Posts and security

Hope a few others can learn from your hard knocks! Thanks for posting!

Are you tellingme that your IEP team told you that you could not bring either an advocate or an atty with you to the IEP meeting? Do you know that this is completely false, and you are welcome to bring anyone with you that you wish? Better yet, does your district know this…

We had this situation here recently. A woman had been bullied and beaten for 6 years in IEP meetings for her child. Generally the “team” would blame him for everything that happened wrong, never admitted to failing to impliment many of the basic provisions in his IEP, often refused to do the necessary accomodations as presecribed under 504, and would run roughshod over her by speaking very quickly, refusing to go into any details, and ignore anything she said (often by talking much louder than she from several different angles).

So finally, we in our local parents’ group decided the thing to do was to go together, so that there were as many of us as there were of “them”. No one but she said anything, we were there for moral support and to listen (everyone will hear something slightly different). The Sped director had prior notice (written of course) that the lot of us would be attending, but when she showed up and saw us all there she freaked out and tried to deny us entrance. Well we told her if we couldn’t all attend then we would have to reschedule the meeting and bring in the hatcjetmen for that one. She placed a call to the district office to speak to the inhouse blood-sucker, and came back to the meeting subdued but p.o’.d

I believe I would press the issue, and ask to be shown where in the Federal and state guidelines for IEP meetings is attendance limited. You might do this in person at the superintendant’s office and be sure to have your “special” friends come with you.
Oh yeh, anytime you attend ANY meetings with the “team” be sure to bring along your best “special friend” mr. tape recorder. Give them prior written notice that you intend to tape (I like to make it a “blanket” notice, stating that I will be taping every single meeting I will ever attend for as long as my child is being served by the schools. Then I make xeroxes of it and hand deliver them to the Sped director’s office, as well as to the prinicipal of my child’s school. Get the secretary there to date stamp a xerox for your records so that when they “conveniently” lose this and try to deny you the right to do so you can produce your date stamped copy with the secretary’s initials to show that you did submit it 72 hours prior to the meeting, and if they don’t bother to look at the peperwork in their inbasket that is their problem.)

Oh yeh, as far as COPPA, send a private email to the list moderators complaining about this problem. They can trace your ISP number, and then they can also run traces on others who come from the same area. That will put them onto a “short list” to see who is likely to be either sharing the information there off list or else is an actual “spy”. It is very hard to moderate lists like that which are supposed to be closed membership without geting truly anal about it and requiring interviews for membership.

and better luck with the rescheduled meeting.

That didn’t deny us a right to an atty or advocate. What they did, and for all I know they are reading this right now, they waited until we showed up for the meeting ( we were w/o the atty) then, what I will call the designated spokesperson, informed us that all the teacher had been pulled away and only one teacher was available. We found out later that day that in fact all the teachers were there except one who took a personal day off!

So we ended up wasting the whole morning. One of the family members of the IEP team can only be out of the house for limited amounts of time for health reasons, so basically it ruined the whole day.

I did complain to COPAA. I am still waiting for a response. I am really angry at myself for being so stupid. I had always gotten such good info from the members in the past it never dawned on me that there good be people on the list who were only there to be devious and scam on the parents and advocates!!

Well I learned my lesson!! Unfortunately the hard way!!

D.K.

Glad to know I’m not the only one who finds IEP meetings turn everything around to be someone elses fault. At every meeting, I hear how my son’s problems are because he doesn’t try. I even told my son this after the last meeting, and his comment was, oh
yeah, do they think I want to go to school and feel stupid everyday, do they think I like having to get up everyday and leave my friends and go to a different class because I’m stupid.
Of course, we spend countless hours telling him he isn’t stupid, but thanks to the school system, he still believes he is. But, as someone once told me, if you expose a kid to reading everyday for years and they still don’t learn to read, there is a problem. a kid couldn’t make himself not pick it up if he had the ability.
To bad the school doesn’t have this same feeling. The last conversation I had with the superident, she told me, my son’s problems were his behavior, he had countless detetions, They were
really serious issues too. he left his desk a mess, he leaned back in his chair, he flipped someone with a rubber band (in the hall during class change), he left the classroom without permission, this offense was because I told him I would pick him up after school instead of riding the bus, but didn’t send a note, because one wasn’t required all of last year. So when they called car people he got up and left, the homeroom teacher gave him a detention, for leaving the classroom without permission. Oh yeah, and another time he forgot to put his chair up on his desk at the end of the day, another detention. Serious behavior problem huh? I told her I thought his “behavior problems” were coming from feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, and the fact that he said you might as well do whatever you want, you’re going to get detention anyway. So, I had a talk with him, he hasn’t had a detention in 8 weeks, wonder what the excuse will be now?
I know I’m just venting, but feels good to know I’m not alone.

We are having similar problems with our son! He is realizing that he isn’t going to get any help and is starting to become what the school considers a “behavior problem”
For example he has begun falling asleep in class. Not because he isn’t getting enough sleep but because he can’t do the work. He kept gettting sent to in school detention. He picks a fight when it comes time to do homework. You name we fight about it. He also thinks he is stupid, for a really long time when anyone asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said garbageman because he thought that was all he could ever be. Now please don’t be offended if you are a garbage man, I am not in any way shape or form putting it down. I am just saying he really wants to own his own business, working on cars, or a landscape business, he even has shown an interest in taking over my families catering business, but he thinks he can’t do any of that because he is too stupid.

I wish the school could be in my house when he shuts down and this glazed look comes over his face and he tells you he is too stupid to learn!! Maybe they would start treating him a little better!!

K.

I am kind of confused on how this is related to your post on COPAA? Can you explain more?

I was answering Kathytoo who was speaking about her own son!!

K.

yes,I know your last posting was to Kathytoo,but what I was asking how did you figure out someone must have known you on the coppaa listserve. Maybe I am still niave,but heck all big wigs made it a point to be at my IEP meetings,not that it intimidated me much,they sure tried. Post or no post. Just curious about it.

Yes, and there are other ways information can leak out. Plus, there are legitimate times that a meeting is cancelled because an essential team member is truly ill or tending to an “emergency” family situation.

You would be well advised to try to always use an alias on any message board, to the extent it is possible.

My district has instructed us to immediately call the dir. of sped. if a parent shows up with an attorney AND they have not previously informed us.

Our invitation has a place where the parent can write in the designation of anyone they plan to bring. District is required to tell you up front who will attend, at least by title, you give the district the same courtesy, at least by title. If you were to arrive for an IEP meeting to be introduced to the district attorney, you should do the same thing: cancel on the spot and write a letter to the effect that you were not previously informed of the presence of this individual and the meeting is not on equal footing.

I am still not wholly convinced the info. leaked from the website you mentioned. The mere fact of your showing up with an attorney in tow, SURPRISE! would possibly put a quick end to that meeting. It is pointedly not fair to have an attorney at any meeting w/o the other side knowing in advance. Advocates may be another issue, they are not legal eagles. An attorney is a like shark and could make mincemeat of an well-meaning, pretty much law abiding teacher who just doesn’t know how to speak legalese.

Sorry, we found out after we went to the school for a meeting and a teacher representitive told us that all the teachers were called away and onlyone teacher was available. Later in the day one of the teachers was overheard saying they, the school, cancelled the meeting because some administration big wig (their attty) could not come to the meeting. Also, we found out later that the teachers were in the building except one who took a personal day.

First of all, the atty was not present at the meeting. We walked in alone. The atty did not come. Second they never sent home an attendance sheet to us, so that we could indicate who would be present. The school already knows we have the services of an advocate and atty. We had to use them last year when the school was lying to us and creating problems, it took the school an entire year to write and IEP, an IEP we just found out is grossly incompetent.

My family has been treated like the scum of the earth by this school. I could fill page upon page with the illegal things the school has done to us. I don’t care if the teachers are afraid and the lawyer does turn them into mince meat. When the head of the team of teachers informed the student that she didn’t have to follow the IEP if she didn’t want to (and she doesn’t follow it, not even one accomodation on a huge list) she opened the door to a feeding frenzy. Also we were told that the teachers in my district are so protected by the union that unless they hit a child they can’t be fired.

I went to the school and handed every teacher and IEP and the IEP accomodations list and that still didn’t help. I think that the school district and the teachers expect me to sit around and play stupid.

Why must I keep defending myself? An IEP was written and now they must follow it. If they choose not to then they must pay the price.

K.

Maybe I’m naive, but I think that as long as I always speak fairly and truthfully, I shouldn’t have to worry about who sees my posts here, even if they are from our school system.

If you hang around this type of forum, you get to know various people’s styles. I’ve picked up on more than one person using more than one BB with a different screen name. I had no reason to question them at the time, but later found out that my suspicions were correct. If something were REALLY sensitive information, I don’t think I’d post it on any web site, bb or mailing list.

Karen

Well I guess I am naive right along with you because I didn’t post anything I felt wasn’t appropriate and I wasn’t being sneaky. I am not naive in knowing that this is how my school district gets around doing their job.

We had similar problems last year. Last minute cancellations because people weren’t available, or forgot there was a meeting, or took the day off because it was National Pecan Day. There have more reasons than I can remember.

Like I said in an a post in this same line. I am really sick of having to defend myself over the school. The law says that if there is an IEP in place it must be followed, implented, and used to give the child the opportunity to succeed. I am happy for parents and family members who don’t have to go through these struggles and the school happily complies with the law, I am not that lucky. I spend more time defending my positions then getting things done!!

K.

Well, I hope you don’t feel like you needed to defend yourself to me. It doesn’t look to me like you did anything wrong. But if that is the case, then why worry about whether they read something you post on the COAPA list? It sounds like they are more than capable of making up excuses without you!

I’m all for working with the school if they will do that, but I wouldn’t have any problem with calling in the big guns if I needed to. We almost got to that at one point, and then they backed down. But I learned my lesson. I NEVER go to a meeting without an advocate.

In the school my son is in now, they have alwas been helpful, and seem very willing to do the job they are supposed to be doing. But I was badly enough burned in the old school that I won’t take the chance again.

Karen

You are aware that a teacher was sued successfully for not following an IEP. I believe this teacher was personally sued and had to pay up from his own monies. Get your lawyer looking for that precedent. Those teachers have no right to violate the IEP.