Hello friends
My children are back from a week at summer camp followed by another daycamp while staying with grandparents. My husband and I actually found a place to live in Bremerton while they were away and we are slowly moving over to “the other side of the pond”.
My sons homeopathic medicine was misplaced somewhere between Grandma’s car and our home. Can’t find it anywhere. This morning he woke up late, very hungry and particularly grouchy….and on day four without the homeopathic medicine. (pardon the build-up-I’m trying to set the stage…)
During a particularly frustrating vision therapy task I asked him to “pinky swear” that he would come back to the task after a break. Instead of pinky swearing he grabbed my finger, jerked it around and nearly broke it…or so it felt. I was stunned, stabbed and enraged. I can’t say I handled it well. After we both cooled off he apologized and I made it clear that behavior was unacceptable. (I also remedied the frustrating situation-we are learning our way around a new program / application)
I am embarrassed, but also scared that my son would hurt me in anger and think little of it. I wonder where I’ve gone wrong as a parent. To make the guilt worse, I’m a teacher and my knowledge of early childhood ed. and child development isn’t helping me right now.
Aside from getting him back on his homeopathic medicine ASAP, what would you reccommend? I know very little about ODD other than he is showing all sorts of symptoms. I am feeling like a failure as a parent and need help getting through to him before he starts making more stupid choices in life. His anger is going to get him trouble someday.
Thank you,
Frazzledmom in eastern WA
Violent outbursts: how do you deal with them?
How often is this happening? First time you handled it well. If it continues than behavior management would be next. Consquences for his behavior. Earning things on a point system.
I would also set up a quiet station in your home that if he is beginning to feel himself getting angry that he can go to until he calms down. Really appreciate that behavior that he understands his own body.
Learned long ago we can blame and feel guilty or we can strategize and come up with a plan. A plan gives me something to fall back on when I feel overwhelmed and hurt by the behavior.
Set the limits. He has to have so many behavior points to do what he wants for example 15 points = riding his bike for a half hour, etc.,
ODD = ? Oppositional Defiance Disorder? Same thing, put a behavior plan in place. Talk with his teacher at school if they are seeing the same thing. A BIP Behavior Implmentation Plan would also work and have the rules follow those at home.
Hope this helps.
I would really recommend a full psychiatric evaluation. Rages can come from a number of different things and can be helped. If this is getting worse, instead of better, then something else needs to be done. Anger/ODD issues are NOT always all about parenting. Often there is a biological reason behind them that need to be corrected.
I would also recommend reading The Explosive Child by Ross Greene - http://www.explosivechild.com/ This book has a lot of really good information on working with kids who are explosive.
You can also try Parenting with Love and Logic. There is also a version for teachers. :)
Unfortunately, teachers are some of the most unprepared to handle difficult kids because of how they are taught child development SHOULD go. Kids often don’t follown those developmental “rules”. Thinking outside the “developmental box” is often necessary to handle kids who have a variety of issues.