My dd has been diagnosed with NVLD. I had a chance to talk with the speech therapist today. I mentioned my daughter has been telling me she has no friends, that no one likes her. The teacher said that it was unusual for her to even say that. I felt like she was telling me that my dd shouldn’t be able to tell that she had no friends—that her disability kept her from noticing it in that way.
Is that true? I know that my girl does not “get along” socially with other kids. She is much more comfortable around adults. Other children do seem to like her and enjoy her, but there is something keeping her from really making friends and I am sure that she feels it. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respond to this? If the teacher doesn’t think there is a problem, would she really take what I am saying seriously? Am I just being a worried mom?
talk to the SLP about giving her therapy in Pragmatics
This would help her know what to do in social situation. The SLP can do a lot of role playing with your daughter then have other children come in in small groups to practice their communcation skills.
Re: Not sure what to do next
My NVLD students have been interesting. At least my NVLD students have carried a certain anxiety. They worry more than is good or necessary.
Your daughter may be different and I really don’t know what the psychologist and/or teacher meant by their statement. My NVLD students were certainly able to read social situations but often read more into the situation than was there.
With this child or any other when there are social concerns, I suggest to parents they make very deliberate attempts to foster social relationships with other the students outside of school. “Playdates’ on the outside of school can have positive impact on a child’s life in school. Don’t wait for her to be invited but extend invitations to the girls in school who are friendly to her.
Good luck.
Re: Not sure what to do next
I agree with Sara, I’m not sure what the teacher was trying to say. If she meant that NLD kids don’t notice whether or not they have friends, she is dead wrong. Most NLD kids DESPERATELY want to connect with other kids, many just don’t know how. As Pattim said, that’s why pragmatics social skills work should be included in the IEP of every NLD child.
In our school system, pragmatics groups are held by the guidance councellor, though I think ideally this should be handled by the SLP. Who ever does it, it’s unlikely that the school can/will provide enough. Our sons also attend a private gym-based social skills program that is well versed in the needs of NLD kids. You have to be careful because many social skills groups cater to the needs of ADHD or “behavior problem” kids, and NLD kids can get run over in a group like that. My sons are both in groups of NLD/AS kids that function on their own levels.
If the teacher means that she doesn’t SEE your daughter having social problems, it may be hard to see from the adult perspective. We have that issue with my younger son. He has a caring, dedicated teacher that I’ve known for years and trust implicitly. She sees him as a child the others turn to for leadership and support, yet he says he has no friends. At the same time, she recognizes that his view is more important, whether she sees the problem or not. So she keeps watch, tries to make sure that he feels included (he’s likely to walk away from a group at some completely unintentional “slight” by another child) and has him in a “friendship club” through the guidance dept. at school.
I think sometimes it is hard for adults to see the social struggles of kids, but if the child FEELS s/he has a social problem, we need to address the issue.
Karen
Go to the library...
… and look for the book “Turnaround CHildren” which has some good case studies including kids with social issues, and how they were taught strategies to make friends and deal with social expectations. RIck Lavoie’s “last one picked, first one picked on” video is also good for this.
Re: Not sure what to do next
No! you no your child better than any other person. My child doesn’t play well with others, he tries very hard to fit in, but honestly he is just so akward and goofy sometimes that the other kids notice. When they do let my child play with him, it’s usually cuz, they want to be mean to him, and bless his heart he’s just so happy they are playing with him, and doesn’t realize it’s only on the purpose of being cruel. Somehow he got a social theropist and she comes once a week and counsels him to try and fit in with the others. Maybe your school has such a person too.
We discovered our son didn’t know anyone’s names. He didn’t realize the teacher said people’s names all the time. We began “coaching” him on polite things to say, ways to start converstation, nudging him to respond when kids said hello, how to approach kids at a lunch table. We helped him become more aware that kids were saying helllo and being friendly. This has been helpful. We helped him pick a child he could develop a friendship with. Then arranged a short, safe get-together. Many kids do not read social cues well. We talk a lot and observe and practice to prepare him for social situations.