HELP! ADHD child steals constantly

: I don’t know that we can say for sure that his stealing is directly tied to his ADHD. There are children who steal who do not have ADHD.YOu say that your son is depressed. There almost isn’t a bigger problem than depression for a child. It’s considered the “king” of problems. Your statement that his stealing is a bigger problem is not one many child care professionals are going to agree with and you might want to think about readjusting your thinking on that. Other than terminal illnesses, we consider depression to be the biggest problem certainly an 11 year old can have.His stealing, by the way, could be a manifestation of his depression cause once a child is depressed–all bets are off. All kinds of sadly interesting behaviors emerge - stealing the least of them. Depressed children take risks much bigger than stealing from their mother’s pocketbook.If your son has a therapist, you are helping your son. Does your son, though, hold this therapist in regard? Do you see the therapist as helping your son? Has the therapist suggested medication for your son to help with the depression? Finding the right therapist is very important.11 is awfully young to be depressed and you deserve to be worried about your son. Depressed at 11 does not bode well for his future and you must already know this hence your understandable tears. It is not uncommon for the parents of depressed children to fall into depression themselves.My son was diagnosed as depressed just a few weeks ago after many years of dealing with learning differences. My first reaction was similar to yours…this can’t be happening, not this on top of everything else…what do I do cause I have to do something because we can’t take any more issues from this kid… I’m going to break if I have to deal with one more thing…What I’ve learned about depression and dealing with it in my own family these past few weeks is that it’s going to require even greater patience than we’ve had before. This is not a problem I will be able to help my son solve quickly. Having done his homework for him for many years to help him through the unfairness of school, I “can’t do his homework” on the challenge of depression that faces him.AS a mother, I will have to wait this one out while letting my son know I care about him more than anything else. Have you told your son that? Have you thought about just giving him money? If he were my son, I ‘d think about saying to him. “you don’t need to steal from me. Here’s the money. Just come and ask and I’ll give you whatever you need.”Have you noticed a difference since you spanked him? I’m not sure that a depressed child can be spanked out of their depression. How did you get an 11 year old to hold still to be hit? The good news is that it sounds as if your son, despite his stealing, does hold you in great regard if he held still for that.Good luck to you and your son.My son is 11 and has ADHD as well as depression issues. We are going
: to see a therapist in a few weeks. There seems to be an even
: bigger problem though. He steals money from me and his sister. Two
: months ago, he went into my jacket and took a $20 bill. I actually
: spanked him for that because it certainly wasn’t the first (or
: second or third or fourth) time he has stolen money. Today, I come
: home to find that the $15 I left on the coffee table was missing.
: I found it in his pocket. He took it when no one was looking. Is
: stealing like this a trait of ADHD or are we facing a whole other
: problem now? I am at my wits end and don’t know what to do to help
: him. I am scared for him and worried about myself. The stress is
: too much on me and it is causing many other problems in the
: family. I walk around crying all the time. What do I do? How can I
: help him? Do other ADHD kids go through this??? Please help.

Thank you for your advice. The depression was really a shock to me. He doesn’t act depressed, in fact problems seem to affect him for only a short while and he is back to listening to weird al cd’s or riding scooters with his friends. We have always said “what a happy kid” he is. But when he was reevaluated a few weeks ago for ADHD, he answered several of the depression questions with “yes”. Like, I hate myself, I am stupid, No one likes me. It broke my heart. As for the therapist, we used to go to one for the ADHD but it wasn’t working out so we stopped, now I am trying to find a new one.: YOu say that your son is depressed. There almost isn’t a bigger
: problem than depression for a child. It’s considered the
: “king” of problems. Your statement that his stealing is
: a bigger problem is not one many child care professionals are
: going to agree with and you might want to think about readjusting
: your thinking on that. Other than terminal illnesses, we consider
: depression to be the biggest problem certainly an 11 year old can
: have.: His stealing, by the way, could be a manifestation of his depression
: cause once a child is depressed–all bets are off. All kinds of
: sadly interesting behaviors emerge - stealing the least of them.
: Depressed children take risks much bigger than stealing from their
: mother’s pocketbook.: If your son has a therapist, you are helping your son. Does your son,
: though, hold this therapist in regard? Do you see the therapist as
: helping your son? Has the therapist suggested medication for your
: son to help with the depression? Finding the right therapist is
: very important.: 11 is awfully young to be depressed and you deserve to be worried
: about your son. Depressed at 11 does not bode well for his future
: and you must already know this hence your understandable tears. It
: is not uncommon for the parents of depressed children to fall into
: depression themselves.: My son was diagnosed as depressed just a few weeks ago after many
: years of dealing with learning differences. My first reaction was
: similar to yours…this can’t be happening, not this on top of
: everything else…what do I do cause I have to do something
: because we can’t take any more issues from this kid… I’m going
: to break if I have to deal with one more thing…: What I’ve learned about depression and dealing with it in my own
: family these past few weeks is that it’s going to require even
: greater patience than we’ve had before. This is not a problem I
: will be able to help my son solve quickly. Having done his
: homework for him for many years to help him through the unfairness
: of school, I “can’t do his homework” on the challenge of
: depression that faces him.: AS a mother, I will have to wait this one out while letting my son
: know I care about him more than anything else. Have you told your
: son that? Have you thought about just giving him money? If he were
: my son, I ‘d think about saying to him. “you don’t need to
: steal from me. Here’s the money. Just come and ask and I’ll give
: you whatever you need.”: Have you noticed a difference since you spanked him? I’m not sure
: that a depressed child can be spanked out of their depression. How
: did you get an 11 year old to hold still to be hit? The good news
: is that it sounds as if your son, despite his stealing, does hold
: you in great regard if he held still for that.: Good luck to you and your son.: My son is 11 and has ADHD as well as depression issues. We are going

Greetings Heather,I don’t think stealing is necessarily a trait of ADHD but IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR certainly is. His taking of the money may very well be *only* an impulse and self-control issue. I can well understand your deep sorrow and despair over this issue because I went through it with my child. I thought it was odd that my child had more spending money than I thought she should have but it wasn’t until overwhelming guilt caused her to confess that I knew for sure that she was stealing from me. At that time, I checked several parenting resources and they all emphasized the importance of not giving the child a reason or opportunity to steal. First, it recommended giving a child a weekly allowance so he had his own personal spending money. Secondly, it recommended not leaving money easily accessible in order to reduce temptation. Both of these approaches were successful for us. Of course I talked to him about why stealing is wrong. Then, I began giving a weekly allowance in the amount of 1/2 of his age. I put the coin jar on a high shelf in my closet and I kept my purse in my bedroom. I didn’t make a big deal of putting these things away but just no longer made them accessible. It’s been about 2yrs now and we haven’t had a repeat episode. I can now leave my purse in the kitchen as I did before and he is no longer tempted to steal.I agree with Sara that your son’s depression issues are the main concern at this time. My child has been seeing a counselor off and on and it has been very beneficial for him. You may want to consider family counseling also.tena

You are doing the right thing in seeking a therapist. Find someone who understands the neurobiology of the brain—not just a specialist in using talking therapy methods.Stealing could be a symptom of something called conduct disorder. It’s important to rule this out or to find out if it may be something that is going on for the kid, so it can be treated.If you have trouble finding a good mental health professional, contact the psychiatry department at the state medical school in your state. If you don’t live close, they can provide good referrals.

Maybe the depression is the result and not the cause of the bad behavior. Stealing with no consequences leaves a child who is trying to develop a moral compass and grow as a person nothing but “I did wrong I am a bad person” to think about. A consequence lets him know that he’s been caught and has been made to make good. Having ADHD gives him no “but I’m doing well in school and I’m smart” to fall back on, so he has nothing to be but depressed.

PLEASE give him a sound moral thrashing about what he is doing is wrong and give him a reasonable punishment each time without hesitation. Otherwise, it says that Mom doesn’t care about me to save me from walking down what I KNOW is the wrong road. Then get him doing something he CAN do — music, sports, etc. Even something solo (lifting weights, riding a bicycle) beats this. He needs to find his gift right now and that will help lift the depression.