I reackon there are two sides to every story. For the teachers that wrote me and was aggravated with what i said, I’m sorry, I never ment to affend anyone, i was just venting and never ment to single anyone out. If i had to be real honest with myself and out of 7 years of teachers i can truely say my son has had 3 great teachers that, went the extra mile to look beyond the politics and teach what ever method reached my son. Unfortuantley ya’ll are a rare breed, and too little far and between to be a consistent part of my son’s education. For every year of a teacher that doesn’t reach my son , the year before is wasted and we pray for a understanding teacher the next. The sadest thing is….why blaming someones seems to put anger to good use, in the end it’s the children that lose. So heres a question? If we as parents and teachers are this agrravated, i wonder just how a child deals with this?
Re: That's a good question
I’m guilty of ranting about what a teacher did or did not
do……. and I kick myself later when I realize that I ranted
in front of my son.
I try to talk a lot about how teachers don’t mean to not
help him but that they are very, very busy and it is hard
for them to be able to remember everything.
I also tell him that ‘we’ are the final ones responsible for
his education and that asking that something be done is
not being ‘rude’ to the teacher. But very hard for my son
to do. Was difficult for my daughter when she was in the
middle of an asthma attack to ask to get help - must be
that middle school age.
Anne
Re: That's a good question
I try not to rant and rave about a teacher in front of my son too, although I don’t know why, this particular teacher sure doesn’t mind ranting and raving about my son. “He’s very social”, she says, I say good, I’m glad the wonderful school system hasn’t found a way to take that away from him, while they have accomplished to strip him of his self esteem.
And, these are the reasons I don’t want him at the next meeting I have with this teacher ( they suggested he be in attendance) He doesn’t need to hear what she has to say about him, to destroy more of his self esteem, and he doesn’t need to hear what I say to her, to make him disrespect her even more.
Re: That's a good question
personally I love ranting and raving here on this bulletin board.What an outlet. Makes me feel a hundred times better,and actually keeps me from having as many verbal debates elsewhere,such as in the IEP meeting.Heck,it is a dress rehearsal for what to say to all those typical teacher comments. “We have too many students,we have not enough help,experience,knowledge,parental involvment,cooperation etc. Basicly,whether or not I am being a “been burned and now cynical” special ed parent,I have heard these comments for a long time.
Do not get me wrong,I have a LOT of respect for any teacher caring enough to frequent these boards,that right there is proof enough that they must work hard and strive to do an even better job. This goes for any parent.
But lets face it. We are on one side of the fence and they are on another. Both parties need to coexist,but both have different priorities and positions. They MUST worry about how large their class is,how much help they get,how much education etc.,Our position is different. We say,we can not help the fact that you might be Overworked Underpaid,Unappreciated,etc..And the most important student you have is my kid. Now we can be empathetic at your plight,but not at the risk of our child’s educational experience. It just will not ever happen.
The point is,I love the teacher’s on this board,I apologize for making you my whipping post,but it is better to do this,at my computer,with no shoes on and in my nightgown,then sitting in a conference room fighting for my kids future.
This is what we are doing,this is why we seem unsympathetic,it is my kids future,or your continuious complaints about the same thing over and over again.
My feelings exactly!
This is exactly how I feel. I know teachers have more than one student to worry about, but when at an IEP meeting, it is my child we are discussing. When at a meeting, discussing my child, I don’t want to hear about how hard it is for some other kid. While my heart goes out to that child, I can’t save them all…..I’m there for my child.
So thanks Socks, once again, you’ve done my talking for me!
Re: response
Hi, this is two of the many websites I’ve found in my self-propelled crash course in being a parent advocate for my child.
http://www.fetaweb.com/101.htm
http://www.wrightslaw.com/
It helped me especially with knowing about ‘gatekeepers’ whose job it is to say ‘no’ to everything. It also helped to learn about the study showing attitudes most educators and administrators take toward a child with learning disabilities. 80 percent of the time, they blame it on the kid, and the other 20 percent they blame on the parents and homelife. Never do they blame their curriculum, administration or teaching. Instead of getting mad about that, I decided to accept it de facto and continue on with that little bit of knowledge that keeps me ahead in the game.
Venting, ranting will only get my requests ignored, and as much as I’d like to indulge my selfish whims to retaliate against my daughter’s school, I realized where that could lead to my daughter being considered the kid of a pest and me losing all credibility. What I plan to do from this point on is simply present my daughter and myself in the best possible light while hammering home to the other members of her ARD committee that I’m competent, knowledgeable and fully willing to be firm without being nasty. Keeping pristine records of every conversation, letter or meeting, being ‘there’ and insisting on goals progress feedback, a host and myriad of other business-like attitudes will get my kid what she needs. A Fair Appropriate Public Education under the law and within the guidelines.
I still have much to learn, but when I’m through, I promised myself to launch a special education parents advocacy group in our district. I’ve really had to take an ice bath to my emotions (which is so hard to do when somebody is screwing up your kiddo), but I love her enough to do that for her. Will she appreciate it? Probably not, and that’s not the point. Will her school think I’m incredibly smart? Nah…they’ll just see that the things I’m asking for are legal, enforceable and proven with education codes and documentation. Barring that, I’ll take them to the next step, which is a hearing.
God, this is so darn hard! It’s unfair…and yes, I resent all this work just to get my daughter educated to her needs. But I swear, I intend on saving some other parent’s butt this heartache. What I learn, they’ll know too.
Bonita
Re: bravo
Oh how I agree with all that you have said. Why does it have to be so hard? We have tried to get a parents group going in our district. The same 6 people show up. They are mostly the parents with children who have physical or obvious disabilities. Those who have the mild to moderate difference do not show up, I don’t undestand why. My biggest complaint is that the school does not guide and/or educate parents on how to read test scores, where to find resources, what the law is and where to find it, etc. It is almost like they count on us being uninformed and passively go along with what they suggest. (I would guess that it comes down to money, what they are willing to spend on individual children?) The more I learn (on my own), the more angered I get that this happens. This process takes up so much of my waking moments (and wakes me up at night) and I feel like it is so one-sided. Does my son’s 4th grade teacher and SPED teacher lay awake at night trying to come up with a more creative approach to my son’s regression. Probably not. But they are supposed to be the EXPERTS and it has already taken me three years of intense after-hours investigating (since I have my own full-time job also) just to get him to the point he is right now, and he is still regressing yet he wouldn’t even be that far had I not been the “pushy parent.” Are they concerned about him as an individual? You would have a very hard time convincing me that they are. So as parents we persevere as lone soldiers but I am convinced that it is worth it in the end. Right?
Re: bravo
Absolutely, sweety! You hang in there…your son is worth it!
One note of advice that I’ve learned very recently…if your son is regressing, then you may have a legal complaint after FIRST requesting a hearing if your son is denied remediation resources to bring him up to speed. Certainly you have enough already to make a complaint to your state’s board of education. If the school continues to cause regression in your son’s levels, then he is being denied a Fair Appropriate Public Education under the law, and you could possibly have enough reason to put him in private education and have the school district pick up the tab. How’s that for advocacy?
I love what I’m learning…it makes me feel so empowered instead of powerless.
Bonita
That’s a good question, I wonder how a child deals with this.
IMO, they deal with it by shutting down, and then you get to hear about how they don’t try.
Don’t worry I’ve made a few teachers mad too, but when it’s your kid, it’s a whole different ball game.