I'm at the end of my rope...

Wow! Sounds like you both have been swimming upstream a long time.

I wouldn’t pull him from ski practice. Everyone needs recreational time to refresh and recoup. LD children are under a lot of stress and should probably have even more time to unwind from the pressures of school, not less. You should do the same for yourself — structure “down” time and recreational time. Middle school tests are not, frankly speaking, *that* important in the grand scheme of things.

You mentioned visual-spatial issues. Has your son had a developmental vision evaluation? A child can have 20/20 vision but still have developmental vision delays that slow down processing of visual information. A website with solid information and links is http://www.childrensvision.com .

If developmental vision is okay, I would look into therapies designed to reduce underlying deficits. Ones that might be good for your son are IM at http://www.interactivemetronome.com and PACE at http://www.processingskills.com . It sounds as if you have spent every summer working to catch up academically. However, if you spend that time instead on reducing deficits, academic remediation could go much faster (plus he wouldn’t fall so far behind during the school year). There are no magic bullets, but for some children the benefits from these therapies are quite dramatic.

Many LD children do *much* better in real life than they ever do in school. This is because the demands of school hit all their weaknesses. Life tends to reward their strengths better.

Nancy

If you haven’t already, I would suggest having your son’s file reviewed by a special ed attorney, particularly if you want your District to pay for the private summer program. Depending on where you live, I may be able to help you. I have been representing special ed parents in NY for 10 years. Please feel free to email me directly at [email protected].

Linda A. Geraci
21 Old Main Street
Fishkill, NY 12524

I agree with allowing him to keep skiing if it makes him happy. You’ve both been working hard and doing a great job for a long time.

Is your son getting accomodations? One worry I’ve had for my son is that all the work we do at home and over the Summer, combined with his being very bright and articulate, masks his LDs and keeps his teacher from understanding how hard school is for him. I’ve been communicating with his teacher about my concerns but she still seems to think he just needs to focus more and speed up his work. Now that I have a private neuro-psych report and all my concerns regarding my son’s challenges have been confirmed, I plan to get a 504 in place ASAP. Unfortunately, I don’t have much faith in the teacher at this point. Oh well, I’m planning to start homeschool soon anyway.

I think it’s really important to make sure our children have as much opportunity to be happy as possible. When I was a Freshman in High School I was failing miserably. The only thing that was good in my life was theater. My mother pulled me out of theater as punishment for my school failure (as if failing wasn’t punishment in and of itself). I quit school and ran away from home. I spent a long time just trying to make life feel worthwhile. I know a lot of people in that situation turn to drugs but my addictions of choice were travel, backpacking, kayaking, sky diving (possibly just as dangerous as drugs given the circumstances). I didn’t have my LD DX until my umpteenth attempt at college. Finally, I was given use of a computer and extended time on tests… those things combined with growing maturity helped me graduate in the top 10% of my class.

Your son is way ahead of the game because he has you working with him and trying to understand what he needs. I think he’ll be fine in the long run. Meanwhile, grades are not more important than skiing.

When I am old and gray, I will not think about what grades I got in school. I will remember the people I have loved and the adventures I have had.

I am pretty much at the point that if a parent has done all they can to make the child fit the box of public education and the child still doesn’t fit, then take the child out. Look at your state’s homeschool laws. I agree with all the others, too. Let him ski.

My child has her first state test at the end of this year. I think she is borderline for passing it. But if we get to the point that it is clear she cannot pass the higher level tests, then I plan to pull her so we can gear her education to her needs. And she can graduate from homeschool.

Janis

Gosh, hypermommy, you’ve got quite a tale to tell! I’m curious—since you were unable to attend school while you were on the streets, how did you eventually able to get into college—were you somehow able to get your GED first? And did you and your mother ever get reconciled? I’m so glad you were finally able to achieve academically! You have good reason to be proud of how you were finally able to overcome the impediments caused by your learning difficulties. :D

Kathy G.

kgreen20-

The tales are too long to tell on this forum. I’ll try to give you the short version of what I think might be worth sharing.

I was a sad, skinny, quiet, little girl who hid in the library most of the time. I got into theater and life started improving. Then my mother pulled me out of theater as punishment for bad grades. There was nothing left to keep me in school. Quiting at age 15 was the first and one of the best choices I made for myself. A school counselor asked, “do you like the term high school drop out?” And I replied, “considering my options, it doesn’t sound so bad.”

I did pass the California High School Proficiency Exam when I was 16. The exam was mostly fill in the bubble and didn’t prevent me from showing what I knew. As soon as I passed the exam, I started attending community college classes. I proceeded to drop out many times over the following eight years. I finally got my LD DX, access to a computer and extended time on tests in a quiet room and graduated from university Magna Cum Laude four years later.

When it came to getting an education… I always wanted a degree. I wanted that paper that would prove I wasn’t lazy or dumb. I just kept banging my head against that brick wall until I finally discovered the door.

I do not mean to make light of the many hard years of my life. There were plenty of times I fell very hard. Fortunately, I made some good friends along the way. They were there for me when I neede a place to land. Eventually, I’d pick myself back up and move on to the next adventure.

My mother always said “life isn’t fair.” I refused to accept that was all there was to it. I kept believing that life was what you make of it. Instead of being a victim of circumstances I kept making choices about what to do with my life. I took risks, made mistakes and failed many times but each time I looked forward to what to try next.

As for my mother… She became very ill a few of years after I left home. I went back and took care of her until she died. We didn’t talk a lot but we didn’t argue either. In hindsight, it is easy for me to forgive the mistakes she made. She was born blind in an era when institutionalization was the rule. She’d been abused. She married at the first opportunity so she’d have someone to take care of her but all she got out of the marriage was me. I know that she did the best she could. My only regret is that she didn’t live long enough to find out that everything turned out fine.

Every single day, I am grateful for all the wonderful gifts in my life. Most of all, my two boys. They will have their challenges but I hope that I can help them to make the best of their strengths. And if I fail at teaching them anything else, I hope to at least teach them to enjoy life. Life is too short to waste time on being miserable. I don’t want them to dwell on what they don’t do well. I want them to think about what they can do to make each day something worthwhile.

That is quite a story. And I thank you for sharing it with me.

It sounds as if you tried to go to school even while you were on the streets. How were you able to manage that? Or am I missing something there?

Where I lived after running away from home is a series of long stories. The were very few nights without a roof over my head. As I mentioned before, I was lucky to have made some good friends. The first of which… as I write this it occurs to me that my life comes across stranger than fiction in writing… where was I? The first group of friends to take me in were a household of gay men on Castro Street in San Francisco. Remember the year was around 1980 so it was in the the pre-AIDS era and the Castro was it’s own universe. I was immersed in a completely different culture that consisted of… wow… the memories come flooding back… spiked heels, leather, spandex, leopard print, dark bars, alcohol, bass beats, dancing… waking up late and all of us watching American Band Stand while still wearing last nights mascara.

Not a lifestyle I would want for my children but we had fun. The guys took care of me. We became a family of sorts. Mother Tonia, Aunt Sophia, Grandma Margo and Great Grandma Maggie would take turns doing my hair and make-up. If anyone knows where any of these men are today send them my love. They saved me, not only from the streets but from loneliness. I still have dreams about them, family reunions that I find comforting.

There were other friends along the way, we shared squats, apartments and houses over the years. I did some modeling, met some interesting people, made connections with people who lived in different parts of the world. I did a lot of travelling. I’d work for awhile, save every penny, spend it on an airplane ticket and take of on another adventure.

I was in another country when I got my LD DX. I’d been working with children in New Zealand. My employers wanted me to get a degree. I went to the a university and talked to a couselor about my previous difficulties. They tested me, said I had an IQ a couple standard deviations above the mean but was LD, they gave me a key to the psych building, the code to the computer lab and sent me on my way. It was hard work but I was doing it. Then I got a job offer teaching English in Japan. It was too good to refuse. When I got to Japan, I found out Americans couldn’t work there without a degree. I stayed for a month and met wonderful people who introduced me to the best of Japanese culture. I loved it and decided to come back to the U.S. and get a degree so I could return to Japan and work.

Back home in the U.S., armed with LD DX, I got help applying for grants and loans for college. It’s a good thing I didn’t know how to get grants and loans before the LD DX. I would have messed everything up by all the dropping out. I’m still paying them off and will be for years to come but it’s worth every penny. I still haven’t gone back to Japan. While I was earning my degree I met my husband, we have our two boys and a wonderful life.

So now you know more about my life than you probably wanted.

hypermommy,
I can’t thank you enough for sharing your story…have you ever thought of writing a book?

I shared your story last night with a high school freshman I tutor. She has an above average IQ but significant memory issues as a result of a stroke she suffered at birth. She’s feeling extremely frustrated right now. Her LA teacher and she just don’t connect, and she and her parents are being pressured to transfer her to support classes as a result of Cs in LA.

The underlying implication of support classes is you don’t graduate with a regular diploma, which significantly limits your college choices. She has very definate college aspirations, which she may or may not be able to achieve. Only time will tell, but given her willingness to work harder than any student I have ever worked with, I’m not ready to discourage her before she’s ready to shift her expectations.

Your story gave her hope on a night that she was feeling very down. Thank you,
Karyn

Makes my life seem so boring and ordinary! But really it all must help give you a certain perspective when dealing with schools, life, and LD with your own children!

Beth

Thanks for the supportive responses. It feels a little strange to look back at the past and think about how it looks from other people’s perspectives. I’m glad if it offers anything of value to someone.

I think one of the most important insights I have gained for my boys is that school is not that important. Getting an education is what is important.

At learninfreedom.org there are writings by Nobel Prize winners who have some wonderfully awful things to say about school. If you have a chance, read George Bernard Shaw’s. I always did like him, now he’s my hero.