LD Kids and surviving the school years

It would be very possible for me to care less because I care a lot.

But then, you couldn’t care less, could you?

The glaring generalities about what is going on in my mind and those of the minds of other special educators is the stuff prejudice is made of. You sound like a “teacherist.”

1) The school officials are not “your buddies”: They are out to protect their “tenure”. They could care less about your kid.

(2) Fight for your kids rights all the way. Do not let them tell you your kid will not adjust in the world without inclusion. It is a myth, because human beings are human beings. When you kid is put up against non LD kids who are succeding when he is failing, it can lead to problems. LD school for LD kids is a better alternative people are a team and one for one for all.

(3) Let your kids try a new activity if they want to. Failure teaches character and how to pick themselves up. There is life outside of school. Find it !

(4) Look for social groups for LD kids or start one yourselves if the school does not have one.

(5) If your kids want to pursue higher education or vocational school, better while they are still young and have a “dead end job” instead of a good paying secure job. The ups and downs of the economy bear this out.

(6) Finally… Trust yourself and your kid ! You know more than you think you do and so do your kids.

1.) The past two years I have dealt with teachers who have told me that they do not have time to help my child. They are busy, have too many kids, and just don’t have the time, their words, not mine!

(2)< Fight for your kid’s rights all the way. > Anyone who post on this board understand that children can’t advocate for themselves, at least not right away!! My 6 yr old son was tested this year and all I kept hearing was, “He is only 5 yrs old, don’t forget he is only five years old!” < When you kid is put up against non LD kids who are succeeding when he is failing, it can lead to problems. > I didn’t understand this until I sat in my son’s classroom and watched how frustrated and upset he got when he couldn’t do the letter paper along with his peers!

(3) They might not fail, they will probably succeed!! >They might learn more about themselves!! Children need to forget school once in a while and concentrate on just being a kid!

(4) Why is this a bad idea? Wouldn’t it be helpful if my child had friends who understood how difficult school can be? Wouldn’t it be helpful to have friends to lean on when you need it? Isn’t that what adult do when they need help and guidance?

(5) this one seems pretty obvious, what parent limits the dreams of your child!! Every parent I know tell their children they can be whatever they want!!

(6) <. Trust yourself and your kid! You know more than you think you do and so do your kids. > Parents always know best!! I know I get a gut feeling when something isn’t right!!

If I get 20 million responses telling me why I am so wrong, so be it! I do not live in a happy, lets do what’s best for our children district! I live in a crappy district, that gets insane amounts of money from the state and the feds, and then tells you how they can’t help your child!! My district is about money, making sure the sports teams have new uniforms, and making sure the teachers are well taken care of!!

If you don’t live in this kind of district, well, I am jealous, but please remember before you respond, not everyone is so lucky!!

K,

I with ya on this one. Maybe we live in the same district.

I am sorry that you are not happy with your school district, however, to assume that all teachers “could care less” and “are well taken care of” by the school district is ridiculous. Who are you to say to everyone on this board that I as a teacher and all teachers do not care about our students? It is the same as saying that because you received bad service from a doctor that all doctors “could care less”. How would you feel if someone posted a statement such as yours about you? To me, teaching is a livelihood, it is who I am. It is not a job, therefore, I take such statements personally as probably quite a few teachers who will undoubtedly read your post. Granted, as I have stated before in a previous post not all teachers are perfect. This is not a perfect world that we live in. Lastly, school districts do not spend money to take care of teachers. If that were the case I would be making as much as my non-teaching peers. If you are so dissatisfied with your district you have options. If you feel that the school district is wasting your tax dollars, perhaps you need to call your county representatives as well as your local and federal representatives, to state your concerns.

My child’s special ed teacher is fantastic but she is in no position to advocate for my son. My son will be a distant memory and she will still be working with the same administrators that hold the purse strings now. She clearly loves her work but doesn’t need the stress of siding against the administrators she has to work with. It’s much easier for her to rationalize the party line. I watch as the administration drags its feet or reduces or denies services of one child after another, often with disasterous results. I understand that at the end of a day of meeting the challenges of a class room full of special needs students there isn’t much energy left for fighting for services for a child let alone all of them. If things are different in your school district, please tell us so we can all move there.

I wrote a very long two page response to your post and then I deleted it. I got to the end and couldn’t stop myself from crying. I thought of all the crappy treatement my brother got at the hands of teachers who thought they were doing a great job! All the times he was told, you are just not working hard enough or Just try harder! When he asked for help and was told, “I don’t have to help you!” The best one to date was from his aide, whom I home I never see again, he said ” You know, it takes more than one teacher to teach you!” To which my brother replied “Well, if that one teacher actually did their job it wouldn’t take more than one teacher to teach me!”

Honestly I don’t give a crap if I have hurt the feeling of any teacher. I don’t need to be nice to you and be your friend for you to do you job and teach my child. It is not right or acceptable for you to take your feelings of disgust for me and pass them on to my child!

It is about my child. The one who needs you to teach him and care about him and care that he succeeds.

I just want you to understand. This school district, the one I live in, the one you defended, has destroyed my brothers spirit. They make a lot of money, lots more than the middle class average family does.

My brother is kind and sweet and loving. He would do anything to help aomeone in need. The specialist that I mentioned earlier told me that he would ask to borrow her newspaper to read the classifieds. He knew that I, his older sister, was having trouble finding a house and he wanted to help. He would use his allowance to buy want ad books to help find car parts for this teacher. He stayed behind when his classmates went to the end of the year field trip, to help the teacher clean her room. He works on my car when it needs to be fixed, he takes out my trash, he does whatever I need. I could go on and on. He is a considerate young man and that is not because of his teachers.

I sit here writing this letter, crying, and defending my position to people who don’t understand. I cry because I think of how my 9th grade brother can only read at a 3rd grade level. Because he hates to wake up and go to school. We fight when he has to do his homework, becuase HE CAN’T READ! So I am supposed to feel bad for offending some teachers, no thanks I have enough to deal with.

Just do me a favor and remember those children in your class need your help, you are holding their tiny flickering spirits in your hands, make sure you guide each of them and treat them as if they were your own! If you don’t they will end up like my brother! A tiny bird with broken wings!

K.

Mamm:

You are right to be angry. Teachers who are involved in special ed who do not care about the students they teach remember this… U.S.A. allows you to pick a career of your choice. There are countries where that is not the choice, Cuba, Vietnam and People Republic of China. If you wanted a career where you could have an easy job, don’t take teaching. It takes a special person to teach… Unfortunately, today we have teachers who do not care to buck the system. At the Nuremburg trials in 1945, plenty of people who were brought to the dock to face justice said ” I was following orders” or I feared for my job etc..The judges said there was no defense in saying that, because you had a moral responsibility to buck the system when it did something so wrong against your conscience. So those teachers who claim they only followed school policy in regards to special ed LD kids who want assistance or refuse to say to the adminstration “this kid needs some help” not next month, year or two years from now but today”. Please realize that it takes a brave person to stand up for just and right things. No, I am not trying to equate what is occured 50 years ago to the LD kids problems, but rather to say sometimes… you gotta look at yourself in the mirror and say I cannot live with myself while this kid is left dangling by the school who refuse to fully implement the IDEA law to provide these services. This is my soap box. I now yield the floor.

I agree, I couldn’t live with myself if I knew what was going on and didn’t do anything!

K.

1. I mearly was defending myself as a teacher against someone who lumped me into a group of those who do not care. You do not know me, therefore, you can not say that, I as a teacher, do not care for the students I serve. I do not know your brother, therefore, how can you say that I am treating your brother like crap??

2. In my post I DID NOT defend your school system or anyone elses school system. You need to reread what I wrote in reference to the school system.

3. As for your assumption that I do not understand you couldn’t be farther from the truth. Not only am I a special education teacher, I am also a parent and an aunt to children in special education.I have been in the special education program one way or another for the last 14 years. I chose to teach in special education not only because of my love for children in general, but for children with special needs.

4, Where in my post do you assume that I do not treat my students as if they were not like my own?? No where is that stated. What I am merely suggesting is that do not classify every teacher as being a poor teacher. As someone who has a loved one in special education do you think that that is fair??

And to everyone else who has responded to my post. I am sorry if I upset you. I have a right to defend myself and I will defend my livelihood. I also have a right to support myself and my family. How many of you would risk getting fired because you disagreed with your administrators?? I have seen too many sp.ed. teachers not get their contracts renewed,and not be able to get another teaching job because they stood up for what is right.

I was referred to this site by a parent who was overly enthusiatic about what was taking place here. I thought I would be able to swap ideas about teaching children with others. I quess I was wrong.

Gee, maybe I should stop spending all that money I spend every year to buy those materials I feel I need to teach my students effectively. I mean, afterall, since I am only concerned with tenure, not with helping children, maybe I should rethink this affliction I have.

I suppose I could agree with one who says they want their job and salary. However, the fact remains that special ed is in trouble, and no amount of money is going to fix it if humans administer it. As for having moral courage, People do find courage to do the right thing sometimes it depends on the person. Such as the Swiss bank guard who saved the banking records from the 1940-44 period from the shredder after the banks swore they had no records of jewish depositors during the WW2 period and turned it over to the plantiffs lawyers.. He had a family to support and he could of said he wanted his job. He has U.S. Citizenship now as a result of his courage in doing the right thing. Another thing: If the public schools are not addressing the child’s problems, then the parents should be able to use a voucher to shop for a better school which will address their child’s needs instead of allowing the school to do nothing for the child. I mean no one says a word of protest when taxpayer money is used by people to attend the higher education institution of their choice is there ??? If there is an objection, then people should only attend the state college. The kid’s future is at stake…

It seems like everyone just needed to vent today. Of course there are wonderful loving teachers, and of course there are parents on this board who are having terrible experiences with their schools. One truth does not exclude the other. And there is nothing more personally painful than watching your child suffer ( I speak as a mother of an LD child) but the references to the holocaust are a bit overblown and demeaning to those that suffered genocide.

You say that because special education is currently being administered by humans and it is in trouble, then who do you suggest should teach special education? I think everyone agrees that there are many problems with special education. But how can you justify comparing the moral responsibility of educating children with special education to the annihilation,dehumanization, and oppression of Jews before, during, and after WWII? This is like comparing apples to oranges. I do the best that I can with what I have. However, you don’t mention whether the Swiss Guard confronted his superiors or whether he confiscated the files without their knowledge. Often times I (and many, many other teachers) must purchase materials for our students so that they will have what they need, and if needed, I do advocate for my kids. Just because you feel that your child’s teachers are not advocating to your satisfaction, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t occur at all with all teachers. As for the school voucher issue, President Bush has agreed that children with special needs must have access to the same vouchers as their non-disabled peers. I fully agree with the voucher system, as a taxpayer I should have the right to do what I want with my money.

My whole point from the beginning is please don’t lump all teachers into one category. However, from your responses I don’t feel that I have gotten through to you. God Bless you.

I agree with you and now I am finished.

K.,

I feel so badly for what you have been subjected to and I cry with you. This is exactly what fuels me as well. My 9-year-old son who is in counselling during the school year because his struggles and failures have been trivialized and ignored beating his self-esteem into the ground and has to go to private therapy in order to deal with school on a daily basis.

When its been documented from the beginning that his frustration level is going to hit the boiling point and he will finally explode. My telling the school of my concerns were turned against me, them telling me that because I complained about how they were treating him, they were not able to do their job. So what was their solution, just leave him alone, let him fail. That will prove their point to mom.

So, how did he respond? My precious, loving 9-year-old boy told me that if I made him go back to school, he would kill himself. None of these behaviors are present when school is out.

I’m sure my son’s situation did not keep one of the “team” awake at night.

Best of luck to you. You are a God-send to your brother. Just remember, if it weren’t for your persistence his situation might be worse than it is. Hang in there, they can beat on us, but they can’t break us.

Spec Ed Teacher, I don’t envy your position. I do, however, appreciate yur insight and posts - I have gleaned much from you knowledge in just a short time. Emotions run high when dealing with our kids. I don’t like the teacher bashing. There are poor teachers, just as there are poor politicians. There are great teachers, just like there are great leaders.

I, for one, have been blessed to have teachers who care and support me and my child. Teachers have never been my problem. Administrators I’ve had plenty of trouble with.

Anyway, just wanted to add my 2 cents. Hang in there. There are those who truly appreciate you.

I just wanted to add, my state doesn’t have a voucher system. If you want a different type of education you pay for it.

Also, I am not sure that you read my post and that you are “lumping me” together with the person writing post with the name “Alois” I by no means am comparing my family’s experience with the Holocaust. They are by no means the same.

However, I am “lumping together” the teachers in MY DISTRICT again that would be MY DISTRICT! They are not caring and compasssionate teachers, and furthermore I can “lump” them becuase I have first hand experience dealing with them! The went on strike becuase they weren’t making enough money, getting enough benefits, medical, dental, and retirement, weren’t enough. So during the 4 months they were on strike,they refused to follow IEP’s, they refused to stay after school, basically all they had to do was show up and sit in class and wait until the 3 o’clock bell!! Truth not fiction!

My brother is attending the same high school I did. I pray that he gets some of the same wonderful teachers that I had. I had great teachers, ones who cared about me and were so supportive of me. I understand, completely, what a great teacher is, I had many. My son has wonderful teachers at his private school, but again, in the district I live in, where my two brothers and sister have attended, sucks. No other word that I could post here, describe them.

I am glad that I didn’t bother to post my original respone, since it is obvious you didn’t read the one I did post!! It is hard to get someone to see the opposite side of the road when they have built a 100 mile high barrier between it!!

At any rate, I have to much to deal with, to keep debating why I have a right to talk negatively about teachers, and don’t worry I don’t just post behind their back, I let them know that they are doing a lousy job every meeting we have. Those are the meeting when to my face and my brothers face they tell him “We are too busy to help you, why don’t you work harder!!”

Disgusted, frustrated, and sick of defending my rights!

Oh yeah, and I am also a little tired of the drama!

Have a nice day!

K.

Again, Anitya, buy away, I was talking completely about my district!

I am so tired of having this discussion! From now on any time I mention the word teacher*, I will add that little asterick followed by:

The following statements are made regarding the district I live in. I am talking about specific teachers that I have had the unfortunate experience of working with. I will not post the names and district of the teacher and I am not lumping all the teachers on this board together. If I am looking to offend a specific teacher, I will post something along the lines of “NAME HERE, you are a lousy teacher!!” Thank you.

I can’t sit in front of my computer and cry again, (please refer to my post down the line)

I am concerned with one thing, my children. It is going to take me a very long time to rebuild the spirit of my brother. The last thing that concerns me is that a teacher had to buy crayons for her class, when my brother can’t read.

I come to this board for help with my siblings and my son. Every so often a post appears from someone who is obviously frustrated with their districts. Instead of offering advice people go out and attack, thank but not thanks.

Have a nice day!

K.

Thank you, and I am sorry that your son has had such a bad school experience.

My brother tends to be quiet and internalize everything, so it is hard to know what he is thinking but you can just see it on his face. I would be so upset and sad, as I am sure you were, when your son said he wanted to kill himself!

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, after my very upsetting day yesterday, I needed it!

Thanks
K.

I will just add my two cents as a special ed. teacher and a mother of a child with special needs.

I happen to be a caring teacher who spends a LOT of my personal time and money on increasing my skills to help my kids. I could be out at the pool right now but I choose to spend a couple of hours a day during my time OFF to learn. But posts like this make me want to say, FORGET IT!

If my students’ parents had this attitude, I’d quit tomorrow. Thank God, I love my students and I have the respect and cooperation of their parents.

Janis

My 8 year old told me when he was 6 that the world would be a better place without him. This was after kindergarten, which was a successful year for him. There wasn’t any reading expectation yet, we didn’t know he was LD, he made a lot of friends. My point is that if you are wired differently you know it even before its obvious to the rest of the world . That episode passed quickly, so we didn’t really persue it. Now 2 years later, and with alot of frustration and failure behind him he is in therapy for his anxiety. And I truly feel he will be fine eventually, we just have to get him thru the next several years. You are doing all the right thing for your son.

I have tried so many times to help the teachers. I do everything they have asked of me and then some. I have offered to come into school, stay after school, anything that would help my brother, all my offers have been rejected.

The special ed teacher last year wouldn’t even talk to me without a note from my Mother, I am 30 yrs old and I look 30 yrs old. Finally after twenty rounds and a letter from the Federation for Children with Special Needs advocate stating they had no choice but to speak to me, did I get to have a meeting with her.

I understand that many teachers are caring and genuinely love children but some do not. Some teachers get very annoyed that they have to do all these “extras” for just one child. I am not just making it up, they have told my family, inlcuding my brother, to our faces, we aren’t going to follow you IEP.

I am please to know that some teachers spend their OFF time working on school projects, that great, but in my district you are the minority not the majority.

K.

I’m addressing this post to the teachers who have responded to this thread. By and large, the responses I’ve seen from you have contained a considerable amount of defensiveness and anger toward the parents who are having such terrible experiences with the schools their children or siblings are in. I understand how upsetting it is to feel as if you’re being attacked for no good reason when you do care about your own students and you’re doing your best, but K. and some of these others have good reason to be angry. They’ve been mistreated and stonewalled by their own school districts, and it’s hard to feel positive about teachers and administrators when the ones you’ve had contact with are anything but caring or compassionate.

Please, instead of anger and defensiveness toward K. and the other parents, how about showing them some of that caring you have toward your own students? You can’t do anything personally about their schools, I know, but a little empathy and moral support here on this BB would go a long way. After all, they come here to vent and receive some support and ideas, but instead they’re getting attacked by defensive teachers. That’s not good. Please be on their side, OK?

Yours truly,
Kathy G.

Thank you!!

K.

Would that every child had a teacher like Sue or Anitya…well educated, skilled, knowledgeable and caring. But alas! Many teachers in the school system are lacking in these qualities let alone the LD teachers. For example, let me describe our current ld teacher in the elementary school. Her special education qualifications are in severely handicapped. She is fairly clueless about how to teach reading to dyslexics, nor does it seem that she gives a hoo-hah about it. And she’s somewhat better than most I’ve experienced…there are the downright incompetents with attitude, supported by a system that fills out the forms and nods their heads and gives verbal assurance that your child is “just fine”.

Generally as a rule, the qualified caring ld teacher in the public system is less prevalent than the kind of teacher we would all love and support. Therefore, the advice given in the original post is fairly accurate, to my way of thinking. A parent without the wool pulled over their eyes is a parent who will get their child the help they need, sooner, when it is more effective.

Thank you for your kind supportive words, Karen. It just breaks my heart though. That a precious little child has to endure this and comes to these feelings of despair at such an early age. I just worry so much and I guess we just go day by day. Above all our job is to listen to what they are trying to tell us and react, right?

Best of luck with your son too!

Thank you Kathy.

And can I add, these caring teachers can help right some of the wrongs by giving us some inside scoop. How to navigate the system effectively. They see it happening too. I find it hard to believe, especially with the nation wide response to ineffective special education programs, that they aren’t seeing this happen first- or second-hand. Many of the teachers even vent here about their administration. If the caring teachers and parents banded together, administrators would have to listen.

They worry about being sued for what they say. But, honestly, I am more apt to sue them for not doing anything rather than a good-faith attempt in trying to help my child and that is going to take guts these days.

It’s absolutely your choice to decide that because of one angry poster, it’s not worth trading ideas. HOwever, you’d be doing *exactly* what the poster did — making a generalization about a group — and based on even less.

Remember this is the PARENTING an LD child side of the BB. If you are afraid of occasional venting from parents then perhaps the teraching and LD BB may be a safer place to be. There is a problem is a whole lot bigger than just the teachers. It is a whole system that does not support them. Teachers are on the front lines and will have to bear the brunt of the parent frustration because we see each other on a day to day basis. We also see our children suffer and the most obvious source to look for help is the teacher and the school. When we don’t get any, we are angry. The problem is national so it is easy to say that 90% of teachers don’t care. Personally I think they do care but lapse into a state of deniual about the progress of the students because to face the truth and admit failure would be too devastating.
My son’s RSP treacher got so angry that she refused to let my son be taught by another RSP when I asked for a change. I tried to point out that he needed more individulized instruction , that she was already overloaded, he was a tough case, etc..anything to soften my request. After 3 years in her classroom, he did not learn to read, write or do math at ALL! She still insisted he was doing fine. I refused to sign the IEP. This woman had no problem with passing 13 illiterate children into 6trh grade. After all, she believed they were doing fine! To top it off, this woman had a great reputation as an RSP in the area!

>If my students’ parents had this attitude<
No parents (I hope) starts with this attutude. It is developed after much rejection, denial and watching their child suffer.

When I first started in this great wide world of special education, I was so eager to learn and find out how I could help!

It has taken me a long time to get this way, I could only bear so much and then I cracked!!

K.

I must say reading some of the posts here from some folks regarding my honest attempt to put some truth here into the LD debate, it seems some people have forgotten that this country has a Bill of Rights and a very important First Amendment of free speech. There have been some posts by the Special educators cursing me for adding my information into this mix. Having said that, I must say in all the years we have had IDEA close to thirty years now, there is not much success to point to. The unemployment rate amongst LD adults is twice the rate of non LD adults. They face discrimination, diminished promotion chances etc. There are very few programs in our high schools to prepare these young adults to face the workforce with meaningful skills. You can check the U.S. Labor Department statistics on employment at www.dol.gov.. At no time did I imply that all educators did not care for the LD kids. I said many educators could care less other than their tenure. This is not all educators, please read carefully. Also, I do recall the Swiss Guard who I mentioned saved the bank records from the shredder of the WW2 depositors, he did raise concerns with his supervisors about this dishonesty but was told not to stick his nose in these mattters. He showed moral courage to do the right thing, and I am saying if more educators would stick up for these LD kids who needed a voice of advocacy in spite of suppose risks to themselves, we all would be better off.

The parents or educators who posted here attacking me for bringing up WW2 and trying to link it to persecution of LD kids, I understand your quandary. Your kids are still stuck in the special education for some, it has been a hellish experience: IEP meetings have not gone well, or you might have needed a lawyer to get your child’s concerns addressed by the school administration. You may be afraid to agree with me, because you fear the school may not give your child any help or accomodations if you rock the boat curse their lousy treatment.
Anyway, those educators who feel they cannot take the heat, they need to remove themselves from the kitchen. Those who can take the heat and be “adult” about it, commendation is at hand. You who are trying to help kids, Bless your Heart” ! One last thing: In a democratic society, few subjects should be closed for discussion. This is how we improve society. Those of you who have lived in a dictatorship or under communism know how precious free speech is: We who are not involved as educators in special education, but as parents, sibblings or relatives of LD children need to add the voice in and voice diffrences with the direction children’s education is taking today. The people who do not want to hear this need to realize things have to change. Over 40 years ago, Dr. Martin King took a brave stand to change a society mistreating his people. Ghandi took a stand in 1930 against British oppression and no one will publicly say they were wrong or we should have muzzled their voice against wrongs and injustice. thank you and thanks for listening.

It is easy to listen to someone that understand what you are going through!

thanks
K.

Well Mamm:
I am sure the people who are formerly of Enron Corp would love to have your job and the job security that comes with it. Call them if you want to switch places and get a “Management Special”. Also, being a teacher does not mean being above criticism. Alot of parents are fed up with the system and the fact after many years their kids may still be reading at 4 grades below their chronological level. If the system cannot help these kids, do you not believe honestly telling their parents that you did your best and it fell short. I think they would appreciate school systems not wasting their hopes and energy.

I’m not afraid at all.

I’d even try to be supportive to her… if I had anything to go on. Alois, if you’re interested in looking for constructive ideas, ask… but gosh, if you state that I don’t care, I’m going to correct you.

about your approach wiht your original post?

Mamm:

First: Congragulations to you for being proactive with your child’s education. It takes a parent willing to make big sacrifices to ensure their kid has chances in life. I have a few suggestions for LD education, however, I doubt the school systems would entertain those ideas. (1) Reinstate a mandatory requirement that assesment reports of a child’s educational progress and LD certification must be performed every 2 years, and once this is done it will cover them for four years. (2) Inform parents that they have a right to have their child placed in an alternative educational setting (private, public or religious school to recieve a education in the least restrictive enviornment if the school system has not brought them up to par with peers in reading or math by 5th grade.The district come up with 25% of the cost of the education parents pay the other 75%. (3) Options must be explored and solutions implemented for kids who do not go on to college. (4) To get over the fear of being “sued” cap the award limit at $500,000. This would be after an attempt at arbitration by an outside mediator within 45 days of a dispute or complaint. He or she has 15 days to hear it and issue a ruling. Those are some suggestions, but I do not think the current admins or teachers would go for those ideas. This is why people get “ticked off” about LD education. Anyway, those are ideas.