Is it normal for frustrated children to act out in school?

I disagree— I believe academic failure and behavior problems are COMPLETELY related. Just think, if you were going to a job every day and didn’t understand the work, knowing you were one step away from being fired, wouldn’t you feel angry and frustrated? I sure would, and I know I would show it. I believe children feel the same way.

I know MY son’s behavior has ALWAYS deteriorated in school when he has been frustrated and felt like a failure.

Our solution was to get our son help via resource at school and private tutoring when he was slipping. The change in his outlook turned around 100% every time…

Sorry, but the teacher is way off the mark here, and so is your husband! Of course, kids act out when frustrated - so do adults! (Thanks, CAMom!) Sometimes when kids can’t find the words to describe their experience, or when they feel they have stated their problem but no one is listening, they act out to try and communicate what is going on. I did the same when I was lonely and frustrated and depressed in 5th grade - I wrote an insulting valentine to a lovely little girl that I actually liked very much. I had no idea what I was trying to accomplish, but factually, I was miserable. Luckily, I got a visit with a psychologist rather than a paddling!!

By the way, I am appalled that the school would paddle a child for misbehavior. I can tell you that no child of mine would EVER be allowed to attend a school where they felt OK about hitting my children, with or without my permission. It’s not their job.

Look for causes, and if they don’t want to, look for another teacher or another school. Your son deserves better.

I so totally agree. I was outraged that it was even an option. I had already told them that he was frustrated and angry and it seems to me that the logical conclusion would be that paddling would just add fuel to the fire. But my husband gave them permission so what could I say? To his credit, he did feel bad when I explained things to him. I told him if he had a problem at work, he could file a grievance or at best, tell someone off. Adults are usually in control of their lives, but when childrens lives spin out of control they have no control over the situation. Erik has on teacher in particular who he believes is “out to get him” and she really did choose the wrong profession, but if he gets angry he cannot express those feelings to her or any other adult. He is pretty much powerless. As adults, if we repeatedly can’t do something right, we just remove ourselves from the situation. Such as find another job. Not so with children. My husband is really black and white. He’s not big on emotion, either.

I have the option of moving my son, but I have had to fight to get to where I am now and we have till Feb 24 and then they will review and see about evaluating. I am afraid that if I move him I will have to start the process over again. As soon as he is evaluated, I will either be moving him or pulling him out for homeschooling for the rest of the year. He is going to fail anyway. I know that sounds terrible, but he has 3 Fs and the math is a 27/F and he has completely stopped trying.

I’m sorry for posting on every forum. I thought different people frequented different forums. I guess everyone visits them all.

Thanks
Mary

We homeschooled, too. It was so much less stressful for our kids! I highly recommend it if things don’t work out with the school. By the sound of things, I would start planning for homeschooling, because they don’t sound like they are interested in working with him.

I agree with you about school and the powerlessness of students. It is truly a shame and a crime when teachers use their power to make themselves feel better at a student’s expense, but it happens all the time, and the kids have absolutely no recourse. It teaches kids to believe they are powerless victims. For some kids, it is probably better to do nothing than send them to an abusive school environment. I can see you prioritize your child’s needs above all else. I commend you for defending his rights. Hang in there, and do what you need to do!

Hello,
I am a sp. ed. teacher and I find it disgusting the way that this teacher has treated your son. That said, it is common for a child to act out in school. He could be doing this for many reasons. He is frustrated, lost, upset, a need for attention or many other things. I have found that working with students like this that it takes more than the work of one teacher. when I am working with circumstances such as these I first try to re-establish a relationship with the child. It could take days or even weeks but, you will never be able to teach or understand him if he does not understand or trust you. My next step is docuement the occurances of acting out. Is there a specific time or plave that it occures, maybe it is happening for a reason. Is he sitting next to someone that may trigger this response? After I gain a relationship with the student i give them the power to make thier own choices. We sit down and come up with consequences together, this way they mean more to the child because he had a say in the process. He won’t want to brake rules that he made for himself. After making the correct choices for a while introduce some more school work. If he completes 4 out 10 problems, praise him. Give him the incouragement that this teacher has not. Convence him that you don’t care if they are all correct, it mattered that he did his best, and praise him again. This positive renforcement will make him want to do more. It takes time, and it is something that must be done at home as well as at school in order to make a difference. I firmly believe that positive feedback as many times possible is the key to making a child want to learn. Don’t just reward him for doing good, celebrate with him in his achievements, no matter how small they seem to be.

I am a 21 year old college student with ADHD who is also specializing in ADHD. I agree if your son has been diagnosed with ADHD or any other learning disability that the teacher and your husband are way out of line. I remember when I was diagnosed with ADHD it was becuase I was having so much discipline problems as far as staying on task and doing my work and when my teacher would put me into time out that never helped it just made me act out more cause I felt as if that was the only good thing I could do. I was then put on meds and went through private tutoring/behavior modification. With help I regained my self esteem and became much more plesant at school. If you haven’t gotten him assessed by a professional psychiatrist I would seriously consider it. It is costly but at least you will know for sure if he has a learning disability. Just so that you are aware ADHD doesn’t just mean that he has to be hyperactive. There are three different categories of ADHD there is the type that is just hyper, there is the type that is just inattentive (no hyperactivity), and there is the type that is both. If you think there might be a problem its not a waste of money to get it checked out. It will ease your mind and your sons. Also I would talk to his counselor about and IEP (Individual Education Plan). If you have any questions what so ever you can contact me at [email protected]