What parents should expect during TEAM process

The one thing I learned at this week’s IEP is something I had heard before but refused to believe. I heard it from Peter Wright at a Wright’s Law conference and I heard it from my lawyer husband. Do not trust anyone to tell the truth regardless of how good a relationship you may have with them. I was responsible for all of the holiday parties in my son’s class. I donated half the things on the teacher’s wish list. I complimented her teaching often. I brought in materials and facilitated art and cooking projects. We communicated often. My son’s teacher told me what she would be recommending at the next IEP meeting. It wasn’t even something that I agreed with but it was more than what the administration wants to provide. I told my husband and he said she would lie in the IEP and I defended her swearing that she wouldn’t lie AND SHE DID LIE. I should have known that the administration had gotten to her when she was acting distant at the beginning of the school year. I am so angry with her that I hate the idea of sending my son back into her class next week but there is no better situation for him available. What does that tell you? Even the best teacher’s will participate in the administration conspiracies. I may be the wrong one to talk about facilitating productive IEP meetings right now since I don’t know what a productive IEP meeting looks like. As everyone here says, document everything. Also, read everything several times after IEP meetings before signing anything because it has been my experience that the school administrators are capable of writing down the opposite of what has been said. We have even started bringing court reporters to our IEP meetings. If anyone has any suggestions about how to politely rip my son’s teacher a new one this week without further damaging our relationship, I’d love to hear them.

I think parents should realize that they have no legal say into what specific programs will be used with their children. I hired an advocate who wrote a great IEP, which the district accepted. They then proceeded to try and implement it using the same ineffectual program as they used before. Their excuse—it wasn’t done correctly the first time!

Schools interpret multisensory very liberally.

Beth

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Unfortunately, my experience was that when the chips were down, and I was still in the naive phase of trusting the school to do what was right, my rights were rolled over but what seems to be a better than average school system in a better than average state.

While the school always stayed on the right side of the law, I find their methods of dealing with parents to be an unethical game. When they pressured me to take my older son off his IEP at the end of second grade, it was sprung on me without warning at a meeting I attended alone. I didn’t know that I didn’t need to make the decision and sign then, and of course, they didn’t tell me that.

Likewise, during the following year, while I tried to get them to recognize the mounting problems with him off his IEP, (interestingly, his classroom teacher agreed with me, it was stonewalling on the SPED staff’s part) I repeatedly suggested that we re-test him. They kept telling me he didn’t need it, and I was green enough not to realize that all I had to do was put it in writing and they HAD to do it.

I finally hired an advocate, and started learning my rights instead of trusting the school to do what was right. I haven’t had a major problem as long as I’ve known where I stood legally, and let them KNOW (respectfully and politely) that I knew my rights.

In fairness, I understand why this happens, and can’t really blame the school personnel. They are dealing with tight budgets, teacher’s unions and school boards. It isn’t hard to see why it’s only the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. If they can do just enough to keep a parent complacent, they can spend the least money possible on the child.

In a way, they did me a favor by backing me into a corner and out of my complacency. I didn’t let things get as far out of hand with my younger one when he started having problems.

Karen

I think the best parent at the IEP is the well educated one - I mean re: the law and what their child’s rights are. I agree with Karen in that once they find out tha you know your stuff, you are willing to document and write the school board letters, etc., they become a lot more willing to do what they are supposed to do. Unfortunaely, for every 1 parent that does know the law and what their child’s rights are, there are the other 99 that don’t. They can gamble at the meetings by misleading the parents (mildly put) in the hopes that they will never figure out the truth. It takes a lot of time, persistence, and stress to make the school do what they’re supposed to do. Most parents also believe that the school knows best and has their child’s best interests in mind. Most schools don’t.

Well Janet, no small topic you have here!

How to be a good advocate?

Well, in my experience, reading about my legal rights held one key as did joining a local family resource center and attending parent training’s.

Also, connecting with other parents of children with disabilities was key. I did this online, message boards, support groups, CAC meetings. NETWORK!
Honing my skills in collaboration and negotiation skills was also helpful.

Joining key organizations like COPAA (council of parents, advocates and attorney’s)
Reading the state code and then going back to federal regulations to double check what I’m told… (thanks pete wright for this advice)

Learning to carefully log and document my interactions with school staff, both good and bad. ( a preventative measure)
keep an up to date duplicate of your child’s file.

Learning NOT to react quickly when something angers me regarding my special needs child and implementation of their IEP.

Learning to think ‘outside the box’ for solutions to problems.

Learning to be supportive.

Learning to ask TEAM members how they think the problem should be solved.
Audio recording my TEAM meetings has changed the tone to a more positive one.

Creating positive relationships with teachers, supporting them and making an effort always to see things from their vantagepoint also.

Learn to always compliment proactive TEAM members. Write letters to the personnel dept, praising good teachers, good admin staff. BE a team player.
Trying to work well with your TEAM is a key ingredient to cooperation and follow through.

Hostility, attacking verbally at meetings, accusations toward school staff have rarely been effective methods to improve supports and services.

Learn reflective listening skills and practice them. Know that when you are angry, you rarely make good decisions or communicate clearly.

Knowing the roles of each TEAM member is important. Prepare for your team meetings.

Connecting with each attendee prior to the meeting can be very helpful.
Have an agenda. Draft your goals prior to the meeting.
Ask nicely to see the schools draft of goals.

Don’t be part of the problem. If you are, try to make amends and move forward more positively.
bring a support person with you to the meetings.

Keep your eyes on the big picture and know this is a long haul through the public school system. There will be good teams, dysfunctional teams. Everything won’t go ‘by the book’, in fact, be prepared for it not to. It isn’t going happen that your child’s IEP is followed to the letter, by every teacher. Have realistic expectations, accept that the road won’t always be smooth.

Enjoy the times that it does go well!

I hope parents will remember to focus on their child’s strengths and to always include an area of strength addressed in the IEP. Build on the child’s capabilities. Sometimes the meetings seem so focused on deficit.

Learn to trouble shoot without shooting yourself in the foot.

Help other parents, go with them to their meetings. You’ll find with each meeting your anxiety is lessened. What goes around, comes around.

Those are just a few things I’ve learned so far about special education.
Hope that helps!

Don’t be too hard on yourself as a parent and an advocate for your child. We are all trying to do our best, with whatever experience and knowledge we have.

sincerely,
loni

As stated before, you can’t demand that the school uses a program that you want. If you want a specific program used, find a tutor that uses that program and hire her/him to remediate your child. Don’t expect the school to do it. Maybe with the new legislation before the congress, (Leave no Child Behind and reformation of IDEA), we may get the schools to use the programs that work best for most of the kids.

Rose,

While I can honestly say I am sorry that happened, are you saying the teacher should have defied her boss and lost her job in order to follow through on what she told you she wanted??? Let’s be realistic here. There are LOTS of times teachers want more services for their students than the district will allow. Bottom line, do what your administrator says or you can be a greeter at WalMart, a nice low stress job. I think your anger needs to be directed toward the administration, not at the teacher. (Although I say this not knowing what was said since you did not give those details).

Janis

n/t

That’s another thing that I have to give our school system credit for. The teachers obviously feel free to speak their minds in team meetings. Not necessarily in terms of offering specific services, because it really isn’t their place or area of expertise to make those determinations. But our teachers have been very willing to candidly address our children’s weaknesses, and ask that the team work on addressing those weaknesses.

Whether the SPED dept will follow through adequately is sometimes another story, but they must make the teachers comfortable about making frank observations and not sugar coating things, or I think they’d hold back more than they do.

When we were trying to convince the team to pay for a speech fluency eval for my older son, his SPED teacher told the team that it was “painful” to listen to him give an oral presentation. I could have kissed her.

Karen