visit with therapist

My daughter had anger issues while taking adderall. She does much better with concerta. She is also being treated for anxiety and that helps immensely. In fact, I believe taking care of the anxiety has been the key to a lot. She receives weekly counseling with a psychologist. We have a meeting at the school next week that the psychologist will be present for as well as her neurodevelopmental specialist. Maybe something similar would be helpful in your case. I also signed a consent form so the dr could speak directly to my daughter’s teachers. I find that I can’t be objective so I find it a real plus that the dr can talk to the teachers and kind of get a feeling for what is really going on.

I read your thread the other day, but didn’t have time to add my 2 cents. So here it is!
I’m glad the therapist didn’t make a big deal of the school incident. IMO, for a kid in first grade, with ADHD or not, this IS a ‘typical kid’ thing!

Of course, I agree that it must be taken seriously — but not because I think you may have some terrible emotional disturbance problem. Just because, at 6 we may SAY things — but we need to learn that some things are NOT OK to say, even if we are mad…so this is really just a ‘teaching moment’ for you, to help your son learn both how to handle his frustrations appropriately, and to make sure that the real frustration and anger behind the comment is dealt with. If you have constant problems of this sort, or actual violence, then that is different — but it doesn’t sound as if you do. At this young age, kids with real ED problems would be doing much more than expressing a fantasy desire to blow up the school…so I don’t think he has an ‘anger’ problem — just immaturity and academic problems!

Dr. Haim Ginott (I think) said ‘give him in fantasy what he cannot have in reality’ in speaking about how to help children learn to deal with frustration — so his comment can act as a way to teach that some things make us feel better to ‘think’, but we would never do them, so we should never say them…hope this makes sense. For instance, when my son was small and wished for something, it always helped to agree, rather than say ‘no’ or belittle his desire, for instance to avoid school: ‘YES! I wish it was a stay-home day today! Wouldn’t it be lovely…but I have to go to work, and you must go to school. Hooray that today is thursday and only two more sleeps until Saturday when we can stay home…now, let’s talk about what we want to do on saturday, while you get your things on…’ Maybe in the same way, you can use his comment to talk about his school hatred, how you are going to help, as is his therapist, and how he can better deal with his frustration and anger…I still believe it is not wrong to ‘think’ revenge thoughts, provided we keep them to ourselves! So you can teach him this important, ‘growing up’ lesson…

My son had a similar incident —at a slightly more alarming age — in Gr. 4. In response to long-term teasing by a classmate (who had HUGE issues, but the school couldn’t do much with him) my son said: “I wish I could find my father’s bb gun and then I’d fix YOU!” (note he said ‘find’, cuz although it did exist, it was well kept and out of the reach of my son. And note he said ‘wish’ — you can tell his mother read a great deal of Dr. Ginott and ‘How to talk so Kids will listen…’ by Maizlish and Farber. But it was still NOT OK to ‘say’!)

ARGGGGHHHH…major freak-out by the school! They wanted to call the cops due to ‘zero tolerance for threatening’…I know my child well, so was not worried about this as a ‘threat’, though I knew to take it seriously as an inappropriate comment. Luckily, he was not yet 10 — we called our lawyer who told us they could NOT involve police unless we consented, since he was under 10YO. (in our area — others may have different ages of ‘responsibility’ — good to know this in advance!) For such a comment by a 9YO with provocation, and a totally first offence, we felt that a strong talking to by teacher, principal, and parents, was plenty, regardless of ‘the times’. Making too big a fuss is sometimes as bad as doing nothing at all, IMO.

My son learned fast — that you DO NOT threaten ANY type of violence, even in fantasy, even to make yourself feel better — some things we DO NOT say! And having the freak out, plus not only his mom but his DAD having to leave work and come to school — lordy, he took it seriously. Of course, given his age, we HAD to make a fuss — it was basically his last chance, even though it was absolutely the first occurance. Due to zero tolerance you CANNOT say this sort of thing, no matter what the excuse or provocation, after the age of 10, or the police WILL be involved — and I fully agree that it MUST be that way, or no-one is safe. But your son is very young, and I think it is not a huge ‘red flag’ — just a good opportunity to ‘nip some things in the bud’ that, if ignored, could become serious problems.

Best wishes!

I’m sorry , I should of clarified that my dissapointment was about the med situation. This is all so new to me that I think I’m looking for a miracle. My husband said the same thing about school, he wants me to leave him alone. I just don’t see that he is the child he should be at 6. Before this came about I was very anti-med, but watching him I had to try for his sake. I’m just not thrilled about the switching of meds until we find what works. It’s scary!!!

Melissa,
My son is 5 1/2 and I am struggling with the whole medication ordeal as well and he has some severe low frustration issues. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppostional Defiance Disorder (ODD). He aso has a severe speech disorder and other issues as well. His school psychologist says we must monitor him for possible ED or juvenile bi-polar. On the otherhand his neuropsychologist reffered to his behavior as symptoms of “anxiety”, though from what little I know about that, I just don’t see it.
Sometimes I just think it’s all a natural reaction to his complicated mixture of “issues”, and at other times I feel a gut wrenching fear that he might be bipolar (I also have a half brother who is, and it is hereditary)
Due to his temperament (which is a whole different looking problem than ADD/ADHD) his pedatrician called the Hospital and found a medication called Focalin which is one of the purer forms of stimulants (dexmethylphenidate) and has the least amount of mood altering side effects. The problem with the Focalin is that it’s not long acting yet, (they are working on making one) so it has more of the peaks and valley effects as you give two doses a day, 2.5 mg each, which is equivalent to the higher 5 mg doses of other short acting stimulants. (like I said, it’s a purer form)
I did however, switch him to Ritalin LA 10 mg because I wanted it to last until he could go to his OT and ST after school. (He wasn’t cooperating at all) But since I switched him I do see the mood swing side effects the Doctor warned me about, so I’m not so sure it was worth it.
I read that it’s not uncommon for a young child to be mistakenly identified as ADD when they are actually bi-polar, and that is often evident when medications have a strong behavioral side effect of severe mood swings, or depression.
Well, non of this is to imply that your or my son is bi-polar, but its’ just something you may want to investigate if things get worse. And the Focalin might be worth a little research or discussion with your Doctor.
I do like Elizabeth’s attitude about the school incident, she’s right on the money there. And I know you agree too. You are concerned about his overall happiness, so am I about my son . Good luck getting to the bottom of it. Keep us posted.