Yaaaawn

Hi Rebelmom, I thought I saw some life coming back to this board too. I left in disgust before when I saw all the anti posts, and was happy to see some new posters (not much but a little activity), and I guess the same “old” people saw it too and jumped right in with the same “tone” again. Very disappointing, whilst other boards are striving and increasing their “membership” this board’s little flicker of life is dying again.
Oh well, as you say, thank God for the other boards.

It is starting to smell/read/look like the old poster again. They cannot deny being the same person, if they keep using the same type of posts and the same sites and the same messages. A leopard definitely can’t change its spot.

I’m Gone again. It is a waste of time posting here.

Bye Reb.

Rebel Mom,

In the realm of brain anomolies ADD is on the low end of the spectrum. I do not mean to trivialize it but it is not a death sentence it is an unfortunate reality that many people must endure. It is managable and very treatable. I believe if a behavioral approach is not used in conjunction with other treatments the outlook will remain grim.

A tactical and stategic approach is needed to effect real positive change. While it is generally believed that ADHD is not psychlogical in nature a psychological/behavioral approach can be helpful and so can a philosophical approach.

It’s not the end of the world although things look quite hopeless. I would be careful in attrbuting everything to ADHD and then seeing it where it not is.

In my view ADHD is not a disorder but rather a list of symptoms that describes some very misunderstood pathology.

With all due respect to this forum, I am getting the sense that ADHD is almost a religion here.

You will survive this. At the risk of sounding poliana I would tell you to count your blessings and keep the lemon squeezer handy.

I guess we all have to settle for less. I think life for anyone is a series of course corrections and reevaluations. For those suffering from LD and the like the journey has a lot more twists, turns, detours and traffic jams. Keep the A/C on and the tunes blasting and live in the moment.

I wish I could tell you something better

I understand the anxiety - I initially was worried that my oldest would become a criminal, he seemed to be so impulsive and lacking in empathy! But I thought you might want to know that the couple of studies I have seen on adults with ADHD diagnoses as children (Borland and Heckman, 1976 and Hechtman, Weiss, Finkelstein, Werner, and Benn, 1976) suggest that the ADHD students were worse on acedemic performance measures (school grades, etc.) but there was no indication that they were less likely to be employed and self-supporting as adults. The first study showed that the ADHD adults changed jobs more often, but there were no other differences from the controls. Also, another study by Weiss, Hechtman and Perlman in 1978 showed that employers were equally satisfied with their ADHD employees as the non-ADHD employees. Scanning over the results, it seems like the social issues are the ones that seem to carry forward into adulthood, rather than issues of employability. Don’t know if that helps you feel any better, but I found it reassuring.

My personal experience has been that, while my two ADHD-type kids have always been less compliant with directions, both of them are great workers when they have a job they want to get done. They can be incredibly productive, as long as they don’t feel like anyone is bossing them around. So while they would probably make lousy factory workers, if they can select a job they like, I am guessing they will do really well at it, even though they may annoy some people at times.

I agree with Ogden Roe - I really think these kids have a different way of being in the world, which many adults find extremely frustrating, but which has a lot of survival value if one can recognize and build on their inherent strengths. Unfortunately, our school systems in America are not built to identify and build on strengths (although many individual teachers and administrators are good at it). Our kids are set up for failure in such a system, and it takes its toll on them. That’s why we bailed and did homeschooling. There is a lot to like and love about these kids, but they do require a special approach, and they don’t “fit in” well. In classes of 30-35, fitting in is an important skill that these kids just don’t develop until later.

So try not to worry too much! While your son will always have challenges, he is also built with a creative energy that few can match. Keep building on those strengths, and know that while he won’t “grow out of it”, he will mature, and maturity creates the opportunity for him to take more control of the direction of his life.

But it is still nerve wracking. Hang in there!

–— Steve

Rebelmom, I hope you check in every now and then. You’ve really added a lot to the board. Ball’s affect is minimal now. In my life-experiences I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth before so I’m going to overlook statements from ordinary folks (not Ball, that is) that might seem narrow-minded to me. So, in other words, I’m going to give the benefit of doubt. Maybe the dialogue will actually soften harsh attitudes in time.

I too worry about my child growing successfully into adulthood but in our family there are a number of successful ADHD adults (mostly undiagnosed). Yeah, they took a beating during school but ended up fine. My husband impulsively dropped out of high-school but later went on to get two masters. My brother-in-law is a self-employed builder and a successful invester. My father-in-law is an optometrist. My mother-in-law is an optician, invester, and in fantastic physical shape at 75. My mother raised three kids, took care of the outside and inside of our house, was responsible for three rental units and at 70 is in better shape physically than I am at 40 (that “H” comes in handy for weight-control.) She is the “rock” in our family that takes care of everyone in need. This isn’t even all of the individuals with ADHD in the family.

Everything is not total bliss naturally. The impulsive comments at holiday dinners can ruffle feathers but most of the individuals have become experts and taking the foot back out of the mouth and appologizing.

The worst example example of ADHD is my husband’s sister that has always thought that she was lazy by nature only to finally have the ADHD diagnosed at 40. After a baby and 2 divorces, she has dealt with her ADHD and is finishing up her teaching masters this semester. She’ll be working with young children and hopes to spare these kids the misery that she experienced in school.

I guess I’m thinking that with love and acceptance, these people can be highly productive and happy. I do worry though like you. I think of my spacey little girl possibly becoming a victim of violence as a result of her not being aware of what is going on around her. It’s almost like a recurrent night-mare that I have. But, I intellectually know that she can reduce her chances of trouble simply by being aware of her weakness and planning around it. She shouldn’t work with prison inmates for example.

Well, I don’t know why I’ve gone on and on like this. I hope it helps. I’m a realist and I think these kids do have a chance for success. We just need to facilitate the process. Terry

Interestingly when Jonathon Mooney was asked to give advice to Adhd kids, his advice was to find your passion-an area that really moves you. The Adhd becomes more of an advantage - the creativity becomes more important -than a disadvantage- the attention issues.

As for college, after I read Mooney’s book - I realized I might be going to college with my daughter!! Just kidding, but Mooney had to fax his papers home to Mom for editing help. I can see me still editing spelling in college, too.

But I do wonder what its like to have a nonadhd kid.

Hooking up with a passion - that totally gibes with my experience! These kids are going to do what they need to do, no matter how we feel about it. Best thing is to find out where they are going, and help them get there without leaving footprints up everyone else’s backs! I also agree that helping them see where they are hurting themselves and increasing their awareness and skills in their deficit areas is important, but it must be done with an emphasis on how their goals will be better met by learning to improve in these areas. The big frustration about schools for my boys is that they CAN’T pursue their passions! Once we did homeschooling, the acedemic part was so easy - Patrick just studied what he was interested in, and we helped him find the resources. I think that is the natural way for the “ADHD” kid to go. They just have to do their thing, and they can’t follow someone else’s agenda. Annoying, yes, but it can be a very powerful personality type if properly nurtured. Just don’t try and tell them what to do with their lives!

–- Steve