My husband made a statement about my older daughter the other night. He said that she has to be exposed to something new at least twice as many times as the average person. I know this is true about her and perhaps I’ve been in denial about it. Surprisingly, he does not think she has any learning disabilities, whereas I do. He thinks she is just lazy.
I have to admit that all she wants to do is watch t.v. and play with her friends. She doesn’t have a lot of friends, but she loves to play with the ones she has.
I decided to put her in a band camp to expose her to an instrument. Since I am a flute teacher I worked with her a little before the camp on holding the instrument and getting a sound; etc. It didn’t go that well, but she made enough progress to feel comfortable holding the flute. When I signed her up for the camp, I didn’t realize it would be such an accelerated program. It is only three weeks, but she is extremely overwhelmed. I have worked with her a few times, but it has been almost impossible. She cries and says she wants to give up and that she’s stupid. She told me she’s lost most of the time when playing. I would love to help her because I think she’d enjoy it if she worked on it some more. One of the reasons I started her on this is because she loved playing the recorder in school. I only recently learned that she played by ear during 4th grade because she had forgotten the notes over the summer after 3rd grade.
I am wondering if anyone else has problems with getting their children motivated to do something besides playing and watching t.v. I know she’s afraid of failure and that doesn’t help. I also know she has to work particularly hard on her schoolwork and this summer’s experience sees to be similar. By the way, she is 10 and going into 5th grade next year.
Thanks!
Margo
Re: Exposure to new experiences?
Hi Margo,
Have you ever had her tested? Is she keeping up at school because she works hard at it?
I also agree with Robin that if this camp is too much stress and not fun at all…let it go. I would however limit the tv dramatically and get her to read some books. There is nothing wrong with play especially if her school year is hard for her…resource or no resource room.
Curently my 14 year old daughter is motivated to play on her computer, watch tv, and talk/visit her best friend. I limit computer and tv time, give her jobs to help me because she is a housemember (hey its not fair that she sit around while I work all day). Because she won’t go forit on her own. In the fall when she starts high school, I am insisting on a club/sport…that she get involved.
Perhaps you could just work with her on the instrument?
Donna
Re: Exposure to new experiences?
Hi Margo,
Since your daughter enjoys playing maybe she would enjoy an activity that seems more like playing than work to her. Maybe she would like tennis, volleyball, soccer, gymnastics or something where she could meet new people and feel like she is playing.
Just a thought.
Re: Exposure to new experiences?
Other people do sometimes have trouble motivating their children to do other things besides watch television but that doesns’t mean they all have learning disabilities. It also doesn’t mean that your daughter doesn’t have a learning difference.
Most telling is your husband’s remark that she needs double the time to learn something new.
What have her teachers said over the years? How is her reading and her writing? Has she ever played any sport?
If school though and her social life have gone relatively smooth, you might rest with that. If you continue to have nagging doubts, you could always consider having her tested.
I own one of these children:) My oldest daughter is a very cautious personality- wades into new things slowly-one toe at a time- and emphatically hates to be made to feel less than completely capable. This used to extend to homework too- she once told her classroom teacher that all the math she knew, she knew because she brought it all home to have me reteach it. He was less than impressed, but amused I guess. He and I are great friends now and work closely together. The daughter does not have LD’s, but her personal style dictated that she weigh the pros and cons of everything repeatedly before giving it a shot independantly. BTW, she also plays the flute- but would never have consented to go to a music camp at the age of ten. Probably wouldn’t go now either
There is no percentage in pushing these children I think. It just makes them unhappy and then the experience you want them to enjoy is not enjoyable. I want her to learn to take risks, but not to feel uncomfortable about backing off when she feels too much pressure. So, I gently support and encourage. I helped her with her homework, celebrated the activities she participated in, allowed her to choose the new ones she would add.We also, when she entered junior high, insisted that se participate in at least one extracurricular activity-band, chorus, dance- I didn’t care which as long as she chose it. I didn’t even care if she changed from year to year. I now have a fifteen year old who plays an instrument, participates in drama (school and community theater) ran for school office, ran the sports concession stand with a friends all spring- and made the honor roll without any help from me (except proofreading:). She went kicking and screaming some times- she is a teenager after all- but she grew and is calculating her risks a little more liberally and liking the challenges better. But the important thing is that she had the space to do it on her own.
If your daughter is bitterly unhappy in the music camp I would probably allow her to quit. Any potential love of playing will be squished irreparably if she is pushed too hard too fast. There is no way- unless she is gifted- that she can make up the skills she needs to be marginally on the same level as the other students in less than three weeks. And it is summer after all. (I am a great believer in unstructured summer time) I would encourage her to try new things- but let her style dictate the pace- or do it with her. Even better- make it a brand new activity for you too- some of the most fun my family has had together was when we all tried something completely new. Then we all looked equally foolish and it was just okay. Good luck!
Robin