Hi all you other parents of kids with ADHD! I am so frustrated right now. My 10-year-old son is on Adderall for ADHD which controls SOME of the hyperactivity and impulsivity for his school day. He is in a small private school with a teacher who basically doesn’t believe in ADHD and makes no accomodations for his needs. He is also very bright, IQ testing on the border of the highest category, but with a very low digit span which means short memory. He has social skills problems - over-reacts to his classmates, tries too hard to get them to like him, talks too much, interrupts, is too intense, gets angry easily, is immature, etc. etc. etc. He is also very resistant to teaching on any of these issues, so coaching him is a problem. If it makes any sense, it’s as if he thinks too much of himself and yet has low self-esteem at the same time. He has a distorted sense of who he is and what he can do. This also works against him in social situations.
Our discipline of him before he was diagnosed was harsh and punitive. We were frustrated with all the misbehavior and we didn’t know that he wasn’t just a kid being bad, but that he truly could [b]not [/b]control his impulsive actions. That affected his self-image and we are trying to repair it now. He was also depressed (it runs in my family) and is being treated for that. But he still has these social problems.
Last year he had more confidence and felt he was popular. This year he is desperate for his classmates to like him and he feels that they do not. He especially wants to be liked by the girls in his class (there are 5) and tries to do anything he can to make them laugh (which gets him mocked and laughed at, but not in a good way). He is sensitive to teasing and gets very upset by their cruelty. At home, he seems to want any attention, even if it’s negative, and will make noise in some way until someone gets mad at him.
I have tried to find social skill classes but haven’t had any success yet. I am going to check into testing him for learning disabilities, because he might be trying to cover his difficulty by being the clown. I am also checking into the public system because perhaps he could be in gifted classes where he wouldn’t be so bored in school.
Can anyone suggest anything I am missing? Have any of you had success in teaching social skills or going to any type of professional for this? How can I help his self-esteem - if I try to put him into a challenging situation where he could succeed, he will fail in the social area and mess it up that way. How many people have kids in gifted classes and how does that work out? It’s a big trade-off for us because the public school system is not great where we live, but at least there *are* gifted classes. His current school cannot adapt that well, and he faces next year in the same situation as this year. Either do what he’s told or get a bad grade (he never gets anything less than a B-, however).
His psychiatrist is basically just a medication manager. She hasn’t helped with the social issues or anything like that.
I appreciate your reading this. It is so frustrating at times, because my son is *so great* and I wish the world could see it. Sometimes I think of what his future could end up like if he doesn’t start thinking of himself as a wonderful person…school is not made for kids like him. :x[b][/b]
Re: I love my son but I am SO frustrated with his problems!
Jan, you helped a whole lot. I don’t have time right now to reply, but I will say that homeschooling is out for us at present. DH will not accept it and I have tried every way I can think of. He feels that our son will have to adapt to the world the way it is and that I will be sheltering him too much if I keep him at home. On the positive side, at least DS will be getting other strong positive influences from teachers, coaches, etc. if I can advocate and keep him in contact with good role models. I envy you for being able to keep your son out of school. Private or public, it’s really two sides of the same coin, and it’s short-change for a kid who is different.
I’ll come back tomorrow if I can. Thanks again in the meantime. I might take you up on your offer to e-mail. I am just so lonely with all of this!
JB
Heymom, I know exactly what you are going throiugh. My son is 12 and has many of these issues. I took him out of school after 2nd grade and that has truly been a blessing for him.
Social issues: I roll play with him about what he will say in different situations that have arisen.I try to point out what I think sounds smart or rude and then tell him what I would say differently. This has helped with SOME of his peers.
My son, like yours ,is also high IQ and low digit span. This yr. we went to neuropsycologist and he has LD in Written Expression. Your son needs and deserves an IEP. He needs accomodations so that he won’t be so frustrated. It is only going to get worse. He needs to be taught to his gifts that he undoubtly has.
We have been seeing a psychiatrist for many yrs. We have had 3 different ones. It helps me as well as my son. You might need to find someone else that you can communicate with better.
My son also makes noises ALL the time that can be very irritating. He truly doesn’t know that he is doing it. It can be a way that they self stimulate and is common in ADHD.
My son is on imipramine for anx and depression and is on Strattera and Metadate for ADHD. He also has a very high opion of himself(which I am thankful for).He is involved in many activities:Robotics, Destination Imagination,Puppet Ministry etc.
Many kids that are high IQ are just different. They always will be. That is the way God made them. By having him participate in team activities where he can be creative, you will help his selfesteem. Also, most kids that do these type of activities are “different” so he will be on a level playing field.
I really believe that these kids are best served by homeschooling if you can’t find a school that will give him the accomodations that he needs. That was our problem. They couldn’t understand that if he was gifted why he would need IEP for his ADHD. It will only get worse the further in school they go.
I hope I’ve answered some of your questions and please feel free to Email me if you have any other questions or just need a shoulder. Jan