Why are you folks so worried

As a fellow adult LDer I agree. I love my quirky tribe and wouldn’t trade them in for any other social circle. Unfortunately, finding my tribe required my dropping out of my first year of highschool. Lack of acceptance can be a factor that contibutes to a child not getting “an appropriate education.” As the parent of LD children, I feel it’s my responsibility to help them have better childhoods than I did and sucessfully complete their educations so I am concerned about their acceptance.

Hi Herman,

As an adult with LD/ADD, I feel you make some good points. I don’t have to associate with people in my personal life who don’t accept me for who I am.

But until the majority of businesses are operated by folks with LD, I have to learn to function in a non LD world since I need to put food on the table. Even the companies that are supposedly disability friendly might not be that way to people with LD. It shouldn’t be that way but that is reality.

Also, just because the other person has LD also doesn’t guarantee that the two of us will get along. Recently, someone else with LD swore that I was being deragatory when I honestly felt I wasn’t. Obviously, there is alot more to the story but I just wanted to provide an example to support my point.

I think the most important point of your message is having pride in ourselves because if we don’t, how can we expect other people to accept us? Not that self acceptance will guarantee other people accepting us but it sure doesn’t hurt.

Good post!

PT

My son has several friends, and they are all quirky kids, just like he is. Most are not LD, but are divergent thinkers in some way. I think the problem with the tribe analogy is that in reality human behavior and performance is not either/or. Its really a continuum and even if you fall at one end of the spectrum in one area (or several) you have to deal with other people who are also have their strengths and weaknesses. If my son only hung out with kids who are LD, that would be very limiting.

Were it only a matter of finding a circle of friends our quest as parents would be simple.

For some, the push towards acceptance is a matter of survival. The most frequently bullied subgrouping of children in American achools are the LD kids. Non-acceptance by the typical majority leads to negative behavior patterns among kids who very often do not have all the tools to cope and overcome a typical kid will have. So it is we find the rate of attempted and “successful” suicide is higher in the LD population than in the total population. LD kids make up about 10-12% of the over all schoolaged population but make up 30-45% of the prison population (with some studies suggesting even higher rates). And countless people both adults/teens with LD and parents of kids with LD’s can recount how negative peer feedback directly influenced their will to try.

It is a civil rights matter in heart. We are free to associate or not associate as we choose, that is Constitutionally guaranteed. But basic human respect is ours by birthright, and it all hinges upon the general willingness of the masses to tolerate the minority.

A recent story in the NY Times highlighted the rise in social accptance of inter-racial relationships and marrages, something which just 40 years ago was a felony action in almost half the States. At the core of this progression in public attitude was growing acceptance amongst peers of people who were different, not enclaving of these people, but right in the open, neighbors among us.

I understand the point you are making, but I still side with the greater ideal of acceptance for each according to the merits of the individual, and not based upon any subdivision such as race, gender, handicap or LD.

Sir:

This is a ideal situation: I must remind you though: America has a long way to go…. However, I believe those of us who advocate LD Pride have our point too. When you are among your “tribe” you feel like somebody. Why ? The reason is you have comradership and a sense of people know where you come from. I would say LD is like child entertaining in a sense because the civillians do not know how we feel because they have not been there. We would not know how it is to be a former child entertainer and see fame taken from you and you discarded as used kleenex. The non-LD kids never wil know how LD kids feel because the civillians haven’t been through the struggle of poor reading or writing or ADD troubles. So, to the LD kids who feel they cannot be caught dead in a group of LD kids I say: who will stand up for you or know how you feel except others who have lived the struggle. Think about it and see it now.

Not really. It depends what is defined as “limited”. By who’s standards. You need your comrades early in life to see you through.

Dad, I agree with you. I didn’t mean to oversimplify - my son has struggled to build and maintain his friendships. My point was really that he’s not defined only by his LD and I don’t think his friendships should be defined by it either. Which I think is what you are saying.

Well said Dad, as usual, just here to hop on the wagon that is already rolling and to concur with what has been posted. I was under the impression that both the suicide rate of ld kids, and the ld prison population were higher stats than what you posted… but it matters not, as the stats you post are sad enough.

Conceptually, Herman, what you say also has merit, but I think it goes deeper and further than a circle of friends. To have that circle of friends, “a tribe” of similars, can certainly give one a sense of conformity and familiarity; so one does not feel so “alone” in the world. Take this bb, it gives many of the parents a place to go and vent, ask questions and basically find out that they are not dealing with these “parenting of ld children” issues alone. When we were in the heat of battle with our district, there was no www, there was no bb, and we were led to believe we were very much alone. It was a nightmare. There was no “tribe” like this bb to go to to get answers, comfort or advice. It definitely would have made a difference. But, because we were “alone” and in conflict with society (or it sure felt like that), we did not give in or give up. We stood up for what we believed was right, we protected our child and did what we thought we had to do. Did it damage us? Yes. Did we suffer? Yes. Now, years later what came of it all? We grew, we learned, we survived, we became stronger, we moved on. As with many of life’s experiences, one learns from it. Touch the hot stove, and the possibility for responses are many… stick with cold cereal, learn to cook more carefully, only use the microwave… heck, some people need to burn themselves a few times before they catch on!

I think at the core of the matter, all children, ld and otherwise, need to be taught, and to learn, how to get along in the general population. To learn the basic skills to survival. I believe life is not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens. With ld issues as with other handicaps, it is often both an advantage and disadvantage. This is also true with many other life factors. Sometimes the conflict makes you stronger, sometimes not. Much has to do wtih the family social structure, parenting skills and life outlook of those raising the children etc…

Forget ld and look at physical handicap. I know firsthand through family experience how some people react to the tragedy of a broken neck and quadripalegia. I have also met others thru this experience who have met similar “fate” of braking one’s neck and paralysis of one’s body from the neck down. My encounter with other’s has been due to your “tribe” proposal, and I agree that it has merit and helps one gain strength by a sense of community amongst those who are simliar. It doesn’t change the individual’s outlook on how they are going to respond daily to the trauma of the facts of life from the point of injury forward. That attitude comes from internal decisions on how to deal with life, I think. Furthermore, these people cannot hide within the “tribe” and not deal with life within society and the difficulties that they must encounter; there is no safe community for them (at least that I am aware of).

This “tribe” concept reminds me somewhat of religions and the walls that go up between different faiths and different splinter groups of some faith religions. The general belief is in of one God, but the interpretation is that “our tribe” has a better method of belief. It certainly takes individuals away from the origional message that God was trying to get out to the people of the earth. Yeah, the concept of neighborhood Church/Synagogue/Mosque is one to give those in that geographic area a “home”, but in a more generalized notion, it is a much smaller part of the whole and not it’s own entity. There is no doubt that congregating with those of similar beliefs gives one comfort, sense of community and strength and these are all good things, but maintaining that core belief and then going out into society is what one must do. Having the inner strength to not break from the strain of the experience is what we need to teach our children, ld or not.

Sometimes, I can’t help but think an earthly visit from an obvious alien from a distant galaxy might get all the puny humans to realize we are of the same species and we should simply learn to live together in a more harmonious manner… who knows?

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough for Saturday morning. Food for thought at least.

Andy

Your tribal concept has those little walls of defensiveness between your tribe and the rest of the world. The defensiveness that divides.
Share with people who share experiences that can only be understood fully firsthand, but don’t reject the rest of the world because some of them are a**holes. It ends up causing wars.

Okay this is one of those posts that shouts,”what do you think?”.

I too, am LD. I will always be LD. I have no fear of being LD,now. I have grown up. Found self confidence,common ground.

I am a Nurse. I honestly do not know who is LD in my “tribe” as you put it. Okay,I have my guesses,but not many are aware of it. I didn’t know many lders when I was young either. I knew who liked me and who didn’t.

I gave LD to my kids. I had no fear of them being LD,until they started school.

School is an institution in which conformity is absolutely forced onto kids in general. They are placed in a room full of kids who are all the same age. All are looking for an identity. So what is going to happen? They try to find out who is the leader,the one to look up to,the one to model after, most try to please,and become what “the leader” dictates. Will the “leader of the class be kind? Will this “leader” be cruel? Kids tease. Kids always tease. They make fun of anything that differs from the masses. Ld kids are easy targets. I was,my kids were. This will happen.

What happens when you have more then just LD to define who you are? My kids are also gifted. Do they hang out with the gifted kids? or the LD kids? Who is going to dictate that? What will happen when they grow up,have an occupation,kids of their own,will they still only associate with their “tribe”? Who will be in their “tribe” then? I don’t even know who is in mine..

As a parent why do I worry? Hmmmm. Why wouldn’t I? In general doesn’t any parent lay awake worrying about something?

I will NEVER allow my kids to be placed in a situation were they are made to feel inadequate,inferior. THIS is one reason why I worry. Only one. Gosh there are so many other reasons.

..

Hey ! At least LD folks can whip em”… We need pride in ourselves.

Socks you crack me up.

I see alot of studies about prisoners having higher rates of ld and adhd. No one did any studies on entreprenuers or artists. I think lders fall into the two extremes. I laugh at the anonomous person who calls lders the bottom 20%. The the bottom of what. There are just so many factors that decide where we all end up in life. Some of the most successful people had some kind of hinderance they needed to overcome whether it was poverty, ld, etc.

I think sometimes having something to overcome can set you on a path of proving yourself to the world. I see this in some lders I know. They are tenacious and determined. My son has these traits like no one I have ever seen before. I worry more about my quiet little non ld child who is more laid back but competent enough when it comes to school related things.