I have a son that is 12 years old & in the 6th grade (1st year of Middle School). He is a gifted student yet we are struggling this year with major organization & forgetfulness issues. If you have a gifted child, you know that oftentimes their teachers “expect” a certain level of work from them. My son’s last report card was a D, a C & 5 B’s. Just 3 weeks to a month prior to grade cards, we had a meeting with his teachers & his grades were almost all D’s & F’s. The main reason is late or lost/missing assignments. He does the work, but somehow loses it before it gets turned in. His answer to why this happens is generally one of these three: I don’t know, I’m stupid or I don’t think, or I just forget. I’m convinced these aren’t just excuses. He really struggles with forgetfulness, losing things & in some respects, not thinking. He forgets after school meetings even though I remind him before he leaves for school & write them down for him & he even forgets “rules” that we have around the house that he’s been told many, many times. And he absolutely hates doing research for any kind of reports. I think that if he could do every report orally, he would be fine. He is very articulate & has an awesome vocabulary, but on paper, you wouldn’t know it at all. He also has horrible handwriting, although when he really tries, it can be neat (maybe 3-5 papers all school year have been neat.) In grade school, we had bouts of this. I work extremely hard trying to help him be organized, but as soon as I’m not “on” him every night double & triple checking things, it goes back to the same way. I am so frustrated. My husband & I see it a little differently. My husband tends to think he just isn’t trying or that he’s lazy. I think there’s really something else to it. I’ve mentioned ADHD testing to his teachers previously & even to one this year, but each time I do, they just say that’s not necessary & they’re sure he doesn’t have it because he doesn’t display the typical symptoms. He doesn’t have any hyperactivity or trouble sitting still, but he has major forgetfulness & organization problems. I just read a couple of articles about gifted children with disabilities. If you have a child who has been through a similar situation & can share with me I would greatly appreciate it. I feel that I’m at my wit’s end- I want to help him so badly because he doesn’t like forgetting- he’s definitely a perfectionist & this is very hard on him as well. I think we’re all beyond the point of frustration & I just need to know if this sounds familiar to anyone else & if so, what should I do?
Re: Gifted with ADD?
I would bring him to a neuropsychologist and get a complete workup. The school is not able to diagnose ADHD. I wouldn’t trust their results if they did. I think that my daughter is ADHD/gifted. Our pediatician won’t label her ADHD yet but he recommended some books for us to research the ADHD issues. So far the school is meeting her needs and I can’t afford the $1000 neuropsych. fee (braces have to come first.) My daughter is only in 2nd grade. I would expect that her ability to compensate for her weaknesses will diminish as she gets older and the demands on her increase. Read everything that you can about ADHD and use the tips that you pick up. Even if he doesn’t get that label of ADHD, he certainly has some of the traits and could benefit from the tools that kids with ADHD use. In my mind though, he is suffering enough at this point that a full investigation with a neuropsych. is needed.
Terry
Re: Gifted with ADD?
http://www.ldonline.org/ld_indepth/gt_ld/gifted_ld.htmlThis definitely sounds suspicious for inattentive ADHD. I would pay for a private evaluation. You should consider not just an ADHD workup but also consideration of possible LD. Gifted kids with LD and ADHD tend be be good compensators (I’ve got two, so I am familiar with the profiled) and often the real problems don’t emerge until middle or even high school. Your son sounds like he is beginning to experience the emotional bad affects of untreated ADHD or LD (witness all that self-critical, blaming talk). Take a look at this for info on gt/ld/adhd: http://www.ldonline.org/ld_indepth/gt_ld/gifted_ld.html
Re: Gifted with ADD?
Both my daughter and I are top students and organizational disasters.
You can learn coping skills — my first piece of advice is Keep It Simple. If you load him down with the newest organizational system, that is just one more thing to get lost and to fail with.
Cut out all the nonessentials and then look again and cut some more. Look at the program Clean Sweep on Discovery for some thoughts on cutting.
Try to get to one object (a single pack) one place (by the door on top of his shoes) one time (every time you head out in the morning you grab that pack). Now, rather than having school stuff all over to lose, you pick up that pack, put it on the kitchen table, and pull out the homework. You do the assignment, and *immediately* put it back in the pack. As soon as the work is done, pack goes back to the door, on top of the shoes so it cannot be forgotten. This may at times look odd, but I promise you the Just One Thing approach frees up a huge amount of worry.
In school, develop the habit that every paper goes in the pack, period. It may get ugly but it won’t get lost.
You as the support person get to organize and tidy and throw out things no longer needed for a while. He can learn these skills later, but first things first.
I have gone over the criteria for NLD and my daughter and I both fit them to a T, except that we are good at math and I in fact got a math degree. You might want to look into this as ONE possible reason, among all the others, for your son’s disorganization.
I don’t know if this will help you or not. My daughter is extremely bright and has been in gifted classes (though not right now) for several years. She is also very very forgetful and extremely disorganized. She is a walking explosion of junk wherever she goes and has the same problems with work not being turned in. Reasons are “I don’t know, I guess I forgot, etc.” She has recently been diagnosed adhd inattentive as is my younger child. Most often inattentive subtypes of adhd will not display the hyperactivity that most people associate with adhd.