OK now we have an Emotional immaturity issue. My 7 year old daughter is very intelligent so she has been chosen to go to the library with a few kids from her class to do research. She is not enjoying it at all because she has to wait for help from the busy Librarian. She ends up crying or choking back tears. The other kids are dealing with waiting just fine. The Librarian is concerned and asked me to talk to my daughter about it. She says that she “definitely belongs” in the program and her research is the best of the group. She also cries when she can’t understand something or makes a mistake. The Librarian says that this is suppose to be fun and a way of meeting the needs of more “advanced” kids. But how can an intelligent child get anything out of such a program when she has the emotions of a 4 year old? I’m wondering if she might be better off out of the program. Any suggestions or accommodations ideas? Terry
Re: Emotional Immaturity
TerryB,
I don’t have any great advice about whether to have her stick with the library program, but I did want to share with you my thought about what may be going on. We know that kids with ADHD are more easily frustrated and tend to give up more easily that other children when confronted with hard, boring or unpleasant things. Essentially, they have difficulty resisting the impulse to stop doing things that are not interesting, fun, rewarding, etc. That same impulsivity can also be seen in the area of emotional control, with the result that the child is more prone to becoming frustrated, angry or tearful. Insufficiencies in both cognitive (ie attention) and emotional control are parallel problems (literally based upon three parallel circuits in the brain) that kids with ADHD have. Your daughter is having trouble inhibiting her emotional reaction and putting in out of her mind when she is at the library.
Doreen
What reason does your daughter give for the crying? I’d be curious to find out what is going through her head when she’s waiting. Like is it just hard to have to wait in line or is she thinking that she won’t have time because she’s been waiting for so long? It probably feels longer to her than what it is.
My daughter will sometimes cry (used to be often) when she was thought she had answers wrong. In her case I think it is her anxiety. She tends to make mountains out of mole hills. Once I asked her and she told me it’s because she needs to get all A’s or I’ll be angry with her. I’ve never pushed her at all. But, I told her she doesn’t need to have all A’s. Then, instead of telling her that all I want is for her to try her best like I usually do, I told her that all she has to do is work hard and whatever grade she gets is fine. They don’t even give letter grades in first grade! Anyway, she seemed to understand it phrased more concretely.