Dear new friends,
I am new to this forum. I am a certified teacher, but more importantly I am a mom that is about to pull my hair out over my borderline ADD/ODD 8 yr. old. The change of routines from school to summer seems to have really thrown him and we battle daily, sometimes several times during the day. I am trying to set routines, but this summer every week is a bit different between VBS schedules, swimming lessons and going to camp. To make matters worse we are in the process of moving somewhere in the vicinity of Seattle but we don’t know exactly where yet. There are many unknowns in our life at the moment.
Two questions:
1. How do I provide stability midst the continuing change and uncertainty of our lives right now?
2. My child can be extremely difficult and challenging with the instability. We are considering the possibility of sending both our boys to grandma and grandpa’s for a week after camping with our own family for a week followed by a week of church camp. I’m debating the wisdom of this, but I need time to sort, trash and pack without my kids around. Is this way too much change and instability? I’m worried this may be a set-up for disaster at the grandparents. How much do I shazre with the grandparents without assuming the worst and going into info overload? Fact is, life will be a bit crazy because we are moving.
Wisdom wanted. please!!!
Many thanks,
Frazlledmom in eastern Washington
Re: Wisdom wanted regarding summer routines....or lack ther
I’m certainly no expert on this subject, but here’s something that might help. My daughter used to struggle with what was going on each day even during the school year when I felt we had a weekly routine, but not a daily one. I hung a calendar up by her bed and every night at bedtime we did this (these are just samples)
“yesterday was Monday, March 15th, 2007 and yesterday we went to school, then choir for K and ballet for M.”
“Today is Tuesday, March 16th, 2007 and today we went to school, then M went to choir with “friend” and K had dance.”
“Tomorrow is Wednesday, March 17th, 2007 and tomorrow we are going to school, then M has tap class”.
We had 2 goals. 1 was to teach her how to read/say the date properly and the other was so that she would know exactly was happening after school the next day. Then after school I could ask her “what are we doing today?” and she could tell me. It literally took from Oct until March to get this routine down. So, you could go over the calendar with him each night or each morning. Also, maybe having part of his day routine would balance out having something different each day. Like have a routine for every morning or every bedtime and have the grandparents continue that if possible.
Hopefully this helps.
Kathryn
Re: Wisdom wanted regarding summer routines....or lack ther
I would highly support Kathryn’s idea.
Perhaps also involve him in developing the next days or weeks plan, where he can include things that he might want to do. So that he feels a sense of ownership of the plan/ routine.
Though I’m also thinking of it in terms of developing a life skill. Where his need for a routine is also a need to be organised in his thinking.
The crucial thing though, is for him to be able to incorporate change into his routine? Where he sees this as developing new routines, rather than being left without a routine.
Children with this difficulty, often find the transition to high school extremely difficult due to this. But you have time to prepare.
Geoff,
Re: Wisdom wanted regarding summer routines....or lack ther
I believe what Geoff is talking about is being able to work things out in your mind. I had a problem with my 10 yr old. Not learning disabled, but just being 10. She cried because she didn’t get her way one day this week and it wasn’t a tantrum or anything, but just a feeling sorry for herself quiet little cry. More like tears streaming down her face. Anyway, it was completely ridiculous. I told her that life is going to have disappointments and part of growing up is knowing how to work that out in your own mind. It’s ok to be disappointed, but try to remember that there will be other opportunities. It was a petty thing like picking what restaurant we went to. These are things she needs to work through in her mind and dealing with transition is hard of course, but I believe along the same lines of thinking. It’s one of my 8 yr old’s goals this year. To be more independent and to think through what to do if the situation changes on a dime like it so often does in life.
Hope at least some of this helps,
Kathryn
Hey Frazlledmom :) I’m near Seattle, so just let me know if there is any local info you may want or need.
As for the difficulty with transitions, well, sometimes we just need to do the best we can. It might help to work with him on a visual daily schedule and also a weekly schedule. Let him see what is going to happen during the day. Maybe allow him some input into the various schedules.
It might be helpful to let his grandparents take him for a bit if they work well with him. It might be helpful to give you time to pack and give them a change in environment. Definitely talk to his grandparents before hand and make sure to be flexible if things start to go wrong.
((Hugs))