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Any advice-not sure what I'm doing or where to turn anymore.

Submitted by an LD OnLine user on

There’s such a history - I’m not sure where to start. My son is almost 10yo - in 4th grade - and is having so many problems. We’ve had someone tell us it’s emotional problems; others have said it’s ADD. I’ve about broken down and cried so many times. He has trouble adding 8+7…has to run through the 8’s song to multiply and has trouble multiplying any number sets above the 3’s (and has to think about them)…he melts whenever it’s time to do anything but read. We’re trying homeschooling - and I’m going to lose my paitence or my mind or both. He will even start to cry when math time arrives. I’m not even sure what his real trouble is! We’ve had sleep studies and IQ tests and blood work and auditory tests and vision tests and … He does have some visual tracking problems, very minor, and some minor issues with auditory processing; his iron was drastically low, so he’s on 325mg a day; his does have some sleep apnea, but it seems to be working itself out…. His IQ testing put him at average or low average - but he struggled with the testing itself. In abstract thought, he was high off the charts! I have no friends I can talk to about all of this - their children aren’t going through anything remotely like this. My husband is as confused as I am; my sister is sympathetic, but can’t help much. I have been reluctant to go seeking a pyschologists help for fear of his being labelled…not just diagnosed, but lablelled. I hate the thought of how schools treat kids with certain “labels”. I could handle being told he has some kind of emotional problem or even ADD if I felt people would take it as though he had diabetes or something - not treating him like he’s stupid. He’s certain not unintelligent - he can create things from Bionicles that I can’t even believe! He can put them together without the instructions! He can create things from the pieces after seeing a picture of them once! And then the math book opens and all that seems to evaporate. Please give me some direction - some advice - something; I fear I’m going to crack…my heart is if nothing else.

Submitted by des on Sat, 09/24/2005 - 2:30 AM

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Gosh but you are the second person lately to write to the group–as you know we can’t really make a dx, but this sounds a lot like a high functioning form of autism. Perhaps PDD, doesn’t sound typically Aspergers. You might look this up. I suggest this link, this is particularly supportive to parents:
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/
There are also characteristics of related problems/disorders.
Some things ring bells to me, like sleep disturbances, “emotional problems”, intelligent but doesn’t test well, visual spatial strengths (of course this can also be other things), low iron, etc. etc.

I agree there are problems with “labels” but there also can be understanding thru giving you (and the child in many cases) a name to call the problem (which in this case sounds very complex).
I think there can be equal or more harm in not understanding or knowing what to do.

—des

Submitted by victoria on Sat, 09/24/2005 - 3:37 AM

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Now, I am not seing anyhting in what you wrote that makes me think of autism; worth asking, but don’t panic yet.

I work with a *lot* of students like this. Believe me, you are not alone.

There are two possibilities: a poor start with bad teaching and a bad curriculum, or a genuine math disability.

In my experience, poor teaching outnumbers genuine disabilities hundreds to one. The disabilities DO exist, but they are swamped by the number of totally confused and frustrated kids (happens in reading too, I have one who tantrums every time I arrive at the door, but happens even more with the math teaching problems.)

The first thing to do is to back up and get to a level of math that he really has mastered. This may be adding single-digit numbers. I have one student right now in Grade 4 that I started with there, and another who is going to have to go back there — it is alas not unusual.

Once you have found out what he actually knows and doesn’t know — and it is vitally important NOT to be judgemental and not to say anyhitng about “should” in this context — then you get good traditonal materials and teach **ONE step at a time.** You use concrete models and pictures and diagrams, and you work through every single exercise bit by tiny bit. The idea is to take several steps back first, and then you can get a good run forward. No pressure, no rush, just a little bit at a time. If you start at a mastery level and he spends a few months getting used to actually understanding math, then he will be able to move ahead later.

I will be happy to share old books with you for the price of the copies and mail, or you can look for them on your own in used bookstores or Amazon zshops. Get a good consistent pre-1955 set from grade 3, 4, and up, maybe even Grade 2 if you can find one.

Email me for more thoughts and sources.

Submitted by phijo5 on Sat, 09/24/2005 - 4:06 AM

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:) I am going to look up some things - and after I posted this, I reviewed some of my notes (yellowed, aged papers) from my college teaching courses. I then took a big breath and decided to just step back and see what he does know and launch from there. Can’t really worry about what other 4thd graders are doing; as hard as it is not to compare, we’re going to have to try. Looking forward to any other ideas. As soon as my husband’s new mental health insurance kicks in, maybe we should have him seen by someone. Thanks again.

Submitted by Sue on Sat, 09/24/2005 - 7:20 PM

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In addition to everybody else’s advice - You might want to look at programs like Math-U-See which are (surprise!) much more visual than other presentations but still get abstract pretty quickly. (And was that “IQ” fairly even, or were there ranges of strengths and weaknesses in the assorted specfic subtests?)

Submitted by Nancy3 on Tue, 09/27/2005 - 6:48 AM

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Has he had an occupational therapy evaluation? Sensory integration disorder (SID) can produce a number of the symptoms you describe. An OT eval is often covered by medical insurance with a referral from your doctor. This is especially easy if you have observed any gross or fine motor problems (handwriting, bike riding, balance, etc.), although the sensory integration evaluation is what you would be most interested in.

Nancy

Submitted by SandyKC on Wed, 09/28/2005 - 1:00 AM

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I agree that Math-U-See might be a good choice for math. It is visual, hands-on, and is used with many kids who have dyscalculia. Math-U-See saved us.

Truthfully, it sounds to me like your child either has dyscalculia or some other processing issue that inhibits his ability to grasp math and causes him to have difficulty with learning.
There is more about both dyscalculia and Math-U-See at:
http://www.learningabledkids.com/LD/dyscalculia.html

I didn’t see anything about a complete neuropsychological evaluation by a private professional in your post. It sounds like you’ve had a lot done in the way of single-area evaluations, but I found myself wondering if a qualified neuropsychologist would be able to do a comprehensive evaluation and pick up on processing, memory, or other issues that are affecting your son’s learning. He may have deficits in a combination of areas that cause a more pervasive effect.

By time my child reached 4th grade, he was depressed.. The school treated him like he was stupid, but he wasn’t. At the time I thought I was the ONLY one who believed my child had REAL potential. He did—he just couldn’t get it in a typical classroom environment. I find myself wondering if your son’s seeming to have emotional issues is because he doesn’t grasp concepts he KNOWS most kids can. My son had asked me, “Why doesn’t my brain work right?” before anyone began addressing his needs. The kids KNOW something is different about their learning. Sometimes having a diagnosis and a ‘label’ can give them a place to hang their hat and get on with being okay with who they are. Once you know what the specific learning issues are, then you can address specific needs directly.

You might ask if there is anyone from your state or area who can recommend a HIGHLY qualified neuropsychologist (you don’t want just any psychologist).. A good place to post for such recommendations is either here or at www.Schwablearning.org —you should be able to get recommendations between the two places. It isn’t inexpensive, but sometimes its covered by insurance, and even if it isn’t—the knowledge of exactly what the issues are can be invaluable for your child’s future.

Probably the last thing you wanted someone to say was that they thought you needed yet another evaluation, but truly that is what I think would be most helpful in figuring out how to help your son. Whatever route you take.. BEST OF WISHES to you and your son.. A big hug too ;-)

SandyKC
Learning Abled Kids - http://www.learningabledkids.com/

Submitted by Janis on Wed, 10/05/2005 - 9:41 PM

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You certainly need to have him evaluated by a psychologist who has the clinical qualifications as well as testing for learning disorders. When you have private testing, you are the only one with access to the results, so there is no need to fear a label because no one has to know unless you tell them! But realistically, you cannot afford to wait if he is having meltdowns with all subjects beside reading. I think it is much better for a child to have the problems identified so they don’t have fear in wondering what is wrong with them. He sounds like he has anxiety as a result of whatever is causing his problems. I’d deal with it immediately before either of you reaches a breaking point.

Janis

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