My son at 15 has just been diagnosed with ADHD/inattentive type. He is very bright/social/creative. One of the problems at home has been temper tantrus—something we’ve seen a lot of. He just seems to explode, then just as quickly recovers—but the damage has been done in that he has adopted a position that is not acceptable.
Is this emotionality a part of ADHD? If so, how do other parents deal with it ?
Ellen
Re: Temper tantrums
Emotionality can be a part of ADD/ADHD. ADD/ADHD doesn’t always do well with change and change is a big part of life. ADD/ADHD can have low threshholds of frustration so when met with change, as we are in life, they quickly react with frustration.
It’s hard to deal with it. With my own teenager, I’ve learned I need to stay calm through it all myself as he seizes upon my uncalm reaction to have one of his own.
You say your son quickly recovers. But upon recovery, he doesn’t change his position? What about asking him if he really feels that way or was he speaking in the heat of the moment?
If you know he’s taken a position out of emotionality, give him the opportunity to change it. Put it off for a day and tell him you both need to think about it for a day and then you’ll start a new conversation around it.
Good luck.
Re: Temper tantrums
my son used to have terrible temper tantrums. He is now 21 and has the most even temper of anyone I know. Anyway, since your son is 15 and old enough to be reasoned with, I would explain to him, at a time when neither of you are under stress, that he needs to control his temper and why. Explain that tantrums at his age are not only unbecoming, they tend to make the other person become unreasonable also. Explain that calm discussion of ideas is the best way to get his point across. That this adult manner of dealing with problems will allow you to understand his position and his calmness will allow him to understand your points and perhaps come to a mutual compromise. If he falls back into a tantrum simply tell him that you will not discuss the matter until he is ready to discuss it in a calm, adult manner. Then simply walk away and DO NOT let him pull you into the battle. Discuss what will happen ahead of time if a tantrum occurs so he will be forewarned. Hopefully this will help. It worked for me.
My son is 9, not 14 but I stick with the old adage that they don’t play to an empty house. I just state (not explain) that I understand that he does not agree but that I will not respect him by having a discussion if he does not respect me by speaking instead of freaking; I then restate my position and walk away. Believe me it does not always work but on most occasions just hearing the words understand and discussion help to pull him together enough for him to come and talk to me in a normal manner.
I find that this happends most often during homework when his meds are wearing off and during transitions so we try to avoid the siutations by keeping up with homework that could be completed ahead of time and by verbally reminding him of transitions in 5 minute intervals beginning 15 minutes ahead of time.
Hope this helps at all. Try the book, 123 Magic even though it is more for younger kids because you can adjust it to older kids.