I have a beauitiful nine year old daughter who has been struggling all her life. She has had developmental delays in both large and fine motor skills. I always questioned her development to her pediatrician from a very early age when she failed to thrive. I was told that all children develop at diffrent times. She was my first child and everything at that time seemed ok except her delayed large motor. At her first confrence in kindergarten I left crying. The teacher told me she had difficuly with both fine and large motor that they were imature for her age. I then requested some testing to be done. She at that time qualified for S/L and started receiving services. We had her tested again in 1st grade to see if she qualified for additional services. Her scores were two grade levels behind but did not qualify for additional services. I held her back that following year to repeat first grade and she made some great progress. I was able to pick up adaptive pe for help with her large motor as well as vision. I was told that year she could be tested again in the fall of second grade which brings us to our most current iep. My daughter did qualify for additonal services and was catagorized as cognitively impaired as well as S/L. This is what brought me to this sight and I have been researching like crazy. I immediately called my pediatrican and told him I wanted a referral. He told me to come to the office so he could look over her iep. I received a call from him the following day and he has referred her to a pediatric neurologist which we will be seeing on the 17th of this month. Can anyone who made it through my long posting give me any advice on what I can say to my daughter about why we are seeing this doctor. Her pediatrician had ordered a thyroid panal after reviewing her iep so he could send it to the neurologist and she said to me at that time why do I have to have this “I’m not sick mommy” I want to be better prepared for her questions with all that we are about to face. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Traci
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Traci - Follow you instincts!
We had the same problem with our daughter about the same age (3rd grade). One differece was the teachers always told us she was on track for her grade. It was hard to watch her struggle and began to deal with depression. She is a bright child and was the youngest in her class. We considered holding her back. The school and her pediatrican didn’t feel anything wrong. We went on our own to a pediatric Neuropsychologist who did testing for LD’s. The results was her stuggles were due to dyslexia and holding her back would not help her.
I have learned to trust my instints when it concerns my childeren. No one knows our childeren better then the parents.
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This is great advice! I am sure that even before all the doctor visits began your daughter was aware that she faced challenges that many other children do not. If you talk to your daughter about what is going on truthfully, and at a level that she can understand, she will feel better, not worse. Based on my own experience with my son, who was first diagnosed with motor difficulties at age 5, the sooner you do this the better. Left to their own interpretations, kids often conclude that the reason for their difficulties is that they are stupid or weird or just not as good as other people. They blame themselves for things they cannot help and don’t understand. Talking about things in a way that recognizes the difficulty but is still positive really will help. Mel Levine calls this “demystifying.” I highly recommend that you get his book “All Kinds of Minds” and read it with your daughter. I hope this helps.
Andrea
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I read once on another message board that a 6 year old boy with Asperger Syndrome was taken to so many psychologists and psychiatrists and no one ever told him why, so he began to think he was going to all these doctors because he must be dying. I think it took months of the parents and psychs telling him he was not going to die, and they finally told him why he was always going there, so I think now he feels better about it.
For me, I have Asperger Syndrome and no one ever told me anything, tested me, or anything. I just felt like no matter how much I struggled in certain things, I was just stupid in those things. In high school I felt like such a failure, especially because I had no friends and I could not understand why other kids did not like me, I was suicidal and attempted it several times.
I am sure you don’t want your child to believe she is dying or stupid. I am sure you don’t want her to be depressed and maybe even suicidal. I would suggest what the other people did. Decide a few areas where you know that your daughter knows she has a hard time, like the motor skills or whatever. Then explain to her that you are trying to learn why she might be having those difficulties, and maybe together you and she can find a possible reason, or at least find out what is NOT a reason, so that might help both of you find ways to help her improve in those areas where she is struggling.
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It sounds to me like your daughter might have dyspraxia, often called clumsy child syndrome. You might want to read a new book by Dr. Jacqueline Stordy called: “The LCP Solution: The Remarkable Nutritional Treatment for ADHD, Dyslexia and Dyspraxia.” LCPs are long chain polyunsaturated fatty acids that are required by the brain for proper neurological functioning. Many parents are getting good results with nutritional supplements of essential fatty acids (EFAs). You might also want to visit her web site called www.drstordy.com
I put my son on essential fatty acids—mostly for ADHD type stuff, but he has some motor issues as well. This is not a quick fix—it can take months to see results. His sports skills have definitely improved!
When I take my son to a clinician for testing of some sort or another, I usually talk about how doing X is difficult for him and how we’re going to find ways to make it easier and how this person is going to help us. He has a high enough level of trust from our shared experience that he can buy into it.
Good luck!
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I ditto the words of Margaret.
Follow your gut and heart about your child.
Our son is in the same ship as yours.
You are the best ADVOCATE for your child no matter what others think. Teachers and principals do not know your child better.
Please keep in touch with me if you need adult support.
KMM
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Hi Traci,
You might want to explain to your daughter that the doctor she is going to be seeing is a specialist who works with kids all the time. Emphasize that she is not sick, but that sometimes pediatric neurologists can help figure out ways to make school and other kinds of activities easier for kids. Let her know the information her doctor gets from her appointment(s) can help you and her teachers to help her.
Also, check out Dr. Mel Levine’s website at allkindsofminds.org
Best wishes JJ
I read your heartfelt message. There are many of us here at LdOnline who understand. We face similar challenges each day, maybe perhaps in different ways but we are here to assist you in any way that we can.
My best advise to you is to listen to your child and be honest with her. The more things that you do to help her when she is younger the easier things will be for her in the long run. That is what I did with my daughter, I told her to trust me that I knew what I was doing and that we were going to get her some help. I told her it wouldn’t be easy but that it would be worth it. I now have a child who still has LD’s and ADD but at least she is reading and writing and doing much better than she was a year ago. She is on the road to learning and we are like the little engine that could…We don’t give up we keep saying we think we can…and so on…
Hang in there and if I can help you let me know.