how do you tell when they are lying. my m is 8 i can look her square in the face and ask her a question and 9 out of 10 times the answer is a lie. i can’t tell when the truth is the truth. she has been doing it so long she has fine tuned it. and she doesn’t understand why i have alot of trouble believing her. she lies with such a straight face. it’s hard to believe such a smart kid can pull it off.
we’ve been in therapy a short time, it seems to help some. she seems to think her lack of self esteem comes from me not having any,but that at least i’m trying she says that is great. our family has a strong bond my husband and i with the kids. she looks for dad to bail her out, he used to all the time. drove me nuts.
he doesn’t so much anymore. in his own words he tries to stay out of the line of fire. m loves him i think idolizes him. he doesn’t see it but it’s crystal to me.
if he’s working on a car she knee deep in grease right next to him. i try to talk more yell less. she says i still yell but not as much. i try to do more with her alone. dividing my time is difficult with three girls 5 6 8. look out when puberty hits around here? ugh. i find myself looking for answers i just can’t find. i tell the more she seems to expectmyself she isn’t doing it on purpose that she can’t help that she can’t focus.
she tries so hard to please me. i catch myself in thye middle of yelling now at least. i stop and talk to her. but the more i do the more she seems to expect.
any and all advice is appreciated,sorry i tend to ramble.
but that seems to be o.k. here which makes me feel right at home,which in a sense i am. thanx.
alice
Re: lying
I just caught my daughter in a lie. She is older than your daughter though. I can almost always tell when she is lying because when I ask her a question that she’s going to lie about she always hesitates for a minute before answering or she’ll look at me with this ridiculous look, like a deer caught in the headlights. So, when she does those things I immediately say, “you’d better think about what you are going to say because I will know if you’re lying.” Right now though for the lie she just told I got out my bible and went to the back of it where the concordence is and marked off all the scriptures that talk about lying and she is to write down each one of them. This way, she at least knows that the Lord hates lying and maybe next time she will remember one of the verses she wrote down. She is so mad at me right now and is in her room crying like her dog just died or something but I am not yelling or anything but talking like she has done nothing wrong but making sure that she is doing what she was told to do.
Yelling is hard sometimes NOT to do but I can tell you from experience that once someone starts yelling the person who is being yelled at just turns right off and doesn’t hear a thing. It is so hard that is for sure, but try not to yell.
Re: lying
There are different reasons for lying. Some people lie to avoid punishment. Some people lie because they like the power of outsmarting others. For some people, it doesn’t matter WHAT they lie about, as long as they can claim the feeling of putting something over on an adult or a peer. What does your therapist have to say about all of this? It sounds as though there is an element of your daughter playing you and your husband against each other. Manipulation is a big factor in lying. You need to work closely with the therapist to come up with appropriate responses for what happens when your daughter lies to you. Does she have a diagnosis? JJ
Re: lying
jj your absolutely right she does pit us against each other. not so much any more i used to tell my husband that and it was like talking to the wall. but once our therapist did geez a light went off he’s much better. in m’s own words she says when i say no she goes straight to dad.and part of the time he just overrides me. but sometimes he will ask what did mom say and she stomps off. mad as all get out. but she gets over it. our therapist hasn’t diagnosed it as of yet.but then again were newly dx this year. i’m wondering if she has any other learning disorders. time will tell this year. if she struggles i will be demanding the school have her tested. i do pay there salary in public school so technically they work for me. i have taken some advice from other responses trying not to yell although today is a bad day constant fighting. ready for school am i. remembering she is very argumenative like me is difficult when i’m mad. she always seems to be sad. hardly ever smiles low opinion of herself. and another response was right i never thought about it that way what does she have to lie about. her siblings something i told her to do.n she lies to make me happy so i won’t yell at her she tells me what i want to hear do i’m not mad. she made a comment to me why am i always mad at her. that woke me up some. makes me think more before i react.i need to do that more often. but i guess that all comes with time i have to retrain myself to be more responsive to her needs. our therapist says our house revolves around me and she is right if i’m upset the entire house is. she says i need to build my self esteem i8f i want m to have so any. she knows i don’t have any she asked me a question which seemed bazaar. when was the last time i bought myself underware, not that i don’t have any but when. well i couldn’t remember it had been so long. so we went shopping my family and i this past weekend less one child. and we went by victoria’s secrets and my husband said listen to your therapist. well i did and did it feel good. and you should have seen my family they were happy to see me happy. not one fight all day. wish every day could be that good but we all know that can’t happen, but it did feel so good to laugh and talk and just be a family it hasn’t been that good in a long time. alot of stress today so it seems like years ago already i don’t know if it is the 3rd one in that does it i’m told it usually is. 2 is great 3 is war. well i have rambled way to long thanx for your help as always any and all help is appreciated alicef
Your post is a little unclear. Many children tend to tel the truth and most of them aren’t really very good at lying. They give the lie away because what they’re saying when they’re lying doesn’t make sense. And they get nervous when they lie too.
If your daughter lies and lies well, she’s more of an exception than a rule.If I can’t prove that a child is lying, I accept what they’re saying.
But what is she lying about? Your daughter is young. How much does she need to lie about at her young age? Issues with her sisters? The life an 8 year old doesn’t have enough going on in it to be worth lying about. You need a teenager for that.
Yelling won’t stop lying in a young child or a teenager. Even though I’m sometimes a yeller too, yelling only makes them lie more. If we yell around them, they’ll tell us anything they need to so we don’t start yelling.
You have three young children close together in age. It’s a lot of work and a very challenging time and it can make anyone feel like yelling. Good luck.