecologist based on whether she is female! Experience is a big help!

Janis

I always seem to run into the oddballs. The funny thing is, I had *terrible* experiences with female gynecologists, one [many years back when I was young and trusting] who ignored major pelvic inflammatory disease for four months, while being very happy to take my money — when I got too broke and went to the charity hospital in the city center they caught it immediately and yelled at me for letting it go on so long. Massive incompetence, causing me permanent health damage.
Experience is nice, but intelligence and the willingness to listen count a lot more for me.

Oh, yes, a female gynecologist who has had a child and is intelligent, warm, and gifted as a physician. How about that?! :-)

Janis

There’s the answer! Next cookout, if they ask about the kids and school, say, “do you think females are better gynecologists?”

In social situations, I think I am going to try not to bring it up unless someone else asks. Then I will think about whether I feel like going into a long explanation. I am more than willing to help educate people on children’s learning differences, in fact, I have helped start a group called PARE (parenting, advocacy, resourcing, and encouragement) at our church. We meet twice a month once for a speaker or video on a related topic and once for sharing resources/ideas/experiences. We started last spring and have grown from 5 people to 35. Our pastor who graduated form Duke University has ADHD and is going to share his experiences with our group next month. He is an awesome speaker and pastor. Can’t wait. There is such a need for responsible information, networking and just encouragment. Thanks for the advice and humor.
Sometimes though, I just want to talk about the weather.

Good for you, RA! Sounds like a great service to offer through your church.

Janis

What is wrong with telling your acquaintances that you want your child to get the best education she can get and you feel that this school meets her needs best. Explanation provided. There really is no need to elaborate although I understand it completely.

Not knowing our son had problems and being committed to the highest quality education we could give our children we chose to send them to a different public school than the children in the neighborhood go to. At the time we did it strictly because the children in our neighborhood are bussed to a school out of our neighborhood (like someone earlier said, long story …) So, I chose to take our son (and now his brother) to a different school. I got lots of questions regarding my decision and still get lots of questions. I often just reply that I felt and still feel my children’s needs are better met by attending the public school we’ve chosen to attend. See even I feel the need to explain.

We just moved to a new town, mostly so our son could attend a private LD school without a lengthy commute. My younger NT daughter is attending our local public school. So you can imagine how many times in the last few weeks I’ve had to answer the questions of “do you have children” and “what teacher did they get?…”

Fortunately, we seemed to have picked the right town because everyone here is familiar with his school and its wonderful reputation. For the few who aren’t I simply say “oh its a school for very bright dyslexic kids…” with a big smile and that’s the end of that. You have nothign to apologize for for choosing to send your child to the best school for her. I strongly believe that we must de-stigmatize special education and learning differences by being out there and proud of our kids.