I have a almost 23 year old son, still living at home,
who has been through 13 jobs since high school graduation. He has quit some, or had reduction of hours since he is perceived by employers as not catching on/forgetting tasks from day to day. We have
tried meds, job coach, supported employment, counseling,etc. He has some very negative opinions of
people and anger as he does not achieve success at much. Wondering if anyone (other parents) have had some success. I often have to remind him of daily living chores, as he does not schedule or organize very well for the next day if events are happening.
Obviously this is getting old, as I have had to be
an advocate, parent, for what seems like forever, and he is becoming helpless to be independent.
Parenting young adult son with LD/ADD who remains unemployed
I have to agree with Mandi. My son (22) has ADD and lives at home but he attends college and works. That’s part of the requirement for his continued stay in our home. He’s an adult and is responsible for his own bills, his spending money, and his room.
It’s time to let your son be responsible for his life. Don’t give him money. Let him figure out what he needs to do to stay in a job. My favorite thing to do when my son is complaining about a job is to ask him “What are you going to do about it?”. I’ll help him talk out his choices but it’s up to him to make a decision on what he wants to do.
Learned helplessness can be overcome but it will take some firm determination on your part.
Parenting young adult son with LD/ADD who remains unemployed
Seek the best expert advice, including a second opinion. Your pediatrician can be an excellent source of information about learning disabilities strategies. Ignore the people who know what they would do in your situation.
Parenting young adult son with LD/ADD who remains unemployed
Yes fabulous solution go ask a pediatrician (a doctor who specializes in children) for advice about your *23* year old son.
Is your son on medication? I am very against medication for children for a variety of reasons but if a grown up with a pretty much more or less fully developed brain chooses to take it i am not going to have issues with that. You may suggest he see someone and at his age his brain is nearly entirely developed which means these drugs were designed for his brain. (fairly fully developed) You must leave the choice up to him and provide him with some literature on a wide varity of medications that can be used to help. And also what their side effects are and what the long term effects can be and final desicion ofcourse would have to be his. But you may want to point him to a doctor that can discuss medicine as atleast a short term solution if he is not already on it. There is a time and a place for everything. And this may be the time and place to consider *all* options.
There is a simple solution for your problem…. Just STOP. STOP advocating for him STOP supporting him.Don’t throw him out, but don’t make his dinner either. You are quite clearly a piece of the problem here and not a piece of the solution. You can love your child too much you know. To the point you don’t allow them to feel the impact of their own mistakes when they make them. I know as a parent it is all you want to do is to protect your child from the big bad world… But he is 23. He will never learn these skills if you keep at him about them.Because he will just assume you will be there to pick up the pieces. So stop picking them up. Make dinner for yourself and the rest of your underage family, let his bedroom look like a disaster. Just close the door. Wait for him to realize you are not going to be over involved in his life anymore see what happens. He may come to ask advice. Then give him some. Tell him he can’t function cuz his room is a mess and it has been 2 months since he did the laundryy and tell him if you were him you would do those things so you could start looking for another job since your cabinet is no longer his and the food in it is yours. Then let him think about your advice…. Just suggest don’t order or command him to do it. believe me it will survive somewhere in his brain for some time. Not all of us with ADHD are like this. I would say we tend to be like this when we are depressed it isn’t really even about the ADHD. The problem is most are diagnosed so young and told they are different so young our hearts get broken at a very young age and both society and as a result we view ourselves as different and other than and often less than others. There is no evidence that the ADHD brain is in any way different than a normal brain atleast noe that rue science can or does recognize.
Stop being mommy and start being friend. He will have no choice but to begin to deal with his own life.